civibf Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 This sucks. 2 days before I'm supposed to move in with my long distance girlfriend for the summer (4 months) and she breaks up with me. She's in the military and just got posted to a ship. She told me that she can take the pressure and feels terrible that I'm giving up everything to move there for the summer and willing to give up everything and follow her around for the rest of our lives. I wish she wasn't in the military. I wish we could have had the summer together. My bags are literally packed and I've quit my pt job. Due to the nature of her work and our relationship we had to talk about long term plans. I thought I knew where my life was going and now I feel lost. I'm sick of relationships.
Author civibf Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Even though she was posted, she'd still be living at home for most of the summer.
SleeplessRomantic Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Hey Civibf, could you elaborate a little more about the reasoning she explained over her decision to break up with you?
Author civibf Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 The plan was for me to move to where she lives for four months between school semesters. I quit my pt job, bought a plane ticket, and was planning to work there for the summer. For months she would tell me how excited she was for me to get there and to see me on a regular basis. Then, about a month ago she got posted to a ship which means she'll be in and out of town on small sails for the time that I'm there. Her work became much more demanding and stressful. So a few days ago she calls me and tells me that she feels bad that she doesn't feel excited for me to get there anymore and that she feels like there's a lot of pressure. She said she's worried and feels bad that she doesn't feel as strongly for me as she thinks she should. It feels like ever since her posting a wall came up and she went from being smitten with me, to shutting me out. I still have messages from her up to March 20th saying she needs me there and can't wait. It sucks.
idontunderstand Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Seems to me like she feels guilty and doesn't want you to give up what you have for her (even though it's only for the summer) or she's having second thoughts because the reality of you guys actually being together in person is something she cannot bear. I was in a similar situation where the girl was super excited for me going to see her for a weekend or so. She said I could definitely go there and then ultimately came up with an excuse and I ended up not going. But in my case, we're not talking at the moment. If I were you, I'd reassure her how much you care and that she shouldn't feel guilty whatsoever.
Wolz Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 i really feel for you it was about 30 days till i saw my person but she cheated on me that close to me visiting her. But in the end sadly it means she didn't love you enough. you deserve someone who would always stay with you no matter what she was going through. you're still going to be in pain from this though for a while
wild_urge Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Look, I don't know if that would help but every time I have to see my boyfriend I always get really scared, I don't know why, i just have a weird feeling. . . but I have never ever taught to myself that maybe we shouldn't meet . . . my point is that, LDR is a huge test for relationships and she obviously failed the test, it only means that you are better off without her, since you really need to be able to count on the person you love, she doesn’t seem to love you enough, at least not as much as you deserve to be loved. You'll find someone better that will stick up with you through anything. Good luck!
heartcore Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 You said you wish she wasn't in the military. My fiancée is in the military and he's 4800 miles away. I have not ONCE wished he wasn't in the military. This is his career which makes it part of him and I choose to love everything about him and that includes his career choice. He was also very concern that I'm going to have to leave my whole life to be with him and our lives will belong to the military. I ease his mind by telling him that I choose any type of living situation to be with him. I honestly believe that a lifetime without him is not worth living. Although the military owns him, I am his first priority. I'm sorry that this happen to you. It's a lousy way to do it and the timing is just terrible. If you do end up getting back together, make sure that she doesn't feel "the pressure". This is a sign that she may not be as committed in the relationship as you are. If this is the case then you need to think about it. You deserve to be with someone who is just as invested as you are. At the very least... if she really is out of your life, you are closer finding "the one" being with her only delayed it. It's admirable how you would have gone through so much trouble for someone you cared for. I hope this incident doesn't discourage you. I've seen so many people who punish their current bf/gf for the mistakes their ex did to them. Not every girl is going to screw you over. I promise. I'm sorry I couldn't be any more help but I hope you find peace with all of these. Also hope you got your job back or get a better one.
Author civibf Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I don't think we'll ever get back together. And I do deserve someone who'll be with me through the most difficult of times. I had an even more terrible break up a few years ago (caught my fiancee at the time in bed with someone) and this relationship was the first time I let my wall down and let someone get close to me. I just can't help but feel a little discouraged. I hate to sound cliche, but the nice guy always get screwed. Fingers crossed that all this heartache leads to ultimate happiness!
Treetops1969 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I thinki she still loves you but is just scared of the commitment. Talk to her gently, leave your own hurt out of it and see what she says.
Author civibf Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Tried that. She's pretty stubborn when she puts her mind to something. It would take some sort of grand epiphany for anything to change. When she first told me it was over I told her it sucked and I was shocked etc, but I told her I understand I guess. A week later I sent her an email saying I missed her and feel like we should try and work it out... that I want to fight for our relationship etc. She sent a fairly cold reply saying "I've made up my mind" and "don't send any more emails like this". Sadly for her, once she's dated a bunch of douchebags and realizes what she's lost I'm sure I'll have moved on to someone who appreciates me.
Author civibf Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Either that or I'll have sold all my earthly possessions and will be living in the woods somewhere!
heartcore Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 lol glad you see you kept your humor through this situation. kinda expected that reaction from her. military people are quick to make final decisions. it kinda goes with the territory.
daisy love Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Had you two met in person before? It seems like she was scared to see you for some reason.
Author civibf Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Yes, we used to live in the same city. And since we had been in a LDR we were seeing each other ever 4-6 weeks. She made a trip to see me just 3 weeks before I was to move there because she felt like she couldn't make it the 8 weeks it would have been since the last visit.
lola loves him Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Have been in a relationship for 3 yrs... LDR for 1 1/2 years and he just broke up with me on Easter Sunday. We live in different states and for the past year we've been planning my move. He has PTSD and anxiety from military and stresses over life changing situations. Our relationship has been easy with few bumps. Since he's retired he would comes stay with me for up to a month at a time. One we started planning my move was when he began to stress out. 3 weeks before the break up, he suprised me with plane tickets to his city. We celebrated our anniversary and had a great time. He even bought me a brand new car since my current car is very old. He wanted me to be able to get around town once I move, without him having to worry about me getting stuck somewhere. I gave my notice at work. I moved out of my apartment and into a small house with my family- I have no privacy - until my son finished the school year. My teenager didn't chose his classes for next year since we were planning on moving. 3 weeks after my trip and after I move out of my apartment and sell my furnature, he breaks up with me - ugh!!!! I know it was because of his stress and PTSD..and not because we didn't like eachother. It's been 7 weeks since we broke up and we still have not talked since our last arguement. Since then, I have decided to move to his city anyways. I already have an apartment waiting for me (I move in 4 weeks). My only problem is, he doesn't know it yet. I don't know if i should tell him and risk him stressing out again, or if I should contact him after my move. I don't want him to think of me as some stalker ex-girlfriend. I have thought about not contacting him at all and let our paths cross. Last time we talked, it was a very heated and emotional arguement. We didn't give eachother closure. We have stuff at eachother's homes and we still have eachother's house keyes, not to mention he has my new car. I really miss him but at this point I'm afraid to call him in fear it will push him away - we women are famous for trying to "fix" it only to drive them away. Sorry this is long...guess I meant to say, I know what you're going through.
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