RyTom21 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I'm a 26 year old guy. I was ridiculed alot growing up, and it still affects me today. I think i'm slightly above average looking. Here's a picture: http://s1130.photobucket.com/albums/m525/ryantkvids/?action=view¤t=55165_481972114680_753104680_5747345_140715_o.jpg Everyone tells me i'm funny, I'm great with kids, and i'm one of the friendliest guys you'll ever meet. I start each day in a good mood, but then during the day I'll see guys who are better looking, taller, in better shape, etc..and all of the sudden i'm depressed. So when I see a beautiful woman I say to myself, "she would never be interested in me because I don't look like this guy I saw earlier today". Do you think leagues exist, or do you think guys like me made it up so we wouldn't have to take risks?
mo mo Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Leagues do exist, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to take some chances. Confidence and strong personality are much more valued in men than looks. You are not a bad looking guy at all, so you should work on developing the confidence to talk to women. I would suggest starting out by just having friendly convos without any specific goals in mind. If you star thinking about what you need to do to get them to go out with you then you are basically putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.
carhill Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 If you believe in yourself, there is simply who you want and who wants you. If those dynamics match up, then you have the opportunity for a relationship. In my 51 on the planet I've been rejected by a plethora of ladies, most of whom I have no idea of their objective beauty, status, popularity, etc. I really don't care. If I find them interesting and/or attractive, I'll ask them out. If the answer is no, it is. If yes, that. Your history appears to be littered with similar issues and concerns. If you find this debilitating, I'd suggest counseling. If currently attending, direct counselor's tasking to this area. Having been married and spending intimate time with different ladies, I find the single commonality is that the bathroom always stinks after they've dropped the kids off at the pool. No matter how rich or beautiful, this commonality binds them. Perhaps it's worth remembering; like you, they are all human. They live and then they die. Good luck
perfectlyunique Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 i always hear the saying he/she is out of my league, but i believe that if a person is drop dead gorgeous and has a nasty/ugly personality it makes them more ugly and the same the other way around...an average looking person becomes more attractive because they are nice and have a lovely personality.. when a person first sees you they will only see what you look like, you become attracted to them more or less after you have got to know them... dont put yourself down
SxB Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I'm a 26 year old guy. I was ridiculed alot growing up, and it still affects me today. I think i'm slightly above average looking. Here's a picture: http://s1130.photobucket.com/albums/m525/ryantkvids/?action=view¤t=55165_481972114680_753104680_5747345_140715_o.jpg Everyone tells me i'm funny, I'm great with kids, and i'm one of the friendliest guys you'll ever meet. I start each day in a good mood, but then during the day I'll see guys who are better looking, taller, in better shape, etc..and all of the sudden i'm depressed. So when I see a beautiful woman I say to myself, "she would never be interested in me because I don't look like this guy I saw earlier today". Do you think leagues exist, or do you think guys like me made it up so we wouldn't have to take risks? The only league that exist is whatever your preferences are.
Kelemort Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 You're lucky in that as a man, it's much easier for you to shop up than it is for a woman to shop up: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolved-primate/201005/science-secret-happy-marriages-be-more-attractive-your-spouse If only the best-looking, smartest, etc. ended up getting hitched, that would leave a lot of lonely, single people. I think that most people generally settle in a general range of attractiveness/intelligence/etc. My ex really shopped up with me. Right now, I'm in a relationship where most attributes are roughly comparable. But he believes he really lucked out in terms of looks, so it works for me. But yes, I think that 'leagues' exist. But not all people play by them. I think it's safe to say that if she's a supermodel, she'll probably be looking at other guys who are very stereotypically handsome too. But the idea that you're doomed is ridiculous. Like the vast, vast, vast majority of people, you probably won't date a model, but you could find a good-looking girl.
carhill Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 A gross and well-publicized example of what I'm talking about was the romance and marriage of Larry Fortensky and Liz Taylor, her eighth and last marriage. Her: 59, a mega-rich, long-lived and beautiful movie star who was married to and coupled with some of the most attractive and influential men in entertainment. Him: 39 year old construction worker and ostensibly 'average' in all obvious departments. Myself, if I ran across someone like her and found synergy, I'd have no problem pursuing that potential. If the interest was mutual, who knows? I wouldn't presume to know how she viewed me, wrt 'leagues', and frankly wouldn't care. If nothing came of it, on to the next potential. Life's too short to be the thought police.
perfectlyunique Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 The only league that exist is whatever your preferences are. actually i agree with this
Darren Taylor Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Yes they do. How you define them and where you think you rank is something else.
TheyCallMeBruce Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I've been with women who are dramatically better looking than I am on several occasions. I don't know if that adds anything to the conversation, but I like to brag.
AD1980 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 The only league that exist is whatever your preferences are. Not really your league is who says yes,if your prefrences say no then its not your league
SxB Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Not really your league is who says yes,if your prefrences say no then its not your league Yes really, but not everyone is going to say yes. You have to have a type, that's what a preference is- a type. Some people within all of your whole type will say yes, some won't.
alphamale Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Do you think leagues exist, or do you think guys like me made it up so we wouldn't have to take risks? of course leagues exist...i don't think you'll be marrying kate middleton friday morning
fishtaco Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Leagues do exist. But... 1) They only exist as perception. 2) Your perception is different from everyone else's perception. So first of all, just because you think someone is in a league higher or lower than you, that person may not think so. And you'll be both correct, because the concept of leagues is not synchronized between people, it's just perception. Second, if you create a faked perception, you can change leagues -- such as the big fish in the small pond effect. It's a very practical application of this. So I treat leagues the same way I treat astrology. I'll subscribe to it when it benefits me. I'll ignore it when it doesn't.
Disillusioned Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I've long accepted the fact that I'll never be comfortable being part of anyone's league. I'm tribeless.
washguy74 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Not really your league is who says yes,if your prefrences say no then its not your league I like that. OP, men can often make the mistake of evaluating other men, the way we evaluate women. You see a guy with a more muscled up body, or a more chiseled handsome face and think you could never compete. Just like you know the homely girl who wants you can never compete with the hot one you are after. Doesn't matter what she says or does. But you might have far more personality, be much more emotionally intelligent, make more money, etc., than a better looking guy you are intimidated by. If a woman went out with you both, she might choose you in a flash. The flip side is, the short skinny guy you think nothing about might have all those things over you, and could pry that same woman from you easily.
Kelemort Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 I wouldn't rate either guy I've dated as particularly physically attractive. When I fell in love with them, or even when I just liked them, it was because I thought that they were funny, polite, generous, ambitious, etc. Both told others that they thought I was significantly more physically attractive than they were - and expressed that they were fearful I would never look at them. The first allowed that to pin him down. He was so insecure, so fearful that I was going to go astray - and comparatively speaking, I had much more going for me than he did - that he eventually allowed it to poison him and our entire relationship. He started throwing out wild cheating accusations simply because I didn't answer his 10 phone calls in a row. To this day, I'm sure he believes that I left him because I was cheating with my gay best friend. Which is where the 'leagues' thing comes into play - if she's into you, or if you're getting any attention at all, odds are good you're in the same 'league' or at least similar ones. And after you snag a girl you think is much better-looking than you or something like that, don't allow it to poison you. She chose you. If she wanted to be with somebody else, she would be.
Darren Taylor Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Which is where the 'leagues' thing comes into play - if she's into you, or if you're getting any attention at all, odds are good you're in the same 'league' or at least similar ones. Most of the time, I'd say it's true. Granted there are exceptions, but most couples are pretty close in terms of looks/attractiveness. The key is determining where you fit. If you're an average looking guy with an average salary, average personality, and average status, I think it's safe to say the Megan Fox look alike isn't in your league.
Darren Taylor Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 So how much should I pay the Megan Fox look alike prostitute then? I don't know, but you might have to pay an extra fee if you swap your credit card through her ass crack.
molimo140 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Do leagues exist? Sort of. People who believe that leagues exist are usually the ones who either think they are better than someone else or think that they aren't good enough for someone else. In either case I think it's an entirely wrong way of thinking. If two people like each other.. nothing else should matter.
Recommended Posts