ls32ssibm Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Call me immature, insecure, or whatever. You're probably right. But here's the scoop; So, I've been dating this girl for 2 months and we just made it official last week. We are early 20s, and she has said she's only had one serious boyfriend before me. Don't ask how it happened, but she mentioned he wasn't the one she lost her virginity to. Now, she is taking things really slow with me; been on probably 15 dates and I've only kissed her and felt her a little through her shirt. Anyway, it seemed to me like she implied she's had a one night stand or something like that, so why is she taking it so slow with me? So I won't think she's a "slut"? Flame me all you want, I deserve it. I honestly thought I was more mature than to let this bother me.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 There's nothing immature about it. On some level you fear that while she's taking it slow with you...she's getting her pipes cleaned by someone else. In your early to mid 20's that's not unlikely at all. On the other hand, it's just as likely that she regrets that one niter and wants to get to know you and be with you for a good long while. Giving you good quality sex for months or years to come. Then who's really getting the better of her... mr one nite...or you?
soulm8 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I've been dating this girl for 2 months and we just made it official last week. We are early 20s, and she has said she's only had one serious boyfriend before me. Don't ask how it happened, but she mentioned he wasn't the one she lost her virginity to. Now, she is taking things really slow with me; been on probably 15 dates and I've only kissed her and felt her a little through her shirt. Anyway, it seemed to me like she implied she's had a one night stand or something like that, so why is she taking it so slow with me? So I won't think she's a "slut"? There's a number of possible reasons why she's going so slow with you. The best person to ask what those reasons are... is her. Her past, is her past... just as your's is. Some people are slow to warm up to a new love. Some people reserve sex until they know they can trust you completely. Some people are shy about sex and need the other person to start the fire burning. Yes, and some girls are very concerned with the whole madonna/whore complex because of their upbringing and past experience. Just because she lost her virginity to someone other than her last bf, doesn't automatically mean she had a one night stand. She could have been raped. She could have been dating a guy who disappeared right after he got into her pants. Tread carefully and you'll get your answer... but... do you really need to know? If you care about her and want a great relationship... it'd be wise to not push her for sex. You JUST became official! Maybe it's as simple as she has her period right now, or maybe she wants the first time to be "special". Don't get all hung up on sex. It'd be wise for you to plant the idea in her head that she's gonna have to work for it! Tease her and have fun... she'll find you harder and harder to resist. Just don't be creepy about it. I can guarantee some guys are going to respond telling you that she's playing you... but... this is between you and your girl.
Lilmisus Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Anything could have happened for when she lost her virginity. Drunk night that she didn't remember? Started seeing someone who she wasn't too serious with, gave it to him, and he bolted? Gave it to a guy friend of hers? Who knows? All you know is that it isn't any of your business if she doesn't want to make it your business. And the fact is..y'all just became official. Give it some time, and let her know that you aren't only after sex with her. Clearly someone wasn't like that with her last time, and it has made her pretty iffy about sex and new relationships, so just give her some time and don't worry about it too much. She likes you enough to not want you to bolt after sex, take it as a compliment.
Richard Friedman Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 In the best relationships I've had the girl jumped me pretty early on. When a girl is into a guy, an I mean REALLY into a guy, all of her rules like "I won't kiss him on the first date" or "I won't sleep with him until he says I love you" will fall by the wayside. True animal desire cannot be negotiated. It is there or it isn'tn't. Do you think she would be holding out on you if you were Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, or whoever her dream guy is? Not a chance. Your fears are very well founded.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 In the best relationships I've had the girl jumped me pretty early on. When a girl is into a guy, an I mean REALLY into a guy, all of her rules like "I won't kiss him on the first date" or "I won't sleep with him until he says I love you" will fall by the wayside. True animal desire cannot be negotiated. It is there or it isn'tn't. Do you think she would be holding out on you if you were Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, or whoever her dream guy is? Not a chance. Your fears are very well founded. Unfortunately this is true.
Jynxx Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 There's nothing immature about it. On some level you fear that while she's taking it slow with you...she's getting her pipes cleaned by someone else. In your early to mid 20's that's not unlikely at all. I disagree. OP isn't paranoid about this, it's more like he sees himself as the good guy who needs to whine and dine and court her and doesn't get anything out of it yet while she implies she let someone before him skip all that and get straight to business. It's not immature at all, every guy has needs and if she makes him suffer by holding out and at the same time rubs salt in the wound by implying other guys didn't have to wait, well, that sucks. In the best relationships I've had the girl jumped me pretty early on. When a girl is into a guy, an I mean REALLY into a guy, all of her rules like "I won't kiss him on the first date" or "I won't sleep with him until he says I love you" will fall by the wayside. True animal desire cannot be negotiated. It is there or it isn'tn't. Do you think she would be holding out on you if you were Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, or whoever her dream guy is? Not a chance. Your fears are very well founded. and totally this. I never understood how a couple can have a passionate relationship if one person is unattracted enough to the other to delay sex for weeks or even months.
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