hello07 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Actually no, I really have royally messed up. Anyways, I just broke up with my boyfriend several days ago. He's in his early 20's, me late teens. We've been together for two and a half years, best friends for a little over three. Very happy for all of it. The reason I say I "messed up" is because I broke up with him so abruptly, it literally shattered his heart. I wasn't even planning on doing such a thing...and my reasons being for "wanting to see other people," and that perhaps "the relationship is getting a little stale." I told him that. I truly do love him, but I do have this urge to see other people....yet I'm so confused and may want to stay with him. I know it sounds horrendous. Yet my boyfriend says he may not want to get back together for fear of getting hurt again, like this. He really wants to settle down, he had every intention on marrying me, really. And earlier in the relationship he even gave me a promise ring (corny, I know, but its so beautiful and means so much to me) and I really stuck with it and kept that in my mind. But it's hard to ignore these feelings. And there's this guy at my work who has been hinting he likes me. Even my manager has dropped hints about it. Maybe I'm just not used to the attention. I'm just so horribly confused, I'm upset because I've hurt my bf, and don't know what on earth to do. And we've been on minimal contact (texting and talking) and I haven't physically seen him in like 5 days and I've both said that I "didn't mean to break up" and "I still want to get back together" due to all the stress I've been having lately. I messed up. So lost. Help please.
loverboy1984 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Sounds like you have a case of grass is greener. Your young so settling down seems like a nice fantacy but still far from reality for you. What you did was messed up, infact that same thing happened to me and thats why I am here. I think your both at different levels maturity wise. Maybe it was time to end it but no one can make that judgement but you. I think you are thirsty for attention and it feels good to get it. Thats why you are tempted and want to see whats out there. Its normal. You just got to know you cant have your cake and eat it and sometimes you risk losing something. If you both love each other genuinely and its beyond sex,infatuation, comfort then maybe he will take you back. But he may pull the same thing later too. Both of you are in transition years of your life remember that. I gave a promise ring to my gf and after 6 years she pulled the same thing as you. Promises and rings are nothing more than words and an object. It doesnt mean anything. I understand you have regret. but if its not too late and you havent done anything maybe you can talk to him. But if you still have the urge to go out and see whats out there then you have to be honest with yourself and accept the loss. Who knows maybe later you will connect. But right now he is hurt really really bad and talking to him will not help. give it time to cool down first.
iceweasel6 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 The reason I say I "messed up" is because I broke up with him so abruptly, it literally shattered his heart. I wasn't even planning on doing such a thing...and my reasons being for "wanting to see other people," and that perhaps "the relationship is getting a little stale." I told him that. I truly do love him hello07, You probably do care for him very much, and I can see that in the fact that your here taking time out of your day to devote to finding out why you broke up with him. I can't tell you what your thinking and what you should do, but I will give you some ideas and you can pick and choose. It's possible, as other members have pointed out that your having a "grass is greener" on the other side type situation. Another boy likes you and your interest level has gone up now that a "new" love interest is a possibility. Another is that your confused, where you don't know if he is the right one, and your not sure if you want to settle down just yet - you are still a teenager. Another, is your needs aren't being met from his side, that's probably why you are describing the relationship as "stale". To effectively deal with any problem and begin a resolution it has to be accurately identified. I say accurately because if we incorrectly identify that you think the relationship is stale because your needs aren't being met when it's in reality you don't want to settle down, any resolution will fail to occur. So, take your time, think about what the problem is and identify it. Let him know that you will need some time to identify why it is your feeling the way you are feeling and give him a deadline (people like deadlines and its shows you are taking their feelings into consideration as well). Say, I'm going to think about things until Friday, and tell him some of the things your thinking about to engage him. Once you have identified the problem - decide if you want to work it out with him or not, and move forward from there. Be honest, straightforward and transparent. It will save you and him a lot of hurt and frustration.
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