I feel like dying most days , too much too soon and couldn't deal with the abuse.

[neverendingdrama]

I know I made the right choice but I am numb. My user name says it all. There are days I have not gotten out of bed.

 

Moved in with boyfriend after 5 months or so. We rented a great house and blended our kids who we have custody half the time. Seemed perfect . Keep in mind no kids were present during these fights.

 

Started catching him in small lies. The dumbest **** you would ever think , he would lie about . I am a good reader of behavior and I would question him when it was off. Because he was so good to me in every other aspect , I let it slide sometimes.

 

Other times it would make him snap. In Oct we got into an argument and when I followed him to continue it , he pushed my body into the door frame to stop me . I was bleeding and he sat emotionless than cried the next day and said he needed therapy. Wrote that off as I should have let him get away to cool off.

 

In November he confronted me about an email he saw to my gf. Screamed at me and cornered me. I screamed back and pushed him to get away. He threw me to the ground. When I did get away , he kicked in the door I was locked behind. Than I go out to let the dog in and he locks me out. I was livid. The right side of my body still aches when I sleep at night and am very still. I spent Thanksgiving alone while he enjoyed it with his family.

 

In Jan , the night of my 40th bday , we come home from a great dinner and night out. Getting ready to go to bed and he accuses me of a few stupid things out of the blue. Screaming fighting started , he grabs the laptop and bolts to the bedroom with it ( knowing I would follow him ) . I do , push the door open and it busts his eyebrow open. He corners me in another room , has his hands around my neck and sucker punches me to the ground. I run , get ice and call a friend , who in turn called 911 stating this abuse has been going on too long. I also call 911.

 

They take me to the ER to make sure my cheek isn't busted. Sitting in the bed I am than handcuffed and sat in jail for 2 days. I was the aggressor . He lied to police and said he smacked me off of him in self defense after I punched him. I get out with a restraining order for him and our house. Slept on a friends couch for a week with a badly damaged face. Couldn't see my kids until it healed. A week later he calls me , I go home . Mistake one , but I had some reasons.

Wanted to have a home for my kids and was going to try and " change " him. Talk him into telling the cops the truth.

 

Never happened. All he did was make excuses until my trial. He also threatened me when I asked him to fix things before hand ( get RO taken off and police statement). Told me he would punch me again ect .

 

He moved his TV and bed stuff to a friends house. That entitled him not to pay rent and use the garage as his free storage. I was shelling out everything. Thought distance would do us good. I was not letting him come and go because the trial was over at this point and was dismissed. No more RO of any kind.

 

Told me he was getting therapy from his moms therapist. Everytime I asked him , more excuses . More lies. Told me he loved me and everything would work out. I guess I rationalized everything in my own head as okay because I would argue back. I would not take his **** and therefore I spurred his violence.

 

I had a fine line of how much more I was going to take. He took no resposibilty and thought he could just do what he wanted at any time. The law enabled him to be the victim and he played it off to everyone he knew.

 

The final straw was him coming over one night about 3 weeks ago. Hadn't seen him in about a week and he was just going to stay overnite. I was looking forward to it. He walks into the garage and sees how I packed up some of his items. He lost his mind. Started screaming and kicked in a cabinet. Follows me to the bathroom and punches a hole in the wall with his fist. Grabs my laptop and runs to his car. I try and get it back and he grabs my wrist. I am trying to calm him down but he drinks a few beers and leaves angry. I call the cops and file a report.Next day I file a RO on him. He had no clue.

 

Sends me a text the next day he is sorry and we both need help , after this is over can we still be friends. I have limited contact but ask him to come over in the next day or so ( knowing there will be a warrant and I wanted him arrested in my driveway ) . Told him I would let him borrow money if he brought the laptop back.

 

Shows up and I go to the bathroom and call. They come , he is shocked and taken to jail with 4 charges. I get my laptop and ipad out of his car . Open the ipad to his email wide open. Apparently the weekend before he was set up by a friend because he was "single". They spent 2 days together. He stated how heartbroken he was she had to go back to her hometown. This while telling me he loves me and we need to work on us.

 

His mom bailed him out. She was told by him we had no contact since the night I went to jail , when we were actually living in the same house until about March 5th.

 

Fast forward. He has a RO from me and on our address where the rest of his **** is sitting. I am sure he wishes he would have gotten a truck like he said 5 million times he was going to do.

 

My neighbors think he is nuts and offer me their rental house a mile away. My lease was up and I took it. Packed and moved ( have one trip left ) . Asked police what to do with his items. They said take whatever is common law property . If he has a problem he can take you to civil court and will need receipts. Let him know when it is good for you to have him show up with a truck. Of course I wanted to disappear and than have him show up.

 

I was doing a lot of moving on my own so I texted him a few times and changed the dates with notice. Gave him a number for non emerg police to assist. Told him monday after Easter because I had fam in town ( i was still just moving ) . Saturday before easter I get a call from police. They are in my driveway with him ( big police no no ) . They harassed me and gave me **** because I told them no , he needs to come back Monday. I gave in and told them I would be over to open the garage. Half way over , I thought it was just stupid. I had my 11 year old in the car and he didn't need any more drama.

Called the police back and gave them the garage code. Went back home.

 

They call me to tell me he is done . They also tell me they are filing DV charges against me for text harassment. I ask them if they read the texts. They said it didn't matter , any contact unwanted is harrasment. I violated my own RO by doing that.They told me I would be issued a warrant and to plan on turning myself in to jail by Wednesday or I will be arrested at HIS trial in June. Had I gone over there , they would have done it in my old driveway while my son watched. I diverted disaster that day.

The ex planned on this the entire time. Coming down when my fam was in town and having the cops arrest me in front of them. The plan failed. Of course he found out moved because I took just about everything I could. Some of which I sold to fund my move.

 

So far no warrant as of today. I have filed a complaint with internal affairs regarding the police . I am almost completely moved. I am still in shock. I guess the topper was finding out about the cheating. I have always been on good terms with the ex wife because of his kids when we lived together. She gave me an earful. Not in a nasty , but factful way of how he has always been. Made me rethink the entire year and a half or so we were together. He is pathological so we exchanged a few things that he lied about. It is like breathing for some people.

 

I hate how this went down. I feel thankful , but I haven't taken it all in in such short time. We had plans , talked and shared so much with each other. It is gone. I can't even imagine kissing or holding anyone else. Everything was what I wanted with him , but I had to go. I feel so lonely and sad. I also feel like I went off the deep end and essentially ruined his life. He will most likely not win at this case , he owns very little as of now , is living for good now in his friends spare room , his parents know the truth , his ex is not happy and his kids are upset with him .

 

My emotions are a mess . No words to describe this . Any advice ? Thanks for listening to this long drawn out situation.

[dreamingoftigers]

It will take at least six months to heal from this so don't beat yourself up if you are upset what happened with him etc.

 

Never, ever, ever go back.

[neverendingdrama]

And I would never ever dream of it. I have too much support. They wanted me gone after I was punched and falsely arrested.

 

I guess I just feel like I should have just bit the bullet and found a way to fund my move instead of selling items in the house that he essentially came with.

 

I rationalized it as A) he lived at the house for free for 3 months and left it up to me to figure out a way to pay for it with no regards. That left me completely broke B) It was his choice to move his stuff out and not chip in still when he was on the lease. C) had he not shown me his abuse we would still be living together and I would not have had to make a rash decision to move but he is scary and violent. I could not stay there in fear of him showing up at any given time snapping.

 

Normally , it is not something I would do.