One lesson I learned that I'd like to share with you all:

[shocked_confused]

Read between the lines and TRUST YOUR GUT when you see the signs!! wow that rhymed, didn't even intend on doing that!

 

Anyway, I dated my ex for 5.5 years and he broke up with me 5 months ago. There were subtle signs early into the relationship that i chose to ignore. I called myself paranoid at the time. I meant to post this months ago, but forgot.

 

So the big sign was that he was NEVER happy with what he had, always had something to complain about, always wanted something newer and better. This was mostly with material things. I noticed this trait about 1-2 years into our relationship. His whole family is the same way. And I remember thinking at the time "Gee, I wonder if one day he's going to be tired of me and want someone newer and better". I shrugged this feeling off and our relationship went on for another 3.5 years.

 

Guess what, he did exactlyyyy what I thought he might do. At age 24, he got his dream job, moved far away and about 3 weeks later broke up with me claiming "how predictable our relationship was, wants to see what else was out there, and wants to start a new chapter in his life without me". I know he doesn't have a gf right now, but he's been dating lots, trying to find someone newer and better. He'll never be happy.

 

So there ya have it. Lesson Learned: Trust my gut from now on, because I was right. Sure, I read between the lines, but I chose not to act on it and look what happened. I should have dumped his ass years ago. I could have been long over him.

 

So don't make the same mistakes, trust your intuition!! I know I will in future relationships.

[orangelady]

Thanks. I hear ya. Appreciate it. I also want to add that never date depressed guys because they ALSO will NEVER be happy no matter how good you are to them. Take it from MUA experience!!

[Perplexed81]

You really hit home with the complaining and NEVER being happy with what they have..except my ex wasn't complaining about material things.

 

I've never experienced a relationship before HER with a worry wart and I put this MILDLY! She constantly was worrying, like if we didn't have 10 mil in savings for when the world was comming to an end. Seriously I mean she would constantly worry about EVERYTHING.

 

Back to your topic though, I'm not gonna lie, when I got with her, I was just looking to hit it for a few weeks then make my way out. I'm being completely honest here, those were my intentions. Infact, I had been single for over 3 years before her by choice and I didn't feel love for her during the first year. I stayed becuase she kinda brainwashed me, I mean, she was sooo good at the beginning it was kinda hard to let go.

 

We had it MADE as far as good living, we had a house out in the country, 2 brand new cars, 2 great kiddos, not too much drama, had a close knit group of friends. No partying or getting crazy or baby momma drama or anything like that, it was pretty much the best setup you could dream up and yet she would ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS find something to be upset about.

 

She was like a robot and I TOLD HER THIS, she had NO EMOTION whatsoever as far as lovey dovey or sweet or anything, her only emotion that was known was anger and sadness. If things were looking good, she was find something to complain about or be a smartass about everything until some drama came about.

 

Anyways, my 2 cents.

[Mcnulty]

Orangelady...you are entitled to your opinions, but I am offended by your sweeping generalization.

 

"never date depressed guys because they ALSO will NEVER be happy no matter how good you are to them"

 

I've been depressed on and off for years, but am a giving, intelligent human being...does this mean I should be on my own as I have had depressive episodes in the past??? Should women steer clear of me then? I'm a bloody good catch and I know it...depression or not...my illness has helped me gain more empathy, understanding and patience...

 

Utter bollocks!!

[Popondetta]

I couldn't agree more!

 

I also chose to ingore signs in my relationship with my ex.

(See my previous threads for more info). He was never happy with anything in his life (not so much material stuff but everything else).

Like perplexed81's ex my ex was hardly showing any signs of emotions except being annoyed, frustrated and irritable (not so much towards me in the beginning, but more and more as the relationship "progressed"). He was constantly complainin about work, society, friends, everything that was so unfair towards him, and he NEVER did anything about these things (I was just being supportive all along forgetting my own needs and trying to fix his life instead, by helping him find job-ads, giving advice etc).

 

He has commitment issues and that's the reason why he broke up with me. People with commitment issues will often be on the lookout for someone "better" and will be destructive in relationships.

I also agree with orangelady: I think my ex was depressed as well. Not heavily depressed but just feeling down alot of the time and self-medicating through smoking pot. I hope I will never, ever again meet someone who lacks emotions, who are depressed, and I hope I recognize the signs of a commitment phobic next time I meet one (I hope I NEVER meet one again), cause they hurt so many people on their quest for whatever/whoever will fix them and make them happy.

They don't realize that they have to be happy with themselves and not thinking that some perfect person will come along and bring them eternal happiness.

[Am4Real]

Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

We all have gut feelings...it takes near a lifetime to sort out those that are good for us from ones that are just concerns about nothing. You may have hit it right this time or you may be trying to justify what you feared would the THE END one day no matter what. Be careful with those gut feelings, especially when they are formed at your early years -- they can cloud what might a real keeper next time around.

[neghitzbrah]

Be careful with those gut feelings, especially when they are formed at your early years -- they can cloud what might a real keeper next time around.

 

I agree with Am4Real. You don't just act on your gut. You talk about it with your SO before you do anything. However, in your case OP, there was no way in talking with your ex because he didn't even know what he wanted. I, too, have been that way. In the last 6 months, my *gut* said to get out of the relationship and date other women, as I have never been in a relationship longer than 2 weeks before her. I dealt with it for those 6 months and we talked about it. We continued to drift further apart and continue fighting.

[1784]

This is a hard lesson learned for anyone who either gets dumped or does the dumping. As we all know, "Hindsight is 20/20". God I hate cliches but sometimes they are so true. When I first started dating my ex I saw a multitude of what we all call "red flags". What did I do? I chose to ignore them. That little voice inside of me (aka your gut, your conscience, etc) was screaming for me to pay attention. I had just started dating her, though. No harm, no foul. These ref flags really weren't hurting me at all. Plus, I was having fun getting to know her. There was no commitment yet. So I shoved that little voice down, deep inside me. Go away, little voice. Who needs you anyway? Don't you see I'm trying to get laid?!?

 

Fast forward 3+ years and all of those red flags came to fruition. The little voice came out from hiding, looked at me and just shook his head. he didn't even bother to say "I told you so" because he knew that I knew. How? Because that little voice IS me.

 

Always be true to yourself. Always listen to yourself. You DO know better.

[shocked_confused]

Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

We all have gut feelings...it takes near a lifetime to sort out those that are good for us from ones that are just concerns about nothing. You may have hit it right this time or you may be trying to justify what you feared would the THE END one day no matter what. Be careful with those gut feelings, especially when they are formed at your early years -- they can cloud what might a real keeper next time around.

 

Yea I get what you mean. I sometimes fear that I'm going to go into my next relationship not completely trusting the guy because of what happened with my ex. I'll definitely have to work on not letting paranoia cloud my judgement of the guy, it wouldn't be fair.

 

I do think I hit it right with my ex, the signs were all there but I didn't want to believe it.

[Am4Real]

 

I do think I hit it right with my ex, the signs were all there but I didn't want to believe it.

 

Exactly!!!