Shaun-Dro Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 It's probably just the confidence and the fact that they aren't a yes man that you're attracted to, not because they are a jerk. There are plenty of guys that are confident, even alpha, who aren't jerks. How common this is with the younger guys though, I don't know. Don't try changing yourself, or let bitter weaklings make you think you have a problem. It's natural for most women to be interested in the more confident guys/bad boys, and to not find yes men attractive. You don't have to give anyone a chance who you aren't attracted to. That's wrong! If the guy is trying to be nice to her and he looks okay, she should give him a chance. I'm so sick and tired of Mr. Alpha this and that! Cant a guy be himself, treat the girl with respect, listen to her whenever she talks, etc. and get a shot these days! Damn, the dating world is really closing out fast .
phineas Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 True, but the relationships are so draining. I don't mind having to call a woman on her ****, but when it's a constant battle of wills it just gets old. Been there, done that. Usually these women go from relationship to relationship. The strong willed guys who aren't as in your face get dropped because they're not 'ballsy enough' (though by most standards they're confident dudes) and the ones who are hard core enough to deal with these women usually drop them after enough BS or have others going at the same time. This. I honestly think these are the only kind of women left at my age (late 30's) as EVERY chick i've tried to get with pushes everything to the extreme. It's one big fricken game to them. every answer when it comes to doing anything is "maybe" or "i'll think about it" and I've literally had to basically tell them if they are too busy for me I got someone who isn't. I'll just stop talking to them & ignore them & then they go ape-sheet & the chick that couldn't decide if she wanted to date me is showing up at my door 10 at night looking for sex after I ignored them a whole week then sent them a text telling them to come over. it's exhausting having to constantly show someone your going to walk away from them if they don't cut the games.
sagetalk Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 You don't have to give anyone a chance who you aren't attracted to. True, but those kinds of men generally form toxic relationships. Yes men are pathetic, I hope no woman is attracted to them. But there is a huge difference between a yes man and a jerk.
sanskrit Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 "Jerks," "nice guys," "bad boy," "alpha," "beta," all nebulous. imprecise indefinable labels that people think are understood with commonality, but are not. Analyzing specific behaviors of others, specific personality traits with precise descriptive terms is how to get answers for oneself and others, all the continued "label-babbling" does is muddy the waters. Here's a single example. Women think a local guy's behavior is "alpha" because he always has to have his way and is always stirring up drama to get attention. He rides a motorcycle, has lots of piercings and tattoos, and always makes a show of getting drunk and doing dangerous things. He has few male friends, spends all his social energy chasing girls and catching a buzz. In actuality, he is a doted on "mama's boy" who has been spoiled by mama his entire life, and his constant drama is a sign of deep insecurities and deep needs to win approval and affection from "mama/females generally." Another local guy is classified by women as "beta." He is circumspect and quieter generally because he has a demanding, stressful job and the last thing he wants is to bring drama into his private life. He has nothing to prove to anyone, so doesn't engage in lots of peacocking behavior. He doesn't chase many women because most of them turn him off at first impression by acting like self-absorbed idiots. He has no deep-seated need for female approval, so doesn't engage in soap opera level drama games, and has no need to draw attention to himself. I know which guy I want in the boarded up house when the zombies come and which one I will likely shoot myself before the sun comes up. Could give dozens of other examples involving the above listed terms, but will spare you all. Better to describe specific behavior with precise terms rather than falling back lazily on nebulous descriptors that don't mean anything.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 An alpha male is somebody who has everything together. They're men who have high emotional IQ's, and they are usually assertive. These people aren't afraid to make it known what they want and they are usually confident. They are strong in their resolves and won't let women or men alike bend them over. Being an "alpha male" does not mean you have to be an overzelous controlling jerk. Bull****. An alpha male is just someone who kicks around the beta, or lesser, males, to raise himself up higher. He's nothing but a coward. It's the beta males that usually have everything together. But women don't think they're "betta" than the "asspha" males, do they?
MissJoness Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I'll be honest, at times I do find myself to be attracted to some of the cocky, arrogant, overconfident womanzing type of men--maybe it's the fact that they are so confident in who they are...& then there's the challenge of trying to change him and you being the only woman to make him commit that makes you feel like you've really have something that other woman didn't have...I've always deep down wanted to be one of those women who made the biggest player want to settle down with her..
MissJoness Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 What is it with the whole alpha thing? Ive never heard this even discussed in the real world only online where it seems to be the end all be all for allot of women.. Whats wrong with a laid back guy? some women seem to think being quiet or laid back means weak and beign assertive or overly talkative means the guys strong Do "alphas"make you feel more feminine by domanating and controlling you and the relationship? Seems like women want to be controlled and told what to do and if theyre not they lose attraction..maybe some of you equate dominate personality with being dominate in the bedroom? Since, I am quiet and laid back myself, I would not date a guy who had the similar type personality because the relationship would just be BORING. So I would need a guy who is more outgoing, and a bit of an alpha male to balance things out. Yeah, I do view them as being more masculine and it makes me feel very feminine and sexy. I've noticed the women who go for the nice guys are usually very loud, aggressive and assertive women. So things work out for everyone in the long run
Nexus One Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I'll be honest, at times I do find myself to be attracted to some of the cocky, arrogant, overconfident womanzing type of men--maybe it's the fact that they are so confident in who they are...& then there's the challenge of trying to change him and you being the only woman to make him commit that makes you feel like you've really have something that other woman didn't have...I've always deep down wanted to be one of those women who made the biggest player want to settle down with her.. You and the masses of other women out there. I suspect a lot of women think that. Knowing some players myself I personally think that's a futile endeavor. If you women would know how such men talk about women to other guys, you'd be shocked...shocked I tell you. To give you an idea I think Borat explained it once quite vividly with his ranking system: 1. Man 2. Horse 3. Dog 4. Rat 5. Woman Disclaimer: I do not share those opinions.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I've noticed the women who go for the nice guys are usually very loud, aggressive and assertive women. So things work out for everyone in the long run Since I'm not attracted to such a type, perhaps I'm shooting myself in the foot?
MissJoness Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 You and the masses of other women out there. I suspect a lot of women think that. Knowing some players myself I personally think that's a futile endeavor. If you women would know how such men talk about women to other guys, you'd be shocked...shocked I tell you. To give you an idea I think Borat explained it once quite vividly with his ranking system: 1. Man 2. Horse 3. Dog 4. Rat 5. Woman Disclaimer: I do not share those opinions. There have been some women who have managed to get players to change and settle down with them...it doesn't happen all the time but it has happened before.
Nexus One Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 There have been some women who have managed to get players to change and settle down with them...it doesn't happen all the time but it has happened before. I know such guys too, they all cheat.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I know such guys too, they all cheat. This is very true. It's impossible to get a player to change his ways. Rather than try to change a player, why not settle for the person who doesn't have to be changed (aka the nice guy?)
alethean Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Since I'm not attracted to such a type, perhaps I'm shooting myself in the foot? I wouldn't say so. Among my group of friends, the ones who want the flashy type are flashy themselves. The quieter ones among us want the more calm ones. I've never deluded myself with any bad boy fantasies...and I <3 nerds. If only nerds could love me back.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I wouldn't say so. Among my group of friends, the ones who want the flashy type are flashy themselves. The quieter ones among us want the more calm ones. I've never deluded myself with any bad boy fantasies...and I <3 nerds. If only nerds could love me back. Believe me, I am a nerdy guy, looking for a nerdy girl. Unfortunately, they don't seem to like my type.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 NOW HEAR THIS ABOUT "ALPHA MALES". The term Alpha and Beta male first came into use in reference to wolf packs. The study of wolf society led researchers to think of each pack as having a hierarchy of male and female wolves. So Alpha male and Alpha Female were the only ones allowed to mate and have pups. The beta male and female would become alpha if one of the Alpha's died. Then at the bottom was the Omega male and female who got picked on by everyone else. People who knew nothing about the science they were basing their philosophy on took up these ideas and applied them to humans. Those people ignored: *That humans evolved in a different climate and with a different level of intelligence than wolves. *That human culture has always been complex than that of wolves... defining who's in charge and therefore "alpha" is not aways straight forward (Classic example In Japan in the 1500's was the Emperoror "son of heaven" really the guy in charge and Alpha? Or was the Shogun who was his official subordinate...really in charge?) I can go on. On the face of it the Alpha Beta male thing would not be applicable to humans. The kicker is.... It's not even a valid way of discussing the behavior of wolves in the wild used in the science where it was first proposed. That video is a talk from the person who coined the terms Alpha and Beta male. He explains that in truth the Alpha male of a wolf pack is simply the father or grandfather of all the other wolves. So if a man wants to be an alpha male he needs two things... To own some real estate, and have a wife and kids (then eventually grandkids) that is what will make him an alpha male in the sense of the Alpha dog/wolf. Since we are humans a man can become an alpha male simply by showing some leadership. Women are attracted to leadership. Young women like biscuit often mistake jerkyness for leadership. She'll grow out of it.
Woggle Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I wouldn't say so. Among my group of friends, the ones who want the flashy type are flashy themselves. The quieter ones among us want the more calm ones. I've never deluded myself with any bad boy fantasies...and I <3 nerds. If only nerds could love me back. This is very true. Like tends to attract like. I find that women who tend to be into players tend to have daddy issues and seem to need that validation of being the one and only who changes him. Of course that rarely happens but it doesn't stop them. Men have something similiar called knight in shining armor complex. They are drawn to damaged women because they want to be that one man to save them from all the jerks. Neither strategy tends to have much success. If you want a healthy relationship then it makes sense to look for it with a healthy person.
alethean Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I find that women who tend to be into players tend to have daddy issues and seem to need that validation of being the one and only who changes him. I actually thought about that and ime find it to be true. Those of my friends who have daddy issues seek out these unfulfilling relationships with these men full of "swagger." Those of my friends who have great relationships with their fathers (myself included; I love my dad!) don't see the appeal in these types of guys. Wow, I had never thought of that before. I learn something new every day I suppose.
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