MissGuided Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Hi all. I am new here. but I want to tell my story as I have been blindsided in the worst way! I am deepy shocked and think somehow just typing it out may help in some way.... So I met someone some time ago, we were just friends we were both married and having problems`in our marriages and on the verge of leaving our marriages (my problems were my husband was an alcoholic, his was that his wife was cheating) Anyway, we leaned on each other for support and one thing led to another. I had moved out at this stage and he was moving out also, i said (stupidly and far too quickly) he could stay with me and my 3 year old daughter (i know i know) til he got something figured out. That was 10 months ago. Anyway we fell deeply in love and I really felt like he was the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a lot going against us....we had to live in secret becasue we didnt want either of our spouses to know until both our divorces were final, his wife was relentless sometimes in pursuing him to come back to her, there was some serioulsy questionable things she did that make me think she had some form of Borderline Personality Disorder. Also during this time, my husband developed cirrhosis and nearly died. so we have dealt with alot but as he said 'baby we will get thru everything' But he was weak when it came to her, he let her manipulate him so much, she wud call and he wud let her stay on the phone crying for ages and honestly it would drive me mad. I suppose you would say he is quite submissive and whilst I tried to bring that out of him and make him more of man, she expolited that part of him and she definitley immascualted him. He realized this and said he was never going back to her, he was so glad he met me, he was never as happy as this etc etc. So i go to my hometown to visit family and while I am there he says she turned up at his work, with messages from me on facebook (she hacked into his account??) and 3 copies of lie detector tests saying she didnt cheat. and i said so are you going back to her? and he sad yes i think i am. I was knocked for six! totally devestated. I get home and all his things are gone, he has moved in with her, they live in the same neighborhood as me too he wouldnt even come to my apartment to give me my keys back because 'she wouldnt let him' he came to my friends house to drop them off and she was with him! ugh! spineless coward he is! I am so hurt and angry, he couldnt say goodbye to me properly or say goodbye to my daughter who adored him and who he claimed to love (i feel incredibly guilty about that now) All he can say is he is very sorry and just feels like he had to give his mariage another shot that he feels he owes it to her and himself. I said how could you have such a change of heart in a matter of HOURS!!! But he cannot offer me any explanation. said he never lied to me, he wasnt even thinking asbout going back to her, something just triggered in him. god knows what she said to him, she already threatened suicide a number of times.... And I am just paralyzed with grief and heart ache and just cant believe he did this to me. And I am so sad at the loss of him, or the person i thought he was anyway. And I understand that he wanted to give it another chance with her (although I did not see that coming at all!), but its the way he did it and the way he treated me afterwards that is so heartbreaking. Its only been a week since he dropped this bombshell so it is still raw but i feel like i will never ever get over it
Author MissGuided Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 Thank you for that. But I just dont understand why he can forget about all the indisputable evidence such as the emails he read, the conversation he heard - when he came home from a trip early this guy was in the apartment and she had the chain on the door! Shes a master manipulator so of course she was going to pass the tests - she swears up and down she didnt do anything - she really believes it herself. anyway, that doesnt matter now, that is the anger coming out in me.... shes just a woman trying to get her man back and i understand that. but i am so hurt at the cowardly way he did this. he told me it wasnt just what she did but the way she is, so judgemental and no fun and blah blah was it all lies? i feel such a fool. he had filed for divorce, I really thought he was a free agent as far as i was concerned. I guess not, he was not emotionally equipped to deal with it. and really turned out to be such a coward, it really breaks my heart
love is dangerous Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 you were rebound sorry to say, he still loved her . if he had broken up with her cause he didnt love her no more would have been different but it was because he though she cheated but he still loved her. if his in love still he will believe what he wants to believe even if the facts are staring him in the face. im so sorry you have to go through this. start no contact and focus on your daughter best thing to do .
Recommended Posts