stephmichelle Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Here I am again, having a break down. I have previous threads explaining up to this point. We were together 3 years, been broken up 2 months. The last 2 weeks I found out he's been hanging out with this girl that he used to have a class with. Everytime I asked him about it, he just lied and said he's seen her one time, doesn't want to date anyone. I saw him Saturday and we had a great night (made the mistake of sleeping with him). Come Monday I find out she was at his house - so I called Tuesday and demanded the truth. He still lied so I called HER (she had texted me at 3am one night trying to start drama, which is how I had her number) and told her I wanted the truth and he completely denies her - that we had spent Saturday night together, he still tells me he loves me, and we still talk. She said they just hang out and they both enjoy drinking and going to the bars (they go everynight). She said they were just friends. He calls me a c**t and tells me I should trust him - then finally after we argue, admits they're hanging out - but that's it - still wants to be single and doesn't want to be with anyone. I tell him I deserve more than this after 3 years, I don't deserve to be lied to, I'm done doing this and he won't be hearing from me anymore. He texts me back trying to validate himself and I just ignore it. I started NC at 3pm yesterday. My best friend has been up there all week, her bf lives in the same house with my ex, and she called me up today saying I needed to know because it's not fair to me - the girl stayed with him lastnight in his room and she's pretty sure they had sex (she could hear). I am COMPLETELY DEVASTATED. We just spent Saturday night together and he sleeps with her Wednesday night. I keep having these thoughts of them - him being sweet to hear, calling her sweet names that he used to call me, touching her like he used to me, and now having sex. I can't get them out of my mind. This is the type of girl he wants to be with? Someone who gets drunk everynight with him and goes to the bars?! He wouldn't even allow me to see him everyday, I had to wait until the weekends, but he can see her everyday? And now I'm starting to worry that he's liked her longer than I know of since they had class together a year ago. I want to call and ask but I won't - I will not let him know that I care anymore. How do I stop thinking about them? How could he do this? This hurts so incredibly bad. My heart has officially been broken into a million pieces. I don't know how to stop feeling like this
Kilty Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Terrible stuff and know 100% how you must feel. It's as if your guts have been ripped out. You probably know what to do yourself for things to get better but are probably in denial as we all are at some point after a break up. It's not what you want to hear but there should be no way back now. You should follow NC to the core and in particular Jason's tips below. You have to move on and realise he is no longer part of your life and whatever he does is of no concern or meaning to you. You couldnt take him back now anyway right ? And any man that calls a girl he is supposed to have feelings for a c**t - Well does that not say it all ? You deserve better and will find it
Author stephmichelle Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 Terrible stuff and know 100% how you must feel. It's as if your guts have been ripped out. You probably know what to do yourself for things to get better but are probably in denial as we all are at some point after a break up. It's not what you want to hear but there should be no way back now. You should follow NC to the core and in particular Jason's tips below. You have to move on and realise he is no longer part of your life and whatever he does is of no concern or meaning to you. You couldnt take him back now anyway right ? And any man that calls a girl he is supposed to have feelings for a c**t - Well does that not say it all ? You deserve better and will find it Thank you Kilty. There is no way I could take him back now. I told him if he ever started seeing someone else that I wouldn't be able to overcome that - which is the main reason he kept lying about her - he didn't want me know, trying to keep me as a backup plan in case he did ever want to come back. I'll definetly be sticking to NC this time around, besides, any time I do contact him, it's just lies and not even worth it. Its not the first time he's called me names like that - I guess I just kind of got used to it - but you're right, that speaks a lot about him. I just wish I could push these thoughts out of my head...
Kilty Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I know - and i have been there. Well to be honest i still am to a certain extent. The only bonus (if you can call it that) of visualising your ex humping someone else is that it reaffirms how you cant go back there - and also speeds up your denial evaporation - still took me a year though. Personally though i know for a fact she had never ever had as great sex in her life than the sex she had with me - its just a pity i was pish poor with other parts of the relationship. And i know that with who she is with now in that particular department she will never scale the heights that we had. I think the thoughts you are having will dissapear fairly soon though. You seem to be able to see everything about him for what they are. I guess its just the "what was once ours" syndrome along with hurt pride that is hindering you at the moment. From what you have divulged i think you also are aware you can do and deserve much better - and will also find it
bestrong Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 You deserve a better guy in your life. He doesn't respect you at all since he has been lying to you and called you the word that should never come out from someone who cares about you. When I think about my ex, her sex life doesn;t bother me as much as the fact that she is with another person, but it still hurts a bit. The deal breaker is he isn;t treating you as a friend - honest, loyal and care for your feeling. You wouldn't want him in you life, at least not at this moment.
Author stephmichelle Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 You deserve a better guy in your life. He doesn't respect you at all since he has been lying to you and called you the word that should never come out from someone who cares about you. When I think about my ex, her sex life doesn;t bother me as much as the fact that she is with another person, but it still hurts a bit. The deal breaker is he isn;t treating you as a friend - honest, loyal and care for your feeling. You wouldn't want him in you life, at least not at this moment. That is what hurts the most, him not being able to treat me as a friend like he promised he would. He's so rude and mean - and I've done nothing to deserve it. I've never heard him talk to his "friends" the way he's talked to me, even while we were together. Them having sex doesn't bother me AS MUCH as the thought of him getting emotionally involved. He wasn't there for me emotionally. Never had time for me, couldn't even text me a couple times a day to ask how I was doing - and now all of a sudden he's there for her everyday. If he loved me like he said he did, why couldn't he have tried to do that for me when that's all I was asking for? Basically, attention. It just hurts knowing that's all I asked of him and now he's putting so much effort into her
JasonRules Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 And? Tell me Steph, is the pain you're going through right now worth the one night you spent with him? How does that make you feel that the very next day your ex-boyfriend was sleeping with someone else? Let me tell you something; your ex-boyfriend is not only a scumbag, he's also a coward. You see if your ex were a man, he'd tell you "Yes, I a met someone else". And if you're boyfriend were not a scumbag, he would not have taken advantage of your feelings for him, but seeing that your ex is both a coward AND a scumbag. If you think this piece of trash is worth even half a tear drop running down your cheeks, your head needs to be examined. I look at your photo and I see a radiant face with beautiful eyes and instead of forgetting about this train wreck of a "man" and going out and living your life and finding a decent guy who will respect, care for, and more importantly share fun moments with, you're sitting at home feeling miserable about someone who is NOT WORTH IT. So tonight, go ahead and cry and release everything you have inside of you. Starting tomorrow I want you to follow my NC rules and also do the following each morning. After you get out of the shower, sit for a few seconds and look at yourself in the mirror. And when I mean look, I mean REALLY LOOK AT YOURSELF. Then, when you are ready tell yourself the following: "I will not let you break me" Keep doing this every single morning
Sassygirl2 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I just love reading what you have to say, Jason. You always make me feel better with your words. Steph, you will get over this! You will. You sound like a great girl and for a guy to treat you that way is just NOT ACCEPTABLE. Like Jason said, "He is NOT worth it!" He is not worth your time and energy anymore. Let him go. I know it hurts so bad and it's OK to grieve the loss. From reading a lot of posts on here for the last 2 weeks, this is definitely a no contact - no exceptions - situation. If you do contact him, you will only be telling him that it OK to hurt you like this. And it's NOT. Take time to love yourself. Be good to you. Hang out with friends and family who care about you and know you will feel better a little bit each day.
Author stephmichelle Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 And? Tell me Steph, is the pain you're going through right now worth the one night you spent with him? How does that make you feel that the very next day your ex-boyfriend was sleeping with someone else? Let me tell you something; your ex-boyfriend is not only a scumbag, he's also a coward. You see if your ex were a man, he'd tell you "Yes, I a met someone else". And if you're boyfriend were not a scumbag, he would not have taken advantage of your feelings for him, but seeing that your ex is both a coward AND a scumbag. If you think this piece of trash is worth even half a tear drop running down your cheeks, your head needs to be examined. I look at your photo and I see a radiant face with beautiful eyes and instead of forgetting about this train wreck of a "man" and going out and living your life and finding a decent guy who will respect, care for, and more importantly share fun moments with, you're sitting at home feeling miserable about someone who is NOT WORTH IT. So tonight, go ahead and cry and release everything you have inside of you. Starting tomorrow I want you to follow my NC rules and also do the following each morning. After you get out of the shower, sit for a few seconds and look at yourself in the mirror. And when I mean look, I mean REALLY LOOK AT YOURSELF. Then, when you are ready tell yourself the following: "I will not let you break me" Keep doing this every single morning Thank you for all that, Jason. I always enjoy reading your posts - it's tough love, sometimes hard to hear, but always true. I wish more than anything I hadn't of went and saw him Saturday - I would feel a lot better about myself right now. But also I'm kind of thankful in a way that I did, because by him sleeping with someone else right after me, really confirms the type of person he is. Not only him, but her also, I told her we were together Saturday and that doesn't bother her one bit? It would've me, but that shows me her character, too. All the names I've thought of calling him, I haven't thought of coward, but you're absolutely right. If he would've been honest with me and told me he was seeing someone else, I could've started moving on a while ago! I also sure as hell wouldn't have gone and seen him! He is a liar and a coward. I did read your NC thread earlier today and have already done a lot of it the first week we broke up. But now I have to stick with NC, without a doubt. It's so hard but I know it's the best for me. I'm no longer one of those "Well, if I don't talk to him then he'll miss me and come back eventually" which is why I could only stick with LC because I wanted him back...but not now, I don't care if he ever wants me back because I do NOT want him. Yes, I still miss him but as each day goes by, I see the person he really is and blame myself less & less for our break up. I have been crying a lot today but also thinking a lot, and he's really not worth it. I'll get over this, I've overcame much worse than this in my life and he WILL NOT be the one to break me now after all of that. Thank you so much for your support and advice! Thank you everyone! It's amazing how much comfort and strength complete strangers can give to you.
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