nyckidd Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Some people say it is possible, some say dont focus on that, others say it cant be done. My question is that if you wish to acheive this, is it best to shut your ex out of your life completley or occasionally text them here and there to see how they are doing etc..
D-Lish Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 It's best to go no contact at all. What you have to really come to terms with is that is someone leaves you and they want you back they will move mountains to make it happen. You should never have to remind someone that you are still interested in being in their life- that's giving them far too much power over you. If they want you back they will contact you and make the effort to make it happen. If they don't- you are doing yourself a favour and preserving your dignity by remaining silent.
loverboy1984 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) NC all the way. Trust me I want my ex back too but here is what NC has done for me so far as I near week 7. NC makes you cool down and think straight. Heres how I gauged it. I wrote a letter to her but just for myself, not to send to her. Each week I would edit it and I noticed it got shorter, less mushy,less desperate, less needy. It was a page long and now its 3 lines. What does that say? It means I became more indifferent and realized how stupid I would have sounded. What else has NC done for me? I got to think If I really do love this girl and want to be with her. I have been with her for 6 yrs so If I got back it would get more serious. So what have I concluded so far? YES I do want her back but if its going to be serious I need a solid commitment from her. Love is a 2 way street. I dont want to persuade her back or make her feel guilty. I want her back genuinely. Then I want to take it slow and see if I still feel the same. I also know as I move up in life more girls will come along and I want to be in a good position to try again with someone else. But I dont need a relationship, no one does. Remember that. So dont chase it. NC has also let me see where I went wrong and be a better person. Im sure I made mistakes that led to this break up, even though it was not my fault. If I can accept that I will be a better person for her if not someone else. As much as I hate this break up Its made me want to fix things that I never would have fixed about myself. She has supported me through the toughest parts of my life and right now I am preparing for the most important exam of my life. Its 8hrs long and on everything I have learned in medical school. She probably expects me to call her so she can be there for me but I wont. Why? because I dont need her. Im doing this for me. Im my best friend and my success and happiness is not owed to anyone. I dont need her, even though I do want her. She deffinately lost points in my book for leaving me at the worst time, and thats something that I can never forget. So why be little myself and chase her? NC allows you to love yourself, work on yourself and it allows you to realize if you really do love your ex and want her back. It gets you out of your comfort zone and lets you see things clearly if you allow yourself to. You see their faults, and yours. You assess your compatibility beyond the comfort. Give it time and think. Im the most impatient person. Till yesterday I wanted to call her.I didnt and wont. SHE BROKE UP WITH ME AND SHE NEEDS TO TRY NOT ME. If it doesnt work out then great it wasnt going to. Just be strong, selfish, and have fun, because this is your chance before you begin another relationship. And remember It doesnt matter if you want them back, they need to come back on their own. But if you really think she still loves you and wants to be with you and want to make contact wait at least a few months and test the waters with a short message, but dont think about that now. enjoy life my friend Edited April 29, 2011 by loverboy1984
dunnowhat86 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Hi! Gosh okay I can't believe i am back here...... I am an execellent example of why a) you should never never go back to your ex b) CP ALWAYS change their minds and go back and then leave AGAIN Then again it is only now i have realised my boyfriend had commitment issues all the time... My story goes like this: me and my boyfriend have been together for 3.5 years.....After the first year we had been together we broke up...he did not know what he wanted.... but he said he loved him... I go into NC for about 2 weeks. He slowly started sending me texts asking how i have been etc etc. i never replied. then he started calling. i ignored it. before i knew it he was asking for a second chance. silly as i was i felll for it and thought gosh okay he had made a mistake. 6 months after around christmas time, he becomes distant and starts pushing me away. I get tired of this circle and demands an explanation which he then replies that he doesnt know what he feels, he loves me but cant give me what i need and that i deserve something better. I go into NC again for 2weeks. Same thing happens, he stars calling me and texting me after 2 weeks, saying he is messed up etc etc etc. i love him very much and want to believe him. This is the time I joined loveshack and shared my experience and so on. Eventually we get back together Everything has been well for 1.5 years. In fact, he wanted to move in with me only 5 months ago and saying things how in love he is with me etc etc. So what happens 2 months ago? He starts pulling away, saying stuff like how much he wants to travel how he is stuck in the city he is at. Im trying to be supportive because he admits he feels depressed. By now I am moving to another city in august and our initial plan(because we had been planning on moving in together by august) had been for him to look for jobs. he hasnt been very succesful and that has put him down too i guess...so he is looking for jobs anywhere in the country. However then he starts saying how he is not sure of what he wants anymore, he wants to move abroad at some point next year, that we would not work long distance at all, that he cant be committed to me long distance etc. i thought after 3.5 years together, surely one year being 2.5hours away from each is fine????? and i asked him if i could go with him abroad and he wasnt sure......what??!???!! Anyways, i said why cant we make the best of what we have now and then see what happens in the summer? he agrees but still has been pulling away, stopped being intimate with me and in the end I HAD IT, because it made me feel so little of a woman. made me feel like something he can chew and the spit. Broke up just a few days ago. NC for 5 days. I have blocked him from everything, turned my phone off. this time i cant let him do this to me again. i am so angry and shocked how he can do this to me AGAAAIIIIN specially now that i have my final exams in 2 weeks time.... My conclusion. He is a commitment phone. everytime its great he runs away. SO take it from me....DONT GO BACK TO YOUR CP EX. most likely he will do it again, again and again. At the moment i am hurt, cant concentrate and i feel used....
dunnowhat86 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 NC all the way. Trust me I want my ex back too but here is what NC has done for me so far as I near week 7. NC makes you cool down and think straight. Heres how I gauged it. I wrote a letter to her but just for myself, not to send to her. Each week I would edit it and I noticed it got shorter, less mushy,less desperate, less needy. It was a page long and now its 3 lines. What does that say? It means I became more indifferent and realized how stupid I would have sounded. What else has NC done for me? I got to think If I really do love this girl and want to be with her. I have been with her for 6 yrs so If I got back it would get more serious. So what have I concluded so far? YES I do want her back but if its going to be serious I need a solid commitment from her. Love is a 2 way street. I dont want to persuade her back or make her feel guilty. I want her back genuinely. Then I want to take it slow and see if I still feel the same. I also know as I move up in life more girls will come along and I want to be in a good position to try again with someone else. But I dont need a relationship, no one does. Remember that. So dont chase it. NC has also let me see where I went wrong and be a better person. Im sure I made mistakes that led to this break up, even though it was not my fault. If I can accept that I will be a better person for her if not someone else. As much as I hate this break up Its made me want to fix things that I never would have fixed about myself. She has supported me through the toughest parts of my life and right now I am preparing for the most important exam of my life. Its 8hrs long and on everything I have learned in medical school. She probably expects me to call her so she can be there for me but I wont. Why? because I dont need her. Im doing this for me. Im my best friend and my success and happiness is not owed to anyone. I dont need her, even though I do want her. She deffinately lost points in my book for leaving me at the worst time, and thats something that I can never forget. So why be little myself and chase her? NC allows you to love yourself, work on yourself and it allows you to realize if you really do love your ex and want her back. It gets you out of your comfort zone and lets you see things clearly if you allow yourself to. You see their faults, and yours. You assess your compatibility beyond the comfort. Give it time and think. Im the most impatient person. Till yesterday I wanted to call her.I didnt and wont. SHE BROKE UP WITH ME AND SHE NEEDS TO TRY NOT ME. If it doesnt work out then great it wasnt going to. Just be strong, selfish, and have fun, because this is your chance before you begin another relationship. And remember It doesnt matter if you want them back, they need to come back on their own. But if you really think she still loves you and wants to be with you and want to make contact wait at least a few months and test the waters with a short message, but dont think about that now. enjoy life my friend My final medical exams is in 2 weeks....and my boyfriend just broke up with me a few days. It proved to me that he really never cared
Fufu Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 NC, for yourself. Your ex has to be the one to realize he/she that this relationship is workable.
loverboy1984 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 My final medical exams is in 2 weeks....and my boyfriend just broke up with me a few days. It proved to me that he really never cared Hey Im really sorry to hear that. they show their true colors when they leave you during the time when you need their love and support. Im studying for Step 1 in a few weeks and I was struggling every day up until recently.
rollercoasterlif3 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Hey Im really sorry to hear that. they show their true colors when they leave you during the time when you need their love and support. Im studying for Step 1 in a few weeks and I was struggling every day up until recently. hey, i'm in the same position. my ex boyfriend of 3 years 9 months had just broken up with me 3 days ago. we've been on NC since then. i've got my graduate exams coming up in a couple of days and i'm finding it so hard to concentrate.
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