LDR partner is depressed,

[sunrise28]

My partner has depression and has been off work for a few months now.

I understand how depression is, as i have had it in the past. I've been very sympathetic and understanding but I am finding things hard.

 

You see, we have been together 3 years now, we're engaged and miss eachother terribly. I have two children from a previous relationship and he is still living with his ex wife ( can't sell the house due to negative equity).

I have been there a number of times ( but without the children purposely).

 

I am so torn, I love him, he loves me. I miss him, he misses me.

 

Yet I am feeling so selfish at the moment. I am trying so hard to deal with their situation there. I keep telling myself, if you love him you will get through this. You will accept he may be living there with her for years yet. As teh financial climate is rubbish to say the least.

 

Yet if I am honest it is really getting to me, and i have talked to him about this on numerous occassions. He has said he hates it there too, but can't do anything about it at the moment.

 

He says his depression is mainly because he can't be with me and the kids. So I feel selfish for having the feelings I do.

 

I don't want to have a ldr with him, for say a t least 3 more years like this. Engaged but can't live together. Can't take the kids up there, but want to be with him.

Don't like that he still lives with his wife, but neither of them can afford to get out of the situation.

 

I suppose i am mainly annoyed at myself, because although i knew he lived with her when we met. I got the impression things would change dramaticly by now. we've had lots of time together, events, etc.

which makes it that much harder. As it makes us want it more, and love eachother more.

 

My gut keeps saying , I should get out, but thats my insecurities talking I think. I do love him very much otherwise I wouldn't have let him meet my children or get engaged.

 

Yet if I get out, am I being selfish, how could I do that when he is depressed.

I'd be leaving because I can't handle him living with her still, worrying about my responsability to the kids, is it damaging them. am i fooling myself. Oh so many things running around my head. I adore him and miss him so much.

If i stay with him for years like this, i know i will get worse. When will we ever live together. If I go though, does that mean i don't love him completely?

[doubtfulwonder]

I'm sorry for your sticky situation I know it's not easy and you're very torn about this.

 

Is there anyone he can talk to, such a professional, who he can seek advice regarding the house? I mean, is there absolutely no way to figure out means of selling the house? Or maybe a solution that didn't know about/realize before?

 

Does he have any plan in place or is he just letting the days go by just in hopes that his situation will change? Is he actively looking for another job? I'm just throwing some questions out there to consider since I don't know him.

 

Even though you love him, you have to also think about what's best for you and your kids. LDR's are tough. But it helps when you know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. If there's no set plan, it becomes even more difficult. Wishing you the best!

[kneenocheno]

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