chrysaliscrystals Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Well, technically, it's today, because it's 4:30am. I am meeting my boyfriend of a year and 7 months to break up with him. As of late, we've been hitting more and more rough patches in our relationship and I've come to realize that he's been using guilt and my sensitivity to control me. Not to mention, I feel like I'm the guy in the relationship. He's totally catty and insults "slutty" girls he sees, he's very critical and always has to be right. He even asks people if I'm beautiful. When I'm there. I tell them they don't have to answer. He tells them they do. He calls me modest and baby talks at me. He takes jokes too far and frequently annoys me by saying, "You hate me" repeatedly in a kicked puppy sort of tone. (But when I give him a taste of his own medicine, he cries.) He's nineteen, I'm twenty-one. He cried when I turned twenty-one because he didn't want me to drink. He told me that he didn't like piercings or tattoos and would be horrified if I got one. He also doesn't like people touching me; I got a manicure and he flipped out. I went to my sister to get my hair dyed and he asked, "Why didn't you wait for me? I wanted to go!" I asked him up front, "Why should I have to wait for you to get my hair done?" "Because what if I don't like it?" <- He also then proceeded to insinuate that had I gotten my hair dyed say, like, blue - that he'd be embarrassed to be seen with me. He's got "our entire life" planned out. He's going to graduate college with honors, go get his masters and then we're going to travel the world. Then we can have kids. By the time all that happens, I'll be at least 30. His college major takes 5 years, Masters is another two or three years (I think). Then traveling around the world? I really would rather start a family sooner than 10 years from now. He's also very cruel. I confided in him that, aside from working with animals, it was my dream to become a mother and he started calling me stupid names that turn me off during sex. He's very sexually needy, needs too much foreplay and has tons of fetishes. He can't get off without me dressing up or talking dirty. Sometimes, I just have nothing to say. He loves being humiliated and dominated, but he also loves doing the same to me. I said once that I wanted to try it and he's been doing it ever since. Only I don't really enjoy it. He also constantly needs reassurance that the sex was okay. Most times I lie because I don't feel like dealing with him being awkward for a week. I'm horrified to say that he's tied me up and taken many pictures of me naked, with the assurance that "only he is going to see them and they'll only be in one place". But they aren't. I'm pretty sure they're on his laptop, camera and PSP. I really want him to delete them before I break up with him. I'm terrified that he won't and that he'll post them on the internet when I break up with him, so I am thinking of asking him to bring those items when we meet up tomorrow. I told him on Monday that I needed space. He always tries to get into my mind. He found out all my passwords and reads my private thoughts because "there should be no secrets because we love each other". He constantly googles my name and user names to find all my accounts. I am also a pretty avid fanfiction writer and he pretty much told me that I'm not allowed to post anything without him reading it. I told him that I didn't need to and he could read things with everyone else when they go live on the internet. He got offended because I lumped him in with "everyone else". And lately, he's been taking out a lot of things on me. He broke his cell phone and completely ignored me and completely humiliated me when I tried cheering him up. He's said really horrible things about me in his livejournal because I can't return texts in a timely manner. God forbid I don't see it; ESPECIALLY if it says "I love you". Because if I don't says it back, he "feels single." Also, in said livejournal, he completely called my mother some pretty unacceptable names. Despite all the crap above, I'm still having a hard time initiating this talk. He has his redeeming qualities and I would much rather just be friends, but I doubt that's going to be possible. I'm too sensitive and I've been losing sleep over this for going on three days now. He thinks that we can work it out. I don't think we can. I feel like he's going to try to manipulate me into "trying to make it work" for another month, but I don't want to. He's too young and way too needy. I feel like he's the girl in the relationship and I really need a man. But parts of me are still attached to him and still love him. I don't want to break his heart, but I just can't be with him anymore. I'm terrified that he's a suicide risk, because he's told me once that during our time together he was really stressed out from his classes and his family that he actually thought it would be PEACEFUL to jump in front of a train. A lot of things are going on with him right now. I know it's selfish, but I can't deal. He'll be bawling about what's going on in his life now for months. We are meeting up tomorrow at Panera. How do I break up with him without having him cause a scene? What do I do if he threatens to use the pictures? How do I ask for my things back? When is an appropriate time to start a new relationship? (And if he's given me a key to his house, would it be too underhanded to use it to get my things back in case he won't give them to me?) Wow, this turned into a ranty book. Thank you, if you read this.
nana841121 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 He is naive and immature and ridiculous, sorry about my pick of term. get over him
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