crayolachalk Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Hey everyone, Hope you can bear with my long story and help me out! Alright... so I'm a 22 year old guy. I was in a 7 and a half year relationship up until about 2 months ago which I think I finally let go of about 2 weeks ago. It was on the decline for over a year so I personally feel it's perfectly fine to try and head back into the dating game right away. My dating skills are very rusty/undeveloped since I haven't tried to use them in over 7 years and I was only 15 last time I used them haha. This weekend, I got a call from a friend who was in town from school. She's a great friend and she's absolutely beautiful. 4 problems though: -She's a friend of not only me, but my ex. -She dated my former friend about 5 years ago for about 2 years. (Ended TERRIBLY so that's not a big problem) -My friend tried to date her about 6 months ago but was turned down -What I did after the 2nd night We've always had a good friendship ever since we met. We met up with some friends on Friday but she left earlier and my friends and I decided we'd split too. So I get home and she texts me telling me she's bored so I suggest we go to a bar. We do that and we start talking about what happened with my relationship and she asks me what kind of girls I'm into and stuff (along with what I perceived to be a suggesting hint that she was interested in me as more than just a friend). I asked her what kind of guys she's into and she kept emphasizing confidence. Anyway, great time! All went really well. We went to her place and had some ice cream and watched movies. We both laid on her bed but not together. (Was that a mistake? With how well the night went should I have suggested she come closer? I figured it's best to keep things slow). When I'm about to leave, we hug... pretty tightly lol NIGHT 2: So the night after that, we meet up with some other friends who right away were like "oh man, are you dating her?!" and one of their sisters was like "I'll get some girl-to-girl insight for ya" (oh boy, that's usually bad). We end up going to another bar and before long, the sister asks the girl if we're dating and she responds something along the lines of "oh, I can't!!! I couldn't do that to my best friend and I dont wanna cause problems between him and one of his close friends" (sister claims this is a good thing.. that she didn't say "wouldn't") One of my other friends overheard them and as he started to get more alcohol in him, he started pushing to topic which made things a little awkward at times I thought. Overall though, it may have helped? I don't know... at one point I came back from the bathroom and she just grabbed me and kissed me on the cheek (I kissed her in return lol), she called me "baby" at one point and she laid back into me when I was sitting behind her at the bar and I had my arms around her. I see this as a good thing! but my drunk friend kept pushing it and made it get to the point where she said "we're just best friends!" I don't know... actions speak louder than words, don't they?? When my friend dropped her off at home, I walked her to her door and apologized on behalf of my drunk friend but she said its nothing. We hugged (I swear it seemed like she stuck her cheek in for a kiss... but I didn't do it... ughhh!) and as we were hugging she said "lets not give them a show" We hugged for a few seconds and let go, I said good night and as she was closing the door she blew me a kiss... which I didn't really respond to (UGHHHH! Whats wrong with me?! I feel like it would've been good to pretend to catch it, stick it in my pocket and say I'll be keeping it with me... or is that extremely lame?) She's back at school now for the next few weeks but she said she'll call me when she comes back and that she was really glad she came to visit. So then I walked back to the car.. didn't look back or anything. I got home and sent what I think is the real problem. I sent her a message basically saying "I know I apologized for my friends behavior already but I just wanted to say I totally understand that anything between you and me is totally not my spot at this point in time and I don't wanna cause problems for you with any of your friends" or something like that. Never got a response to it. I think that was extremely stupid of me because I basically turned her down I think... I've texted her twice since then (once the day after bc she asked me to thank my friend for driving her home and today with a joke about her poking me on facebook) and I haven't received a response either time... but she continues to poke me on facebook. What's my next move? She wont be around for the next few weeks... do I just keep my distance and wait to see if she does call when she's back in town or do I try to talk to her once in a while so she doesn't think I actually rejected her? (because I definitely did not mean to!) I would be feeling so much better if I hadn't sent that message! I don't think everything was exactly perfect but I had a good vibe about everything until I realized what I may have done with that message. If she was considering me as more than a friend until that message and I ruined that, how, if at all possible, can I change it back so we can continue the path we were on this past weekend?
TheyCallMeBruce Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 If someone could invent an "untext" feature, he'd make a billion dollars. I feel for you, bro, but I think you're doing OK. She's full of it about being just friends.
Lilmisus Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Be careful. You don't want to ruin a great friendship between you and her, and you don't want to ruin other friendships between you and others, and her and others. You have to make sure it's definitely worth it before you try to progress anything with a friend. She honestly seems like just the flirty type who probably has had a crush on you for a while, and now that you're single, she feels no problem flirting with you. Listen to what she says though when she says that she can't date you. Since she hasn't responded back to your messages or anything like that, it sounds like she already is regretting what moves she was making on you, and you don't want either of you to regret anything that happens. If you have to, talk to her about it before anything progresses. Especially if she may have only been hoping for some fwb action that second night by making the moves on you. You have to be sure you're on the same page, before going any further at all.
Author crayolachalk Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 aww man haha. Thanks for the replies guys. I guess the best thing to do is just try to get my mind off of the whole thing and wait to see what she does when she's back in town. I'll have to play it by ear and proceed very slowly even if she keeps on acting the way she did this weekend. I'd certainly prefer a great friendship over a fun hookup!
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