snaps Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Hi all, Had my first girlfriend 5 years ago. We were on and off for about 2 years. But I truly and completely loved her. Not sure she felt the same way because sometimes she treated me horribly (mostly cause of minor depression issues she had). But I stuck by her. Then all of a sudden she just walked out of my life. 3 and a half years later now and I'm not hung up over her anymore. I'm not sad. But...I have really sad moments. And I can't seem to let her go. I've tried contacting her but she just ignores it. I keep thinking and hoping maybe she'll contact me but nope. Nothing. I don't exactly date much. I'm just a shy person. I've had one girlfriend since then. We broke up because we just didn't click. I'm just not sure what to do....I can't seem to let her go.
nana841121 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Three years can't guarantee you forget about her? Maybe you just don't want to let her go. Do you love the sentimental feeling? Or nostagia? According to the limited info you provided about how you two got along while you were in a relationship i am clueless Let her go or not, it's all depend on your will.
smudge21 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 After this much time it's clear that part of you is fighting to keep the emotional bond alive, even though you know deep down it should be gone by now. Take a look at the rest of your life as clearly something is missing - whether it's a good job, good friends, close family, not enough man-gadgets or even a nice car... all those things add to life and spice it up, yet you seem to want to continue focusing on the past. Have you tried talking to a professional - seeing if there's some deep rooted issues that need to be brought out before you can move on. There's plenty of reasons why you could be still feeling this way, you just need to find out what they are.
Author snaps Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 After this much time it's clear that part of you is fighting to keep the emotional bond alive, even though you know deep down it should be gone by now. Take a look at the rest of your life as clearly something is missing - whether it's a good job, good friends, close family, not enough man-gadgets or even a nice car... all those things add to life and spice it up, yet you seem to want to continue focusing on the past. Have you tried talking to a professional - seeing if there's some deep rooted issues that need to be brought out before you can move on. There's plenty of reasons why you could be still feeling this way, you just need to find out what they are. yeah...it's strange. i'm not sure if it's loneliness and general dissatisfaction with myself that makes me feel this way. I've recently gone for a career change. So I'm studying again which makes me kind of feel like I've failed in that area. On top of that I'm absolutely useless at meeting girls and don't really see myself ever getting a girlfriend again (over dramatic I know but actually how i feel). I've tried talking to a university counselor (because it was free) but didn't really help. It was more effort than anything else to talk to her. But regardless I would have thought I would have been completely over her by now. Especially considering she was the one that screwed me over. How come she gets to completely forget me and go and have fun with her life while I'm the one that's sad and wondering what the hell happened. Especially after I was the 'good one'. Life's not fair? nana: maybe you're right. maybe I don't want to let her go. a part of me still hopes we'll get back together. also I didn't mention that what we had was a long distance semi-relationship. i've actually moved to the same city she's in recently to study so a part of me wants to actually give it a go. but of course how can i talk to her when she just ignores me.
smudge21 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Sadly the dumper always gets the happy life first, but yours will come with time. Try not to think about her life - I mean, for all you know, it's not as happy as you think. Just because you may hear things or see some pictures on Facebook for example, doesn't mean her life is always like that. No one has the perfect happy life. I'm the same when it comes to meeting girls - when it happens, it's usually when I least expect it. My last ex was totally out of my league (in my opinion) yet there she was, chasing me! Even though it ended with heart break for me, I gotta' look at the positive and think this girl did go after me. Therefore it happened then, it can happen again. Think back - what did you do for fun on a Saturday night for example before she came along? Whatever it was, do it again. You existed before her, and you will exist again without her.
Author snaps Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Sadly the dumper always gets the happy life first, but yours will come with time. Try not to think about her life - I mean, for all you know, it's not as happy as you think. Just because you may hear things or see some pictures on Facebook for example, doesn't mean her life is always like that. No one has the perfect happy life. I'm the same when it comes to meeting girls - when it happens, it's usually when I least expect it. My last ex was totally out of my league (in my opinion) yet there she was, chasing me! Even though it ended with heart break for me, I gotta' look at the positive and think this girl did go after me. Therefore it happened then, it can happen again. Think back - what did you do for fun on a Saturday night for example before she came along? Whatever it was, do it again. You existed before her, and you will exist again without her. Yeah I guess it's not so much her being happy. Of course I want her to be happy. But at the same time, she's shown no form of remorse or regret for the way she just completely walked out of my life without so much as a goodbye. No closure, no nothing. It's just....hard to think that after 3 years of being such huge parts of each others lives, it was like I was never there for her. You must be one of the fortunate ones that has girls chasing them from time to time. Sadly for me it never happens. I've been reading all up on The Game and the whole Pick Up Artist mumbo jumbo but the more I read about it the more I realize it's just not me. That might just be an excuse but I don't know, it's not how I want to meet girls. Then again it's not like I'm exactly meeting any girls now. But I'm way too shy to try and approach and pick up random girls in public. On top of that I have a very small friendship circle. Absolutely no way I'd meet girls through. I'm pretty much screwed and I've kind of come to terms with that. The only option I have is to get back together with my second and last girlfriend. Who I broke with because we just weren't getting along. But quite fankly I'd rather die alone than live a life with someone I don't trully want to be with. As for what I did before her...wow that was so long ago I can't even remember. I was just starting University when I started seeing her. I can't really remember who I was before her. She kind of shaped who I am now. I remember I started going to the gym to impress her. Now I just do it for myself and pretty proud of my results. I know I exist without her but...I kind of wish I could exist with her. Something I can't seem to stop thinking.
smudge21 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I wish the girls chased me! The last ex did but that was a one off after a few years. I too don't like the idea of approaching girls in bars. Not my thing. Saying that though, I sometimes find not being that forward can have the effect of them showing interest. Basically mate, the whole dating game has no rules, or right and wrong, it's just do your best and see what happens! As for her leaving without closure, sadly that happens all too often. I recall demanding an ex explain why she left and she hit me with some terrible feedback, like she never cared or loved me or anything - that shot me down more than not knowing. Like I said, there's no way you can know what her life is truly like - even if you talked to her, she'd probably not be honest, so force yourself not to think about it. It's like trying to work out the lottery numbers, you're never going to do it. Another relationship will come along, but like me, you're not in a place to have one right now. So instead just concentrate on yourself and healing. Case in point; was in a bar last night, stunning petite girl sat opposite and made eye contact but I did nothing about it. I regret it now, but I know I'm not ready for anything at the moment. Healing takes time, but we all heal eventually.
Author snaps Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 yeah i guess I'll just keep working on me. I'm good at that. And let the past be the past. Thanks for kind advice! and I hope you also heal and find what you're looking for in time!
smudge21 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Thanks mate, I know we'll both be fine in time. That's the thing with visiting this site; you realise that everyone has so many different problems but we all have one thing in common: we all heal in time!
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