dragonfly22 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone, So since we broke up almost 2 weeks ago my ex has texted me several times that he thinks we will be together "in the future". Once he even told me he thought it was highly likely we would be together again, just now now. I know he is dating someone else now. I know my biggest mistake was to stay in touch with him and this wouldn't have happened had I gone NC right away. However I KNOW that I should be upset and feel insulted that he keeps telling me this while he is dating someone else, but WHY don't I??? You should see the rush of happiness I feel when he tells me those things. I hate myself for being so weak and not being able to just walk away from him and forget him. To not be able to care about the fact that he threw away a 5 year relationship, that he got rid of me as if I was just any girl and not the woman he was going to marry, the woman he promised to love and protect forever. I found a chat log from 2 years ago where he told me "I love you soo much. You changed my life forever. Please promise me if I ever do something stupid you will make me realize what a HUGE mistake I'm doing, promise me you won't let this die and I promise I will do the same. What we have...this is too good and it is for life." How could he forget about that? I was checking these chat logs and until 2 months ago everything seemed perfect. He was the same loving man. I did notice in the last month before the breakup he stopped saying "i love you". Can a man throw away a 5 year relationship over a one or 2 month old crush? To be honest right now there's nothing I want as bad as him realizing what we had and coming back. For the past few nights I've dreamt about him and the new girl. In my dreams he does with her all of what he enjoyed doing with me, he calls her names that he had for me. I've ALWAYS considered myself a very independent woman. I'm smart, have been highly succesful in my career and before he came along I was very happy being single. I don't date just for the sake of dating, I'm more of the idea that it is better to be single than to have a boyfriend just not to be alone. So WHY ON EARTH have I become this insecure and depent woman? Why do I want nothing more than for him to come back even after the excrutiating pain he has put me through? Even after he left me for someone else? He even told me he had deleted every one of the emails I sent him in the past 5 years, he didn't want to keep any of them (I write a lot and it was my way of expressing what I felt for him many times, so I would send him nice loving e-mails often). So he is moving on but telling me he wants me later? This is even disrespectful for the other woman in his life (not that I care as she started something with a man in a relationship). Sorry for my rant...I'm just feeling so sad. And the dreams. These dreams are killing me. I wake up feeling defeated every day. I start therapy today. Never been to therapy before (never felt I needed it) so I hope it helps. Edited April 27, 2011 by dragonfly22
Irishlove Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 He is keeping you on the line. He is going to go out and mess around and when he is done he will come crawling back to you. The best thing you can do is start dating yourself and find a better man and NOT be there when he calls. If he texts you again with that mess, let him know that once someone breaks up with you they don't get a second chance. Tell him buh bye! Be sad and don't let him know!!
doubtfulwonder Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's treating you as a backup plan right now in case his rebound doesn't work out. Don't let him control the situation and your life. Get back to how you were before him. You deserve better than this treatment! Find that happiness again when you were single. That strong independent woman you know that is in you. I've been trying to get back to what I once was before my break up too. It can take time but you can do it!
Author dragonfly22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Well like I said before, today was my first therapy session. I have to be honest, I always thought therapy was for losers. I thought if you were a well balanced person you had to be able to deal with issues on your own. Well, this is pain and constant sadness was too much for me and I finally decided to visit a therapist. All I can say after my first session is: GO TO THERAPY! I told her my story and she immediately started giving me answers. I will never know what is going through my ex's mind but she gave me a lot of insight into our relationship's dynamic. Lots of red flags I was too blind to see (love is blind right) and that explain why this could've happen. Basically, I need to be more careful when choosing a partner and that's what we will work on. Of course first we will work on finding some closure for my failed relationship, but also on how to pick a better partner next time. Seriously, I needed this SO much.
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 all i know is i started going to therapy when i was 30...wish it was 20..maybe now things wouldn't be so tough for me to understand. it was the best thing i could have ever done
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