Junkshakemail Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 A bit of background I am 23 and she is 22, we dated for three years and we broke up a year back but we decided to be friends with benefits and its been a year and half until a couple of months back. After the break up we turned out to be best friends and we never lost connection until now when she found a serious bf who lives in another city like 4 hrs away. We hang out every week for dinners and movies though she has a bf and he knows about us hanging out and he seems cool with it. I keep thinking about her constantly and feel the need to talk to her. Its hard for me to cut contact because I am a family friend to her's. I know that we could never work out for a future so we cant get back yet we keep meeting up every week and hanging out as friends. I can see she genuinely cares for me as a friend but it hurts she is dating some one but I see she really loves him though he seems not right for her (im not telling out of jealousy seriously - smiling face) She had been a huge part of my life (I came here to study by my self when I was 17 from another country) so she was there for me when I was alone since I had no family or friends here then so its hard for me. I am not able to loose the attachment towards her and its killing me that she is getting serious with some one. I was hoping to get an opinion. Thank you
smudge21 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 FWB is total bs in my opinion as one person will always care more than the other, and this leads into situations just like yours. The fact remains you pretty much told her you were happy to be just a friend to her (with extras) and so when the time came for her to want more, she looked elsewhere, probably never even considered taking you back in that way. Now because you've been in this FWB setup for so long the feelings you had for her have been dormant only surfacing the second she's showing interest elsewhere. I really don't think there's much you can do to change this now. You've got to decide can you remain her friend (and probably only a friend) whilst she dates someone else, or do you say goodbye. I could never remain a friend with someone I had feelings for especially when they start dating again. I would go with telling her goodbye and being honest about how you feel. If you're truly saying goodbye then you have nothing to lose and it's good (imo) to clear the air. Rather that then live with regrets that you didn't say what you wanted to. Maybe after some time apart you can get back in touch and be friends again, but only friends. But right now, be honest, you can't do it. Part ways as friends now and go no contact so you can heal and move on. Maybe even find someone new...
Author Junkshakemail Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) Thank you for the quick reply. Though we were friends with benefit earlier and now friends, It seems like I am just getting over the break up now cause she is getting close to some one else and we can not be like before. I dont know if I can walk away since I am a family friend to her's and they treat me more like their own son. But I am also getting the feeling that I am just filling in the gap her bf cant since he is not here, like her birthday is coming up this week and she wants me to take her out for her birthday. I asked her should'nt your bf do this and she was like "you are my best friend and best friends do this on the others birthday and even if he was here I would still hang out" I can see she cares a lot for me as a friend Edited April 27, 2011 by draxz1289
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