ALombard Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 DISCLAIMER. This will be a very long post. I hope you can read my story and try to understand and take something away from it to help you. Well I will be the first to admit that it has been a while since I was last on here. I haven't actually logged onto this site since October of last year and here's why. If anyone here has been a member for a while MIGHT remember my story. A quick run down for those you who don't know. I've had an off and on girlfriend for the last five years. It became a habit for her to break up with me and run to another guy literally within days sometimes hours after we broke up. Each time we broke up it was always the same reasons, I wasn't respectful enough, I talked down to her too much, I don't show her enough love. She would always pull out the same excuses how the break up was always MY fault. Anyway, around the same time last year after being back together for close to a year she dumps me again. Like before I was devastated but I hoped that she would at least be honest with me about the break up. So once again, this was the third time we had broken up by the way, I ask her during the "break up conversation" if she was just leaving me or if it was once again because of another guy. She promises me that there is no other guy. We break up and three days later she tells me that she lied to me and she nows has a new boyfriend. I lost it and probably like most people on here I tried to cope by drinking, going out, doing random hook ups, talking to friends and family, crying, and posting on here...A LOT. For the first few months I would text her drunk telling her how I miss her and finally she told me to stop talking to her so I did. I had to, I had to save myself. A few months after not talking she calls me telling me how she had found Christ (I'm a practicing Christian) and how she misses me. So we start hanging, mind you she is still with her boyfriend at this time. But yeah we start hanging out almost every single day and talking constantly. Her boyfriend finds out and after 6 months of being not with her we start working on our relationship again. It's October at this time. For the first few months things were amazing, like they always are. We are having a great time with eachother and I'm on the moon. As things progressed I once again started looking at a future with her. We talk out our issues and agree that it is time to leave our past in our past and use this opportunity to really start fresh with eachother. Now this is how things ended... ...First and foremost I never really had any issues with her. The fact that she was very emotional, very moody at times, and very flirty I could always deal with. I trusted her. The only thing that bugged me was her general lack of drive in her life. She has NO job, she goes to school but only for eight hours a week and even then she doesn't go all time and fails her classes constantly. Now the only thing I ever asked of her were simple things, get a job, focus more on school, stop drinking so much, etc. I felt like I was dating a child again. She started getting very defensive to what I was saying after a while because after the constant hassling it started to take a toll on my outlook of her. I just couldn't make sense of how the "love of my life" the girl I wanted to be with for the rest of my life could be just so general uninterested in growing up and focusing on her future like I was on mine. She would rather go out drinking and party with her friends then look for a job. I would come home from work constantly to her sitting in her pj's still, playing games on her laptop, and drinking a beer. This of course bugged the crap out of me and it showed. I started withdrawing from her out of anger. So you take those factors and couple it with the fact that my two roommates despised her seeing as she was at the house all the time but did nothing to really show them she was trying to contribute. I was constantly fighting with other people to make sure that she didn't feel uncomfortable or get hurt. Once again, stress started to build in the relationship and we started to fight constantly over small things. We couldn't do anything in our day without fighting. So here we are now, as of Saturday I am once again single. For the fourth time she left me. Once again it was deja vu. I find out two day after our break up that she is seeing some else already. She once again lied to me and played me. Now I could be really angry at her but it's my fault for going back to her expecting different results. Am I hurt, yes. Do I find myself missing her, yes. It's natural, if break ups were easy they wouldn't have sites like this. I will be the first to admit that this time I can say the break up is at least a little easier seeing how our fights were based off my anger towards her general lack of maturity. I figure if she wants to leave me for a loser and if she's okay with leaching off her almost broke parents and just be a loser herself then fine, she's saving me from the stress of trying to balance my career, my social life, and her. But yeah back to the point. So I am posting this story here in the Coping section because I believe it can help those of you struggling to figure out what to do. I have been there but seeing as I feel much stronger this time around I know what works and what doesn't. First thing I will say is this. DO NOT GO BACK TO THEM! In fact do not even get emotionally involved with them again. I know that hearing from your ex after a few weeks or months after a break up is an amazing feeling. You waited for them to call you and now it's happening. Well guess what you're judgement is clouded. Remember one thing you two broke up for a reason, it wasn't working out. Now most of the time when a long term relationship crumbles and ends it's very hard to work things out because you and your S/O will still harbor pain and anger from the first time you guys seperated. So it's better just to leave them alone, you've been doing it for the last few months and guess what you're not dead. A few things I used to be told on here were not to go back to my ex because she was toxic for me. Also that it is very hard to fix a broken relationship. I should've listened because instead of going through it again I could probably be with someone right now who is RIGHT for me. Listen to what the people on here say. When your ex starts contacting you just stay away and if you haven't already have...move on. Find things to keep you occupied and to strengthen who you are. Go to church, focus on work, get in touch with old friends. DON'T go out and drink and play yourself. That person you were with isn't worth the hurt believe me. Keep fighting the good fight and realize that there IS someone else out there who will treat you better than your ex ever could. I just say this because I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through for the last three years. If I had listened and stayed away I'd be much happier, probably with someone else. "Once you feel the weight of glory all your pain will fade to memory"
LifeIsGreat Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Great story. Some people are just "broken" and trying to fix them will do nothing but cause pain. I have also seen that a break-up can cause bad feelings and damage that getting back together is almost impossible.
DollyGirl12 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I feel for you. And no, you cannot allow her back in to your life. You sound like a pretty smart guy and she just moves around taking advantage of those the LET HER. You can be one of those people or you can realize that you deserve better. One thing I have always found to be true is that if our good friends see the red flags, don't care for someone, there is usually a very good reason. People who care about us don't like seeing us taken advantage of and being stomped on. You deserve better!
0hpenelope Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Sorry for your pain, brother. Not all reconciliations end in pain though, and unfortunately, yours did. Stay strong.
pd8mxq Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 well. Good posts, but your situation is that you were on off with her for 3 or 4 times. Shouldnt you be out for good after the 2nd time? I do want to know about people's view on getting back. Many of the dumpees will want to get back with the ex but is it really that bad to get back?
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