Kidd Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Been together 17 years. married 11. Two kids, 8 and 4. She started changing about a year ago. Lost weight, new interest in sex, sexy underwear, heels, new friends, concerts, late night drinking. Told me two weeks ago that she wasn't passionately in love with me anymore and didn't ever think she could be again. Said it twice. Said she needed time to decide. It's been two weeks. Found a link on her computer to hotwifeblog.com. Lovely site dedicated to women that have sex outside their relationship. It was right in her drop down list so I asked. She said it's just stuff she likes to read, like looking at porn. Says she's not into that lifestyle. Bought a GPS unit today for her car. Feeling guilty. Would have to lie forever. She agreed to marriage counseling and seems genuine and torn. Looking for opinions before I install.
kevinm1019 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Been together 17 years. married 11. Two kids, 8 and 4. She started changing about a year ago. Lost weight, new interest in sex, sexy underwear, heels, new friends, concerts, late night drinking. Told me two weeks ago that she wasn't passionately in love with me anymore and didn't ever think she could be again. Said it twice. Said she needed time to decide. It's been two weeks. Found a link on her computer to hotwifeblog.com. Lovely site dedicated to women that have sex outside their relationship. It was right in her drop down list so I asked. She said it's just stuff she likes to read, like looking at porn. Says she's not into that lifestyle. Bought a GPS unit today for her car. Feeling guilty. Would have to lie forever. She agreed to marriage counseling and seems genuine and torn. Looking for opinions before I install. Don't wait to get blindsided... better to be safe than sorry. Think about it... "hotwifeblog"... what reason would a married woman need to go onto a site of this nature WITHOUT her husband's knowledge of her activities?
Rinnix Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 If you feel that she is up to no good, she likely is. I just had a glimpse of that blog. Wow all all I have to say, its very visual and not something id be interested in reading about. Its up to you if you want to confirm her behaviour. If you find out she isn't guilty of wrong doing then your stress will clear. If you find evidence then it will be in your court if you wish to proceed in the relationship. I don't normally condone snooping, but if cheating is in the equation, it's best to find out what your dealing with.
Irishlove Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I can tell you now she is up to no good. Come on.......
collegeguy_24 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Install the GPS system, this is a big issue, and in fact, someone else on this forum went through something similar to you. Here is the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256919/ His situation and your are very similar, so read his thread and maybe you can learn about what to do.
Lucky_One Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I would install it, but that's just me. Her behavior seems consistent with an EMA. It doesn't necessarily seem consistent with the lifestyle of hotwives.com (the husbands usually are all into it, and like to participate and watch and stuff), but perhaps she really does like it as a porn thing.
Author Kidd Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Thanks everyone. Just afraid it will come up with nothing and I'll have never-ending guilt over lying forever. Will decide soon enough.
linwood Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Looking for opinions before I install. Install it now. Put a voice activated recorder in her car too. Check her phone logs/e-mail if you can.
Kelemort Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I feel inclined to disagree with some of the other posters - the web site especially just seems like a housewife's fantasy. If you had found, say, a profile for Ashley Madison or something, you would have cause for concern. But the fact is this seems to just be pictures and reading material. Call it the new romance novel. I suspect your wife just envisions herself in that role and has fantasies. What IS troubling is that she's suddenly made a bunch of changes in her life. Is she now uncertain about your marriage because of all of the changes, or did your marriage situation prompt all of the changes? But what you're describing - newfound confidence in the bedroom, going out with friends, concerts - that's no big deal (late night drinking could be). You don't say how frequently she engages in any of this. Is it possible that you find yourself threatened by this transformation in her? She's a better 'option' now, so to speak, than she may have been before. Does that worry you? Most of these (depending on the friends) sound like positive changes. It's the motivation that matters. Then we get down to the part where she isn't sure she can ever be passionately in love with you again. Have you talked to her more in depth about this? Maybe ask her what caused her feelings to change? When it happened? She agreed to go to marriage counseling with you. To me, someone who wasn't interested in saving their marriage wouldn't bother. Obviously it's one thing to say "yes" and then another to go, but you're in the right step. At this point, I think that installing this unit in her car is the last thing you should do. What if she discovers it? Say 'good-bye' to any hope of reconciliation, which is what you're apparently trying to do here. Sit down with her right now and make concrete appointments for marriage counseling. If she goes with you the first time, great! If she continues to go, excellent! Your wife may have made changes in her life to make it clear to you she can move on at any time - although she may never actually move on at all. I've done the same in relationships, although I know I'd never actually cheat. It's imperative that you find out what's wrong and driving her to confess she doesn't love you anymore. Save the detective work for later. It sounds very much like your wife may just be enjoying her weight loss a little too much. I'd imagine she's probably been carrying the weight since she started having kids, if not before that. It's an incredible rush when you lose enough weight to feel confident. You can go out, feel sexy, have fun in a way you really couldn't before. Talk to her. Don't install that unit just yet.
collegeguy_24 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I feel inclined to disagree with some of the other posters - the web site especially just seems like a housewife's fantasy. If you had found, say, a profile for Ashley Madison or something, you would have cause for concern. But the fact is this seems to just be pictures and reading material. Call it the new romance novel. I suspect your wife just envisions herself in that role and has fantasies. What IS troubling is that she's suddenly made a bunch of changes in her life. Is she now uncertain about your marriage because of all of the changes, or did your marriage situation prompt all of the changes? But what you're describing - newfound confidence in the bedroom, going out with friends, concerts - that's no big deal (late night drinking could be). You don't say how frequently she engages in any of this. Is it possible that you find yourself threatened by this transformation in her? She's a better 'option' now, so to speak, than she may have been before. Does that worry you? Most of these (depending on the friends) sound like positive changes. It's the motivation that matters. Then we get down to the part where she isn't sure she can ever be passionately in love with you again. Have you talked to her more in depth about this? Maybe ask her what caused her feelings to change? When it happened? She agreed to go to marriage counseling with you. To me, someone who wasn't interested in saving their marriage wouldn't bother. Obviously it's one thing to say "yes" and then another to go, but you're in the right step. At this point, I think that installing this unit in her car is the last thing you should do. What if she discovers it? Say 'good-bye' to any hope of reconciliation, which is what you're apparently trying to do here. Sit down with her right now and make concrete appointments for marriage counseling. If she goes with you the first time, great! If she continues to go, excellent! Your wife may have made changes in her life to make it clear to you she can move on at any time - although she may never actually move on at all. I've done the same in relationships, although I know I'd never actually cheat. It's imperative that you find out what's wrong and driving her to confess she doesn't love you anymore. Save the detective work for later. It sounds very much like your wife may just be enjoying her weight loss a little too much. I'd imagine she's probably been carrying the weight since she started having kids, if not before that. It's an incredible rush when you lose enough weight to feel confident. You can go out, feel sexy, have fun in a way you really couldn't before. Talk to her. Don't install that unit just yet. This person makes a very sound argument, so I will retract my original post to go ahead and install the unit, do that at a later time if things get worse. Do what this poster said first.
Kinder-Horror Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Thanks everyone. Just afraid it will come up with nothing and I'll have never-ending guilt over lying forever. Will decide soon enough. Look, IF you find nothing, and the guilt of doing it is driving you insane.... then tell her! Tell her that you installed a GPS and found nothing and you feel terribly guilty about it so you had to confess. Then tell her WHY you installed it in the first place and why her actions led you to believe she was being unfaithful. Bam. Done.
Woman In Blue Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Start out small then, like putting a keylogger on her computer. Something tells me you're going to find PAYDIRT on that computer.
MichiganMan222 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I wouldn't think twice about installing. If you install, you get one of two things; piece of mind or grounds to pursue much needed divorce. If you don't install, you're only left with the agony of not knowing. This is a no-brainer.
Timmeh Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Installing the device should be a last resort. Think of it as an atom bomb if you will. Too me it seems that the seeds of this relationships demise have been planted, however you can STOP them from reaching maturity. It's an encouraging sign that she is willing to go to some kind of marriage counceling. The GPS device is a huge gamble, because if she finds it consider the relationship over. You will be stonewalled and there will be no hope of fixing your relationship.
MichiganMan222 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Installing the device should be a last resort. Think of it as an atom bomb if you will. Too me it seems that the seeds of this relationships demise have been planted, however you can STOP them from reaching maturity. It's an encouraging sign that she is willing to go to some kind of marriage counceling. The GPS device is a huge gamble, because if she finds it consider the relationship over. You will be stonewalled and there will be no hope of fixing your relationship. I think it's more of a gamble to make decisions without knowing what you're dealing with.
Jynxx Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Prepare for a divorce. Get a good lawyer. Hire a detective to get evidence of her cheating. Don't be cheap, go for the big dogs. Look into your prenup. Get assets liquid and put them with people that you trust. Go to a casino, wipe out your bank account for casino chips, have a friend store the chips in a deposit box under his name, claim you've gambled them away. Cancel cell phone or switch to prepaid. Try to terminate car lease. Have a DNA test performed on your kids, just to be sure. Agree to therapy, but **** it up and make it a miserable time for her so she will quit it, you can use that against her in a court of law. This is code red, don't be nice and fair with her, she's cheating on you and will try to take everything you own in the divorce. In a couple of months or years, come back here, read my post again and either thank me for the advice or regret not following it.
jnj express Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Your wife is not following the married woman script---she is following a single woman script----change in behavior, clothes, looks, going out without you-----stop being naive WHAT IS SHE DOING GOING OUT LATE NIGHT DRINKING-----put a stop to it, and do it NOW----Why would you even allow something like that---that is completely inappropriate for a married woman Put in not only a GPS, but VAR-----your wife is out of line, and YOU KNOW IT---stop worrying about what might happen----she is certainly not gonna divorce you---she needs you to finance her little escapades Time you stopped being a doormat!!!!!!!
Author Kidd Posted June 8, 2011 Author Posted June 8, 2011 Just to wrap this up...yeah, installed the GPS and caught her cheating. Long story but yes, GPS was the answer.
John Michael Kane Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Just to wrap this up...yeah, installed the GPS and caught her cheating. Long story but yes, GPS was the answer. Of course she was cheating. I'm sure you suspected it before you even put the GPS in her car. Divorce her.
Bryanp Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 It seemed pretty obvious that she was cheating based on your previous posts. Have you both been tested for STD's. After what she said to you it is clear that she has no respect for you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
carhill Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Sorry to read that, OP. At least you can have some closure now. The unknown is whether she'll go quietly or this will be a rancorous divorce. I hope for the former.
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