Rinnix Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I have this happen to me often, someone will hit on me and show interest. I will politely reject them as I am taken. I will tell them that while I am flattered, I have a partner and it wouldn't be appropiate to go on a date, etc. Lately, they don't take no as an answer. They think that I am attainable regardless of my relationship status. I have had multiple men still try and get me to go to dinner alone with them. It's as if they think I would be interested in cheating or seeking other options. I am not that kind of woman. I don't respect these types of people, It makes me question there ability to be in a monogamous relationship. Has anyone else experienced these type of people and situations?
one goal Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Problem is some girls are not direct. At least you're direct with them. My teacher really isn't direct then wonders why she keeps getting hit on.
lovingADove Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Unfortunately, for lots of women ... NO really means ... can you try a little harder? But, most men need to understand ... when it is really NO ... and the girl is not playing games and testing their manhood.
Author Rinnix Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Unfortunately, for lots of women ... NO really means ... can you try a little harder? But, most men need to understand ... when it is really NO ... and the girl is not playing games and testing their manhood. Playing games just ruins dating. If I was interested in a guy and single id go on the date without playing cat and mouse. I find it insulting when someone pushes, especially when I just mentioned my partner.
fishtaco Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Unfortunately, for lots of women ... NO really means ... can you try a little harder? But, most men need to understand ... when it is really NO ... and the girl is not playing games and testing their manhood. Yup. Some women think if you just back off at the first "no", that means you don't like them enough. Very strange. But yes, unfortunately many men are persistent. Sometimes, that's a response trained by women, either because they encourage it, or because they eventually give in. But sometimes it's just because the guy is just a clueless stalker, as with our very own resident troll, one goal. At least that's what he's using to troll us. But I don't do that. If I get a no, I'm out. What I won't settle for, is ambiguity. I will push until I get an clear yes or a clear no.
Jazzari Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I'm having the same trouble right now. The problem is, he's a client and I have no idea how to handle it. The polite no and even a firm no just isn't working. I can't afford to tell him to f-off.
fishtaco Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I'm having the same trouble right now. The problem is, he's a client and I have no idea how to handle it. The polite no and even a firm no just isn't working. I can't afford to tell him to f-off. Oh man... that's a tough one. Are you in a relationship? If not then you could dangle the carrot to get more business from your client. Men are exceedingly stupid when it comes to things like this. A persistent man is asking to be used. So use him, since he's so insistent. But if you're in a relationship then it's better to not even go there.
one goal Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I'm having the same trouble right now. The problem is, he's a client and I have no idea how to handle it. The polite no and even a firm no just isn't working. I can't afford to tell him to f-off. So what does he keep doing? the teacher never has directly told me NO. Just says she wont add me to facebook. Why are women so indirect sometimes?
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) Why are women so indirect sometimes? She was direct already. It was you who just refused to understand a clear signal of "no." Most of our communication as humans is done through body language and actions. Refusing to understand this and relying on solely verbal means of communication is a grave societal error that you should seek to correct. And if you really want a scientific source explaning this, read You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen before you protest that I'm just BSing. And besides, in a business setting it is rather inappropriate for relationships between a client and his contact anyways. He should understand this intuitively; it's just common courtesy. But I wouldn't expect you to understand since you think that a relationship between a student and his professor is appropriate. Edited April 29, 2011 by BiscuitXOXO added 3rd paragraph
Nexus One Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Has anyone else experienced these type of people and situations? Yes. I've seen a guy once hit on a woman in a supermarket with her boyfriend walking next to her. He asked her for her number and she gave it to him, I think out of politeness. Then when the couple left the store he called her! Here's what I picked up, because he had it on speaker(this guy was in no way subtle): Him: Hello it's me. We just met in the supermarket. I think you are very pretty. Do you want to go out with me? Her: I have a boyfriend. You've met him. Him: Yes, but he doesn't have to come. That guy blew my mind, I had to laugh, but also thought that what he did was disrespectful to her boyfriend.
Professor X Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Yes. I've seen a guy once hit on a woman in a supermarket with her boyfriend walking next to her. He asked her for her number and she gave it to him, I think out of politeness. Then when the couple left the store he called her! Here's what I picked up, because he had it on speaker(this guy was in no way subtle): Him: Hello it's me. We just met in the supermarket. I think you are very pretty. Do you want to go out with me? Her: I have a boyfriend. You've met him. Him: Yes, but he doesn't have to come. That guy blew my mind, I had to laugh, but also thought that what he did was disrespectful to her boyfriend. lol, good laugh there
one goal Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 She was direct already. It was you who just refused to understand a clear signal of "no." Most of our communication as humans is done through body language and actions. Refusing to understand this and relying on solely verbal means of communication is a grave societal error that you should seek to correct. And if you really want a scientific source explaning this, read You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen before you protest that I'm just BSing. And besides, in a business setting it is rather inappropriate for relationships between a client and his contact anyways. He should understand this intuitively; it's just common courtesy. But I wouldn't expect you to understand since you think that a relationship between a student and his professor is appropriate. It seems men are more direct though.
runner Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I'm having the same trouble right now. The problem is, he's a client and I have no idea how to handle it. The polite no and even a firm no just isn't working. I can't afford to tell him to f-off. agree to some happy hour drinks, and then show up with your partner as if it wasn't a big deal ...and then get all PDA/kissy face with your bf
alethean Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Honestly, it's a real concern for me, the inability to take no for an answer. Where's the line between the dating game and playing hard to get and harassment? Also, why can't some people understand when something is inappropriate (as in Jazzari's case)? As a woman, I do admit that I get scared sometimes. Although most men are harmless, the existence of men who for whatever reason can't/won't take no is always in the back of my mind. It's just strange to me that people like that would acknowledge that a woman might have stated the inappropriateness of the situation or expressed a dislike of the person, but still persist because there was no overtly negative answer. It really bothers me.
alethean Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 It seems men are more direct though. Because they can afford to be.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 It seems men are more direct though. Pfft no way. Men and women are direct/indirect in different ways. For example, men are much more evasive about "expressing their feelings" verbally. You never see a man pleading a woman to "tell me how you feel." It's always the other way around. And in the end, it's all cultural. Go to an Oriental country and EVERYONE is indirect. Example: Japanese customs of giving/rejecting/accepting gifts. It's very complex and delicate and to outsiders, it seems ridiculous. It all depends on our social conditioning.
gaius Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I have this happen to me often, someone will hit on me and show interest. I will politely reject them as I am taken. I will tell them that while I am flattered, I have a partner and it wouldn't be appropiate to go on a date, etc. Lately, they don't take no as an answer. They think that I am attainable regardless of my relationship status. I have had multiple men still try and get me to go to dinner alone with them. It's as if they think I would be interested in cheating or seeking other options. I am not that kind of woman. I don't respect these types of people, It makes me question there ability to be in a monogamous relationship. Has anyone else experienced these type of people and situations? You've never been tempted to cheat on a partner? It's surprising how often raw aggressiveness can work when it comes to getting laid. Even though you don't go for it many women do.
mo mo Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I have this happen to me often, someone will hit on me and show interest. I will politely reject them as I am taken. I will tell them that while I am flattered, I have a partner and it wouldn't be appropiate to go on a date, etc. Lately, they don't take no as an answer. They think that I am attainable regardless of my relationship status. I have had multiple men still try and get me to go to dinner alone with them. It's as if they think I would be interested in cheating or seeking other options. I am not that kind of woman. I don't respect these types of people, It makes me question there ability to be in a monogamous relationship. Has anyone else experienced these type of people and situations? You really can't blame them to be honest, and you shouldn't take it personally. A lot of women in relationships say no at first but really do want to cheat or hook up with other guys. I made a thread about it here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263837/ A few girls in relationships that I used to talk to got all upset when I stopped talking to them. There's more details in the thread.
phineas Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 OP, how good looking were these guys? I'll bet their good looking enough that women with partner's & lesser morals did get with them after a few attempts.
Author Rinnix Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 You've never been tempted to cheat on a partner? It's surprising how often raw aggressiveness can work when it comes to getting laid. Even though you don't go for it many women do. When I love someone, I won't think of cheating. I'll be flattered and take it as a confidence boost that an attractive male had eyes on me, but it won't be more then that. Sure, everyone has temptation, but a attractive person is not worth losing someone I love.
Author Rinnix Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 OP, how good looking were these guys? I'll bet their good looking enough that women with partner's & lesser morals did get with them after a few attempts. I get a variety of different men interested in me. It's typically the men with the pretty boy face, and mysterious eyes. Sadly for them it's not my type. (Not that id ever cheat anyway.) I know that these men are not used to being turned down, which is why they are baffled when I say no thank you.
irc333 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I think because, with relationships as disposable as they are these days, that guys think that the current guy the woman's now with, well, it might be on the outs or a "ho-hum" kind of relationship that he could easily drive a wedge in between them. Just a theory, something I wouldn't do. But, me personally, I wouldn't bother if they had a sig. other, just out of respect. I'm more about being persistent when they are UN-attached. LOL!
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