roxy123 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Hi everyone, I discovered this forum only a few days ago and its comforting to know that I am not alone here. In short, I had a 5 year relationship with a guy I loved more than anyone. I moved in with him last year (April) and we broke up in January 2011. Mistakes were made on both our ends(he apparently was seeing his ex just supposedly just as "friends") and I moved out. He knows I love him to death. He called me 2 weeks after our break up asking me to come pick my stuff( stuff I had recently got in the mail). We ended up having sex and he tells me "Too bad, we have great sex but don't just get along". A few days later, I break my NC and call him and we end up meeting again. Then again he texts me wanting me to sneak in at night and leave by the morning because he did not want his 11 year old son to know we were back together (which I guess we were not). I refused and got a text saying it sucked we could not work it out..the more he was into the relationship the more he realized it was not going to work out and he hoped we could at least be friends as he still likes me...I caved in and said ok but secretly I wanted him back. Then he started making it clear that he wanted more of a FWB relationship (I MEAN AFTER 5 YEARS, THAT'S HOW LOW OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS COME TO!!!!)..We always had great sex and he says I'm the best he's ever been with and he knows the feeling is mutual ..Being blind and stupid, I become his doormat for the next 2.5 months BUT only on his terms. He stood me up more than a couple times, didn't wish me on my birthday, etc. I last saw him 3.5 weeks ago on Monday. I texted him on Friday wanting to see him again (TRUST ME IF YOU BREAK NC THE PAIN COMES BACK TENFOLD) and he said he was sick. It has been almost 3 weeks that I have been on NC...Obviously, he has not tried to contact me. Some days it is HARD ...I still love him but I need to love myself more and respect myself...The sad part is I am not sure if he initiates contact again, will I give in? MUST RESIST ..How do I make it clear to him that I want a relationship and nothing less...this royally sucks...
Author roxy123 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 I am so close to texting him saying, "so that's it, huh"...but I have to STOP
ilovedhim Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 you're doing the right thing. Don't cave in. A relationship has to go both ways. From what I read here he was starting to use you. Maintain NC and your sanity, dignity, respect. Funny you mentioned being a doormat. I just read this quote: There are only two types of women, goddesses and doormats -Picasso Be a goddess
Author roxy123 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 Thank you for your words. I did not cave in. I'm just sad that I wasted 5 years of my life dreaming about our lives together for nothing. I don't think I can love anyone as much as I love(d?) him....I wish he would come begging but I can't hold on to the hope and be stuck in a rut. I don't know how I'm gonna overcome this and not be depressed.
Author roxy123 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 So, yesterday I kept thinking about my ex. I had dreams about him (with another woman) 2 nights in a row. I really want to break my NC and send him an email as I feel like I have not told him how I really feel. I still have NO closure. It bothers me to think that we might never see each other again EVER. I was always the punching bag listening to him while he really did not wanna listen to what I had to say. When I had the opportunity right before we broke up, I was so hurt and I said some mean things I did not mean (ex: I will find someone better than you and you will forever be alone). A week after the break up, he called me wanting to hook up and I lied to him by saying I was already seeing someone else. It was my pathetic way of trying to make him jealous and pull him closer towards me BUT it did the opposite. Is it a good idea to break NC after 3.5 weeks? Is it ever gonna work? Is it worth it???
Author roxy123 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Then why do I feel like maybe he is waiting for me to initiate contact? Is that just my wishful thinking...I'm not sure if he knows I really wanted to be with him...Why do I feel like there will never be another like him? Like I will never feel this way about another man?
Author roxy123 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 OH NO !!!! I broke down and texted him "How are you?" L A M E Now what?
Recommended Posts