he's too busy for a relationship right now..? should i keep waiting?

[justagirrl]

Hi everyone, this is my first time on here and I'm not too familiar with it. This may be long, but it's much needed and may help others with knowing they're not the only one going through something like this. It's a lot of little details, but if I didn't include them, it wouldn't make sense. I know it's a lot but I would really appreciate it if someone could read this and possibly help me?

 

I'm a first-year college student, and over the winter break, I was browsing on facebook and came across a guy on my friend's facebook she recently became friends with and he looked familiar...so I added him. I knew I saw him at a party or something...so about an hour after I added him, he messaged me and said “do I know you? Lol” I was like prob from a party...and he was like yeah! You look familiar! So from that point we started talking and he asked me if I would listen to a few songs he just recorded (he sings and plays guitar), I said sure and he sent me them. I said they were really good and he was like “you should come to some of my performances! Whats your number? It's easier if I text ya ”

 

And that's how it all began, 4 months ago. The first day of texting was really cute, getting to know each other...I even tried playing hard to get just because I haven't in the past and wanted to try it out, so I'd wait a while to answer each text instead of replying instantly. I think he even asked to hangout later that day if I wasn't busy but I told him I had to help my mom with paperwork because I didn't want to make myself seem so available. So for the next 2 days of texting (non-stop...all day long) and breaking the ice, he kept asking me to hangout, and I kept saying maybe, i'll let you know later...and ended up telling him I had to help my mom again. So, I think 3 days after talking, I agreed to hangout with him after I got out of work.

 

He lives on campus, so I went to his dorm. When I got there he met me downstairs and he was even more attractive than his pictures...which I wasn't expecting (I was actually expecting the opposite) but anyway. We went upstairs and talked for a while, then we layed down on his bed watching tv...started kissing....other stuff (which I wasnt planning), and one thing led to another.

 

I've never done that...IN MY LIFE. First time ever having sex with someone the first time we met. The thought definitely crossed both our minds, but we connected so much talking and getting to know each other...and I guess everything just felt right. We were both so comfortable with each other and I think we were overwhelmed at how much we actually connected only knowing each other a few days.

 

I'm completely aware that THAT right there, was a bad move. The thought of “tell him you wanna take things slow and see where things go” crossed my mind, but I was so caught up in the moment, I just let it happen (stupid, I know). We talked about it right after it happened while I was still there. He said that's the first time he's ever done that as well...and he's only had sex with one other person who he was in a relationship with 3 years ago. I think he actually lied about that...way before I knew him, he used to be overweight, and now he's amazingly ripped and is a personal trainer, and probably got a lot of attention he never got before.

 

Everything was fine from that point on.

 

We hung out every other day (literally) for the rest of the winter break. I live at home and commute (I live 10 minutes from campus) but he lives on campus, and as soon as he went back to school, I noticed he wasn't texting as much anymore...and I understand it could be because he's busy. We still found time to hangout every now and then...I've been to his house many times, and met his parents and older sisters and they seem to really like me a lot. I haven't been to his house since the end of January! He goes home every weekend, but he's always busy “studying, doing a project, or recording music.”

 

In January, he got a manager and started recording his EP album that's being “released” in May, so he's been working on that since January...but isn't doing as much right now because of school. I have 2 jobs, and i'm a full-time student...and I still seem to have time to hangout and stuff. So I don't really understand his excuse. I talked to him about if he would eventually wanna be in a relationship and he said “I don't know, it depends on how busy I am in the near future.” And I talked to him about how maybe we should try going on a date or something because all we've ever done is hangout at eachother's houses, but I get that he's always at school and doesn't have his car there...so he was like “Sorry! I can't until I finish my album!” So he didn't say he didn't want a relationship with me, and he didn't say he didn't wanna go out on a date with me....he just “doesn't have time right now.”

 

I totally understand, being a full-time student is INSANE. But still, since February...I've pretty much been the one texting him first or asking to hangout. Except for one time, he texted me saying “let's have jungle tonight?” (he kinda looks like tarzan...same hair, hot body and everyone calls him that so it's kinda our inside joke) but still, that sounded like he just wanted to have sex, he didn't even say hi! I let him know I didn't like how he said it, but I ended up going over. So I don't know I'm getting really mixed signals. Whenever I go there, I sleep over usually, and we sleep really close, and he usually holds me and we wake up like that, so it's not like he doesn't want me there with him. Everyone tells me he's just immature.

 

He has this best friend who is a girl...and made it a point to tell me, but told me that they're just friends, and that's it. I was looking at his pictures on facebook, and last year, she seemed to be commenting and liking pretty much every other picture he has. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a really pretty girl, and was really popular in high school and was always the one having to turn down guys...not to be rude, or shallow...but on a scale of 1 to 10...she's about a 3. (not that it matters, it just doesn't make sense that he isn't jumping to be in a relationship with me)

 

Last week, I went to his dorm and when I got there, I saw a pair of girl's glasses on his desk. I was like “I didn't know you wore glasses?!” He was like “Those are Alvan's, you didn't know he's gay?!” (Alvan is his roommate) and then just started making jokes eventually getting off the subject and I let it go...when I got home, I texted him and was like who's glasses were those seriously. And he was like “Alvan's sister got really drunk at a party and came here to sleep and left them here.” …..um, why couldn't you tell me that in the first place? He goes “because you would think I do stuff with his sister.”

 

We've seen eachother since then, and I didn't bring it up, which was stupid of me...but I just get nervous about that stuff in person. I've been trying to go NC, but it's so hard...worked for about 2 days but I gave in. Today I'm trying again...so is this a good plan? I need some advice on this whole situation because I know he really does like me, a lot...I just feel like he's so immature that he has no idea what he's doing.

 

I know that was a lot. Wow...but let me know what you think. Thank you so much

[knathema]

Hey justagirrl, i understand how you're feeling right now. My ex and i just separated a week ago and 2 days ago, she's already seeing someone else. Our situations are different but we're both in pain.

 

Since i am a guy, i will tell you what i think is happening. When a person likes/loves you, no matter how busy they are, they will make time for you. And the fact that you guys moved so fast, you mentioned that you guys were already doing the physical stuff before REALLY getting to know each other? like.. go out on dates, etc. Well, you have to understand that he already got what he wants. No offense here, but from a guy's perspective, he simply thinks of you as "just another girl." He only wants you there for sex. Like you were saying, if he has nothing to hide then why didn't he just tell you who owned those glasses. And the fact that he had to lie about it proves that he is shady. Trust me on this, i been there. But i learned and i know better now.

 

My advice to you, NC and move on before you become too attached to him. It will only hurt more in the future. You said that you are a pretty girl, well there's your advantage. You need to prove that he is not the only guy there, and if you keep up the NC, the more power you have. And if he really likes you like you said, then he will contact you first. And if things do work out that way, don't give in and actually get to know each other first. Good luck!

[justagirrl]

Thanks for your response. I know, i gave in way too soon and that was a huge mistake, but we talked about it, and that was the first time that's happened for both of us...and he knows i'm not the kind of girl that would normally do that. But still doesn't make it right.

 

And you're completely right...if he really wanted to, he would make time whenever he can. It just sucks that he's leading me on and almost giving me something to look forward to? Even though it doesn't really look like it's gonna happen =/

 

And thank you so much for reading all of that!...i was rambling, but I think details were necessary

[knathema]

Guys are like that, especially because he is still young and he is attractive like you said he is. They won't truly learn until it's their turn to feel the pain. I am still coping with it and i regretted some of the choices i made in the past, but i learned so much so i can become a better person/bf/husband/father in the future. Just try your best to keep up the NC and save yourself some dignity, and be happy because you deserve it. (:

[carhill]

When I get a busy signal, I hang up

[justagirrl]

i need to learn how to do that