Confusedlove1 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 'Ello all, Here is a question that seems to get a lot of attention both in real life and on the forums. Is a break really ever just a break? Or is it necessarily a segue to a breakup? I know there is no right answer and it depends on the situation and person, but nevertheless this question seems to polarize people one way or the other. So, I am interested to hear your opinions and stories! Excited to hear perspectives! Thanks!
PegNosePete Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I am of the opinion that, if a "break" is necessary, you aren't right for each other. So you might as well just break up for good and quit beating a dead horse.
Graceful Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Good morning, confusedlove, and I hope you are well. There is no right (or wrong) answer to this question, it's based strictly on opinion and perception, and of course, on the individual situation (as in the details). Nothing magical happens during a break. No fairy dust gets sprinkled over the problems to solve them and make them go away. Time passes. That's just about all that happens. Sometimes feelings get even more confusing because all that happens is the two people miss each other and forget about the problems that caused the break. So my take? Depends (ha ha, that's not what you want to hear, I know). But this is what it depends on: what brought the couple to the break in the first place; if trust has been broken and needs to be restored; how strong the relationship was in the first place; how much effort the couple is willing to put in to correct what was "wrong" and "change" what needs to be changed to make things work, etc., etc. In other words, "breaks" don't "fix" themselves. If you broke a bone, you'd have to set the bone, wait for it to heal, see a dr., perhaps get physical therapy afterwards, etc. And give it time to fully heal. Well, relationships that have been "broken" have to heal too, and the way I've see it happen, is just b/c two people have missed each other during a break, does not solve the problem that led to the break in the first place. So that's practically a sure fire way to see it break down again. See what I mean? So if you and your ex really want to go forward, you have to go backwards first. You have to honestly assess what caused the break and what needs to change. Then keep you eye on things, and speak up if you see the same thing(s) happening again. Sometimes you're just not compatible; sometimes someone or both people just don't communicate well enough; sometimes one person puts effort in, the other doesn't. And sometimes, during a break, a break can backfire on the person who asked for it. The other person, the "breakee" decides that they don't want the relationship after all. Not worth it. There is peace during the break. There is pain, too, but it's just not worth it to have to "work" on a relationship. So the breaker upper comes back, and to their surprise, they've deep sixed the relationship by default. Happens. 'Ello all, Here is a question that seems to get a lot of attention both in real life and on the forums. Is a break really ever just a break? Or is it necessarily a segue to a breakup? I know there is no right answer and it depends on the situation and person, but nevertheless this question seems to polarize people one way or the other. So, I am interested to hear your opinions and stories! Excited to hear perspectives! Thanks!
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