wish it was a dream Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 It's been 5 and a half months now and I'm still a wreck. Of course it isn't as painful as it once was, but my heart still aches and the tears fall down my cheeks too often. I feel like I should be over him by now but I'm not the breakup itself was out of the blue and as evil as can be through a text. I can't get over how heartless he was to me after 2.5 half years together. I think about him daily and I know the man I loved is never going to return, he has changed so drastically he is unrecognizable. I feel afraid to even talk to others because I could get hurt. I have had guys approach me but I am too much of a mess to even look at them seriously. I constantly have that feeling like I will ALWAYS be ALONE and it scares me to the very core. How do you get over your first love the one who showed you what love is, and gave you feelings that you never experienced before? It felt amazing to love him and take care of him and the loneliness is debilitating. I have no one to love or to take care of. No one to ask me how my day was and kiss me. That is what makes me the most sad. Love changed my life and I was a better woman because of it and now I am a sad, miserable woman who feels like she's 65 when I'm only 21! I want any advice or help you guys can give me. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
IfiKnewThen Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 all i can say is i promise you, you will get him out of your system and get over him in time. you will have ups and downs and yearning and longing and anger and hope and resentment, and forgiveness and on and on it goes. BUTTTTT it is a part of the healing process. you are NORMAL. you are grieving. get support from everyone you can. family and friends. but tell yourself ..this: i will talk about this 1 hour a day and then stop. as we speak of things it builds. it good to get it out. but then you have to rest. you need breaks. many of then. we all need balance. think of this, God made the world in balance...the planets, the tides...everything. thats how things work. balance. you have to offset the grief, with good things, however small. even if it means you ate something you loved. you saw a happy funny movie. each time there will be even small happiness in your day. it will build. write it down. whatever good occurred. i don't care if you saw a butterfly that was pretty. look at it. thank God for it and write down the nice thing in the day however minor. find the good. these are survival techniques that however small will build over time. good positive self talk. acceptance. all of this will become healing in time. but his things in a box. have a good bye ceremony. and say goodbye for now. if you needed to tell him something..say it. only IF you really know you can handle this without expecting anything in return from him. & get him off the pedestal. if you feel stronger with NC. keep it. stay strong. if you need professional help talk to someone you can trust. listen to me please....You will NOT always be alone. YOU wont!!!!!!!!!! you cant believe this or see any of it now, but there will be someone for you again . dont be too busy pining over this other person or you will miss it, even if its right before you. dont give your life and time over to the ex. give it to YOU. love you. trust you. trust life and time. its still raw. so, naturally other guys dont appeal to you. you are grieving. but you must over time...at least..keep an open mind and devote time again to you and others. tell yourself this: you will return to Love shack again someday down the road...after you use it to heal. and you will look back and say whewwwwwwwww i got through that. look at that post. i AM OK now. its not so bad and its better and better. life isnt perfect, but this can and will get BETTER and i will feel joy again. ] dont let a bad day be marked as evidence of there not being good. let the good days be evidence that good can return and still exists and you are going to get on board and be a part of it. get hugs from family and friends. pray. be kind still and you WILL be giving back to the world and it will come full circle for you somehow. believe it. live it. see it. feel it again. i know this feeling is bad and serious..but you are gonna heal. these things take a bit of time. you will love again. someone will cherish you and you them. learn about relationships. read books. men are from mars women are from venus . mars and venus on a date. once again..........i know you loved him. but this void will be filled through healing and time and you will not be alone. just get good relationship skills under your belt, and hang in there. one day at a time. right now think of getting through only one day at a time. but remember..write down the beauty and good that still remain. focus on that . get out have fun. stay away from songs that hurt you now or remind you. after a while, it wont bother you anymore. hang in there . hugs
IfiKnewThen Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 PS. they are heartless because THEY cant deal. dont take it personally. this is a common syndrome. heartless is coward like. he is different. it IS shocking i know. its seems so hard to come to terms with. but you will. and remember its because they have a fault. they cant deal. thats not your fault. use those techniques. keep going. happiness and a warm good feeling is waiting for you again. plant the seeds and it will come to you. give to yourself now. stay far away from drinking and things like that. that wont life you in the short of long run. YOU will life you up and those that can give you their brand of love too. just hang in there.
Author wish it was a dream Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 WOW thank you so much you are amazing. I really appreciate you taking some time out to help me. I will definitely continue to reread your words and gain strength from them. Once again thank you so much you are an angel.
stopthemadness Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 If I knew then- Wow Thanks for the great post!! Feels like I just got a pep talk too, Thanks I was due for one (smile). And your right, there will be bad days, but after a while they turn into bad hours then before you know it you've had a few good days and Bam there you go, on your way to feeling better. Time will heal our broken hearts weather we want it to or not. We just have to give it time.
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