Lilmisus Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I've been wondering about this myself. There is a newish girl at work she started a couple of months ago, I just so happened to be working with her the day she started (not working in my usual area). So I showed her the ropes yada, yada whatever. After that I have been working in my regular area which is on the other side of the floor. This girl has been doing what I call drive-by's not far from what Jazzari was doing. Which I thought was really odd when I first noticed it, because she had to go well out of her way to come over to my side of the floor, caught her looking at me a few times then she would quickly scurry off after she realised I noticed. I thought it was pretty silly but cute as well, didn't really think anything else of it. Last few weeks she has become more aggressive in actually coming and talking to me for the most ridiculous reasons (once again cute but really silly). She's seems to be quite flustered and laughs at pretty much everything I say (even when I know its not funny). Around other people shes fine, me totally weird. One of my other colleagues who I've been working with for about 2 years started asking me if I was single yada yada etc. She suggested that I should add this other girl on facebook because shes single *cough*. Anyway I ignored that, few days ago this girl added me on facebook. Reason I haven't asked her out is because: A) I don't like the idea of dating someone I work with. B) Not sure if shes actually single (shes told other guys at work shes seeing someone, and shot them down). C) Not the usual type I go after (shes sort of a party girl). Personally, I say go for it. Mainly because you guys don't seem to really work together, just at the same place. That way, if things don't turn out as well as you'd hope, you don't have to see her all the time. Plus, even when you are dating..you still don't have to see her all the time. Plus, if you've heard that she's single from a mutual friend that is encouraging you to make some moves..she's single. And she want's you to ask her out. She just didn't want to go out with the others. (I've had friends pull that move for me in the past..) In case you couldn't realize that on your own
TheLoneSock Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Women only put out when it comes to men they realize they can't secure without giving a little something something. Lol, this is bull. Women like sex just as much, if not more than men. Women put out because they want to.
rocketboy9 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 The perfect relationship for a woman is where she gets a man invested in her, monopolizes his attention, and controls his resources while not paying for it with any sexual involvement. Women only put out when it comes to men they realize they can't secure without giving a little something something. You need to NC her permanently. She is jerking you around for her benefit alone. I am afraid you are describing whats happening. The more I am around her the more invested I become in her. Than what? On top of this she is freaking stalking me and keeping tabs on where I am. If you are not interested please stop cyber & physical stalking me.
rocketboy9 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 It's possible that she's in love with someone else, but that guy will not give nurture her emotionally. So for sexual attraction she attracted to him, but for emotional attraction she's attracted to you. This is probable. She admitted she likes bad boys & body builders but has not had much luck with them. I am athletic but am a brainiac. I am an engineer and used to be researcher at a fairly prestigious laboratory. Very different than what she is used too. But the stalking thing needs to stop. She send cute little txts and emails that are disruptive that I always end up replying too. Than when I am somewhere she is there and than proceeds to be in the vicinity and WATCHES ME.
TheyCallMeBruce Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I remember when I was in college, there was a girl I was very into. I tried to get with her several times, and she always shot me down. But then she always gave me a ration of **** if I were with another girl. I remember bringing another girl to a party several months after the last time I'd tried to pursue her, and she literally confronted me and said "You wanted a jealous girlfriend? Well you got it." It was incredibly weird.
SmileFace Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 So as long as the consent comes at some point then everything is as kosher as a Hebrew National? Well consent should come first.So yes I guess it is as Kosher as a Hebrew National.
TheLoneSock Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I remember when I was in college, there was a girl I was very into. I tried to get with her several times, and she always shot me down. But then she always gave me a ration of **** if I were with another girl. I remember bringing another girl to a party several months after the last time I'd tried to pursue her, and she literally confronted me and said "You wanted a jealous girlfriend? Well you got it." It was incredibly weird. Lol, wow. Unreal.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 But the stalking thing needs to stop. She send cute little txts and emails that are disruptive that I always end up replying too. Here's part of your problem. If you stop responding then she will text you like nuts for a couple weeks or so then give up. You are sending a mixed message otherwise. Or you could make life easy and just let her know that you think it is weird and please stop. I remember when I was in college, there was a girl I was very into. I tried to get with her several times, and she always shot me down. But then she always gave me a ration of **** if I were with another girl. I remember bringing another girl to a party several months after the last time I'd tried to pursue her, and she literally confronted me and said "You wanted a jealous girlfriend? Well you got it." It was incredibly weird. That is really weird. Lol, this is bull. Women like sex just as much, if not more than men. Women put out because they want to. True enough. I have no idea why we are treated as if sex is purely a strange form of trade and currency. There is only one type of woman that does that. Women are men with vaginas. Keep telling yourself that and maybe eventually if you are really good your dream will come true. Workplace romances are not worth the risk. Period. Oddly enough the word "woman" comes from "man with a womb." So you aren't far off.
alethean Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Yes, I did stalk a guy once, my freshman or sophomore year of college. I thought I was being super clever, but I was really being super creepy. What I had done was look his campus address up on the school directory, and leave what I had thought was a sweet note at his place. Um, no. It wasn't sweet, it was desperate. And dude must have been able to smell my desperation, because he stopped responding to my texts. The whole scenario was a classic case of "he's just not that into you," and I can't believe I fell for that. But never again. One incidence of psychosis is enough for me.
Hules Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 If you plan on getting into anything more long term relationship wise then you need to overcome this fear and start becoming use to the idea of sht eating. When it comes to office romances, it is time to take the training wheels off. iirc one study I read said more relationships come out of the workplace than any other arrangement. As I said, this is new to me in more than one way. At least I'm trying new things saiz a lot more than most of the people who come here. I'm not going to run my life based on the results of one study. I'll do whats right for me. Don't ask her unless you are willing to go all the way no matter what that might entail. If you open that door then you won't be able to close it. By asking you are indicating interest in her no matter if she wants something more permanent or temporary. Pulling out after the fact because you don't like the exact wording of the terms will leave a bad taste in all involved parties' mouths. You need to not be so damn inflexible. There is no crystal ball that will tell you where the road will wind even if it starts in ONS. Have to disagree here. I wouldn't say I'm been inflexible, I have personal standards. I have been in ONS situations in the past I did not enjoy it at all, so why the hell would I keep doing it? Having sex with a near stranger is about as fun as watching paint dry to me. I'll ask her out and if she isn't offering what I want then too ****ing bad. Just like she has the right to walk away if shes just after some quick cock.... I'm sure their is plenty of guys willing to oblige if thats what shes after.
Hules Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 You say you won't live by a study and will independently do what you consider is best for you yet you measure your life by the subpar standard set by LS members. Do you see the contradiction in that yet? I don't measure my life by people here. I don't live my life by single studies either. I do whats right for me, whats wrong with that? Nothing. If a study told people they are more likely to get into a relationship by jumping off cliffs would you do it? I take everything with a grain of salt. I think you aren't ready for a girl like her. You should ignore her or set her straight by turning her down. Go over to AVEN and find someone more appropriate. Please get off your dam high horse. Just because I don't feel the desire to drop my dacks and **** everything that moves doesn't mean I'm Asexual you know nothing about me. I didn't realise it was a crime to want to get to know someone before having sex with them. Or are you trying to impose outdated stereotypes of men onto me?
NicoleM Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I have checked their FB profile and I used to check their dating profile until I realized oops they can see you visited them doh!
Lilmisus Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I have checked their FB profile and I used to check their dating profile until I realized oops they can see you visited them doh! That's when you become invisible Or do the absolutely creepy thing and create a new, fake account for nothing more than stalking!
Hules Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) It is dishonest to approach a woman like a party girl who will be highly sexual when you have no libido. You can't give her what she needs. She doesn't know that yet. She is crushing on the very little she knows of you. Even if you tell her your situation she won't really hear or comprehend the words. That's what happens when one is smitten. One gets a terrible case of selective hearing. We already have threads on here of women trying to cope and failing with asexual bfs when the two should have never gotten together or called it off long ago. Let's be clear here I haven't approached her at all, she has been doing everything so far. I honestly don't know her that well but from what I can tell she is an extrovert, enjoys going out to parties drinking etc. Myself I would describe as a introvert with extrovert tendencies (in that I enjoy talking been friendly with people, but I'm more than happy been on my own). I honestly don't know what she want's from me, so how is wrong to find out if not for my own piece of mind? I would think it would be more mature to talk about these things than continue playing, flirtsy with her? Also if all she is after is sex, not sure why shes crushing on me. I'm not the sort to hand out free compliments like 99% of the guys I work with are fawning all over her. I just talk to her like any other person, though she has been flirty with me I haven't really reciprocated that much. Maybe I am Asexual in the regard I very rarely feel sexual attraction to someone right off the bat (no pun intended ). Once I get to know someone thats usually very different. I can find people physically attractive, but feel no sexual attraction. I'm attracted to people's personalities, if I like their personality then sexual attraction comes after. If thats the definition of been Asexual then thats what I am. Thats why I don't enjoy things like ONS and flings. Edited April 28, 2011 by Hules
musemaj11 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 There is a fine line between being a stalker and being a romantic.
Hules Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Sure open up Pandora's box and see what flies out for kicks. I don't know why I am trying to talk sense to you. I relish in others ruining themselves through their own incompetence and creating havok in another's life. I am a misanthrope and that's how we roll. I got caught up in all of this helping I forgot to be true to myself. Incompetence, creating havok in someone else's life? You make it sound like I'm playing with a tactical nuke by talking to this girl! So I'm trying to understand a situation better by leaning the facts and I'm incompetent? Which would be crueler letting her silly crush continue, if she is indeed only interested in sex. Or finding out what she wants and I don't know discuss it like adults?
thatdog Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 True enough. I have no idea why we are treated as if sex is purely a strange form of trade and currency. There is only one type of woman that does that. Cos sadly that's what our culture still seems to imply. I have had multiple female friends and gfs tell me that they often feel like they have to conform to expectations for sex, and feel like it is used as currency in the relationship even when they want to have it. I've been told by a few that 'valentinesday/anniversary/birthday' sex is the worst. Even if they love their guy and love sex those day they expect their man to treat them nice and get them presents and they feel in return they have to 'pay' for the romance with sex and therefore never enjoy it.
musemaj11 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) Even if they love their guy and love sex those day they expect their man to treat them nice and get them presents and they feel in return they have to 'pay' for the romance with sex and therefore never enjoy it. Why do those women expect anniversary's and Valentine's days to be all about the women in the first place? What if their men say similar things that on those days they expect to get sex without having to give their women presents? Its a fact that women view romance as a man giving and a woman taking. Otherwise its not romance ,,, Edited April 28, 2011 by musemaj11
alethean Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Cos sadly that's what our culture still seems to imply. I have had multiple female friends and gfs tell me that they often feel like they have to conform to expectations for sex, and feel like it is used as currency in the relationship even when they want to have it. I've been told by a few that 'valentinesday/anniversary/birthday' sex is the worst. Even if they love their guy and love sex those day they expect their man to treat them nice and get them presents and they feel in return they have to 'pay' for the romance with sex and therefore never enjoy it. Why do those women expect anniversary's and Valentine's days to be all about the women in the first place? What if their men say similar things that on those days they expect to get sex without having to give their women presents? Its a fact that women view romance as a man giving and a woman taking. Otherwise its not romance ,,, This is why I hate Valentine's Day, I can't be bothered to remember anniversaries, and I often forget my own birthday. I also hate when people "expect" something like gifts and sex from another person; that spoils the fun in receiving.
tigressA Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I've stalked twice. Once was in high school--I had a hopeless love-hate crush on a guy who just hated me , and pretty much everyone knew we were "at war". What they didn't know was that starting in our junior year, when he got his own car, I would try to start walking home at the same time every day so I would catch his car passing by. I would even change my route every so often if I could tell he was going a different way. I did this all the way through our last year. Eventually he did accuse me of stalking him and he actually threatened to press charges, but there was no proof of anything more than mere coincidence. Another time was just last year. I traveled for an hour one-way to see a guy I had been on a couple of dates with. I walked around his university and sat on a bench outside the building I thought he would be working in for almost 5 HOURS, waiting for him to come out. I wanted it to be a surprise. I just gave up because it was really hot outside and getting late. We still talk sometimes and he has no clue I did that.
dispatch3d Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I find responding to the devil's advocate pretty funny. All he does is attempt to provide an alternate viewpoint to every argument. Why not look at things from multiple angles? Why push your own viewpoint so strongly?
irc333 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Interesting, if a man did this, she'd contact the authorities or take some kind of action against if she knew about his deal. I've stalked twice. Once was in high school--I had a hopeless love-hate crush on a guy who just hated me , and pretty much everyone knew we were "at war". What they didn't know was that starting in our junior year, when he got his own car, I would try to start walking home at the same time every day so I would catch his car passing by. I would even change my route every so often if I could tell he was going a different way. I did this all the way through our last year. Eventually he did accuse me of stalking him and he actually threatened to press charges, but there was no proof of anything more than mere coincidence. Another time was just last year. I traveled for an hour one-way to see a guy I had been on a couple of dates with. I walked around his university and sat on a bench outside the building I thought he would be working in for almost 5 HOURS, waiting for him to come out. I wanted it to be a surprise. I just gave up because it was really hot outside and getting late. We still talk sometimes and he has no clue I did that.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Yes, I did stalk a guy once, my freshman or sophomore year of college. I thought I was being super clever, but I was really being super creepy. What I had done was look his campus address up on the school directory, and leave what I had thought was a sweet note at his place. Um, no. It wasn't sweet, it was desperate. And dude must have been able to smell my desperation, because he stopped responding to my texts. The whole scenario was a classic case of "he's just not that into you," and I can't believe I fell for that. But never again. One incidence of psychosis is enough for me. Ahahahaha I did this in 8th grade. But I left the note in his band locker (with his clarinet lmao.) I was crazy, and he was kinda weirded out. The funny thing is I dated him my senior year of high school. But I guess if I hadn't been so stupid four years earlier we might hv gotten together sooner. I really don't understand guys who don't take advantage of such a situation unless the woman is horribly ugly or he could be placing himself in great jeopardy if he did. In a guy's entire life' date=' it will be very rare for a woman to be so into you that she idolizes you enough to stalk you. Typically the guys are into the girls more than the girls are ever into the guys.[/quote'] Too bad guys aren't like this...I wish.
SmileFace Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 In highschool I changed my class schedule ,several times, so that I can have the same class as this boy I liked.
Author mo mo Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 In 8th grade this girl used to sit with me in art class and do projects and she used to tease me a lot in Spanish class. She even got my phone number somehow and called my house. We never went out then (it was 8th grade, wtf??) but a few years later after college I saw her walking on my street and she gave me her number. We went out a few times, and on one date she confessed she had a crush on me back in 8th grade (NOOOOO REALLLY???) Anyways it didn't work out. It's funny, she was on American Idol a few years ago.
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