Elisa89 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I've been seeing this guy for almost a month now. But I'm still not absolutely comfortable around him. There certainly are doubts running through my mind up to the point where I freak out when he doesn't call when he says he will. I make up horrendous stories in my mind that he doesn't like me, just to be proven wrong when he calls a couple of hours later, apologizing that he couldn't make it earlier. I've been trying to figure out why I'm this insecure concerning this relationship, and there's two things that came to my mind: 1. One of his best friends and I were heavily flirting before I started dating this guy. But his best friend is a player, everybody knows that and a one night stand definitely wasn't what I was looking for, so there was nothing than flirting and some long talks. Anyway, my current guy actually started giving me hints that he liked me when I was still flirting with his friend. During spring break he visited me at my parent's house for a day. We started to get to know each other and I started to like him. Now that we are back in our college town, we have started dating but everything started out very slowly. Anyways, one day at our cafeteria I was sitting with a friend, my current guy came over to talk to me about meeting up later that day while the player friend was sitting across the room watching us. My current guy then left and talked to his friend. That night the player friend called me and asked me if he could come over and that he missed me. I said no. But since then there's some fear deep inside of me that these guys are just playing a game with me(like if at least one of them can have me). Though my current guy has giving me absolutely no reason to think so, other than that he is avoiding to ever talk about his player friend when I'm around. 2. We kiss, we hug, we hold hands, we cuddle but we do not french kiss. I tried once but he didn't actually respond to it. It's weird because he usually is the one to initiate anything physical. I like the guy a lot but I unsure what I should do now. Any advice??? I'm sorry this turned out to be so long...
unstuck Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 My advice is to not date anyone untill you get a grip on your insecurity issues. I'm sure thats not the advice your looking for but if your making up negative scenarios in your head and analyzing things this deep and this early in the relationship you have bigger things to worry about.
Author Elisa89 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 My advice is to not date anyone untill you get a grip on your insecurity issues. I'm sure thats not the advice your looking for but if your making up negative scenarios in your head and analyzing things this deep and this early in the relationship you have bigger things to worry about. Yeah sure, I know I have my issues to work on. But I already am in a relationship with this guy, it's not been long but it's still something. And it's definitely more than in a situation where I could just walk away now. I'm feeling good when I'm with him. He's super sweet. I just sometimes freak out: either when he's not contacting me for awhile but also when he's contacting overproportionally many times a day. I also freak when we meet up but he's a couple of minutes late. Actually I know this type of behaviour from myself in any type of relationship I'm in: my friends(even my best friend), my family.
AstroZombie138 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Yeah sure, I know I have my issues to work on. But I already am in a relationship with this guy, it's not been long but it's still something. And it's definitely more than in a situation where I could just walk away now. I'm feeling good when I'm with him. He's super sweet. I just sometimes freak out: either when he's not contacting me for awhile but also when he's contacting overproportionally many times a day. I also freak when we meet up but he's a couple of minutes late. Actually I know this type of behaviour from myself in any type of relationship I'm in: my friends(even my best friend), my family. I sometimes come up with hypothetical worse-case scenarios in dating and relationships but I'm just cynical and neurotic by nature. I know myself well enough to just laugh at my foolishness and move on. I sense that you're also quite the neurotic but if you let these insecurities drive you to action then it becomes a real problem. Humor is a good way to deal with this type of thing especially when you get a grasp of your own ridiculous thinking.
Author Elisa89 Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 I sometimes come up with hypothetical worse-case scenarios in dating and relationships but I'm just cynical and neurotic by nature. I know myself well enough to just laugh at my foolishness and move on. I sense that you're also quite the neurotic but if you let these insecurities drive you to action then it becomes a real problem. Most of the times I just do nothing and wait for him to call. Sometimes I can't resist sending him a text but never more than three a day and only more than one if he actually replies. Do you think that's ok?
Kelemort Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 You're only a month into this, so of course you're nervous, fretting, insecure - it's not a stable relationship yet, you're still getting to know each other and all of that adrenaline is no doubt making your thoughts scatter this way and that. If this continues over the next few months, it could be a concern. For now, have a sense of humor about it and try not to take it so seriously. It's just for fun.
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