Ugh!

[ALombard]

I just need to vent.

 

So I don't know what it is but since my ex dumped me a few days ago for another guy...again I have been pretty strong. No where near as devastated I was during our last break up. Who knows maybe its because I'm working right now off of 2 hours of sleep, but for some reason since I woke up I can't help but think about her, our good times, her body, our old love.

 

I have gone this entire week feeling pretty good with only a few weak moments in between. I have changed my number so she cannot contact me, I blocked her from Facebook, I did it all so I should be set right? I mean I'm not sad right now but more frustrated because the fact that I am thinking of her.

 

I don't know last night I had a few friends over and we had a few drinks, talked about life and love and God. We are all practicing christians. So anyway at the end of the night I felt amazing, I was on cloud nine. We had a quick prayer/worship session and off to bed I went. However, when I was in bed all happy and joyful I thought to myself, "I feel so good right now, I am going email my ex and just set things straight."

 

I thought this was a good idea because her and I share a lot of mutual friends and I just felt like she was straying away from her beliefs. I dont know I prayed about writing the email to see if I should actually do it and it seemed like everything was telling me to do it so I did. Sent it out and went to sleep feeling still really good.

 

But now I feel a little like poo. I dont know part of me knows she wont say anything I really want to hear when she responds, if she even does respond. Part of me knows an email wont win her back but the other part doesnt want her back. I am so happy knowing that this break up has made me see life more clearly and I know that I can do better than her. But, right now at this second all I want is her. I miss going to work and kissing her goodbye, getting a phone call when she wakes up, and coming home to her. Haha I walked out of my house this morning missing her car parked in front of it. It's just dumb stuff and I know when I can go home and relax and take a nap i'll be fine, i mean its the weekend and plus I am going to an amazing church service on sunday.

 

Just writing this I feel better knowing my life is just so good right now and I think it just pains me to see that hers isnt. She has been drinking and partying a lot, has no job and her parents are moving to a smaller place so she now has to share a room with her sister. With me she had her own room and at least some cash flow. I know I gave her a lot and now I will have to give it to the next great girl I find....just still sucks right now.