bdash Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Story goes as follows: I met a girl at the start of the year at a college club/organization which I attend. She was in a relationship until January, and during this time we became casual friends. After about a month of being single she asked me out; since I had started seeing someone else, I turned her down (I didn't mention that I was seeing anyone). Since then we have grown to be pretty good friends and we spend most of out time at the club talking with each other, even though there are plenty of other friends we could talk to. Lately we have been hanging out alone on Friday nights, mostly watching movies at my dorm. We have been talking via text as well, and are quite friendly. Last weekend I asked her to see Source Code with me on Sunday and was told no, but maybe another time. I have seen her since and nothing about her attitude/talkativeness towards me has changed. I asked friends for advice and was told that she might have turned me down because she was disappointed that I didn't ask her for a Fri/Sat movie instead and that I ought to try again. This struck me as a bit ridiculous, and probably wrong. Any thoughts on whether she is interested, or advice on when in a friendship to ask a girl out would be great (yes, I am clueless). Thanks! Oh, this is my first post here so any pointers specific to posting are also welcome!
thatdog Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 So hang on. Are you still seeing this other girl? In which case I would suggest either ending that thing first or backing off from this girl since you obviously like her and it's just going to cause a world of trouble for everyone involved. That said. Re: declining the movie. It is possible she said no because you already shot her down. Lot's of guys on here bemoan the 'tampon effect' of being stuck in the friendzone with girls they really like and hating the way they are treated. It's rarer but the same happens to girls too. If you really like someone and they make it clear that they aren't interested in you then it's easy to become resentful if they start acting in any way though could be considered similar to a relationship. As awkward as it sounds I think if you are single now and want to pursue something you need to be up front with this girl and tell her you are keen and probably also why you said no to her the first time. IMO she should hopefully appreciate the fact that you have a solid moral compass. This happened to me once with the roles reversed. I asked the girl out she said no (also cos she was seeing someone) then a while later she started suggesting date type things and spending lots of time alone with me. I got annoyed that to me she seemed to have shot me down for a relationship but wanted to use me as a 'back up bf', so I backed off from the friendship to stopmyself from getting hurt any more.
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