rebeccajones Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Somehow I have reunited with my ex Bf. He has shown that he is interested by spending time with me but he has not verbally expressed any feelings. I find that I am very insecure and do not feel loved. I feel desperate and looking to him for all my happiness. I am trying very hard tonjust live my life and stay positive and be happy he is my friend, we can do things together but I see no excitement on his part or very little and I get insecure. Maybe it is just me. Lately I have distanced myself so that I can feel better and not be waiting on him. I just don't know if I'm making the wrong decision to keep dating him when I don't know where we stand. But I also kno inwas sad without him. I don't know if I'm just too easy, too available. He knows how I feel about him but he's not told me that he feels love for me. He has been there for me and is interested. But maybe he doesn't care if I'm there or not. But I am so he's just going with the flow. I also feel that I am not lovable and I get the feeling he has no love for me or strong desire. I feel like like I'm pulling and he's just following but without an ounce of love. I feel that he feels nothing for me. I don't know if it's just me who believes that I am unlovable or if it is really how he feels?
Fufu Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 You seriously need a serious good talk with him, if this carries on, this relationship will burn you and drain you.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Talk about? How I feel unloved and insecure and not good enough?
Author rebeccajones Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Im thinking of not contacting him or giving myself space doing my own thing until he tells me he wants a real relationship again. Mainly take a step back and get my life back put myself first.
Fufu Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Talk about the relationship on how to rebuild.. But I like your idea so much now, it's good that you make your decision to step away first until he is very sure of what he wants.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I told him a bit how I feel. He responded saying, "I'm sorry if you think that. We just start seeing each other after a long time and I just want take things easy, not in a rush." The thing is does he have no clue I would feel unsure not knowing where we stand?
doubtfulwonder Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I feel desperate and looking to him for all my happiness. Stop yourself from feeling this kind of desperation. Don't depend on him for all of your happiness. There are other things in life too that made you happy before right? You need to be happy with yourself first. I know being that he was an ex, you two had history before and maybe you are thinking about those memories. At the same time, think of this as a fresh start with him. As you quoted him, it has been a long time and sounds like it's good to take things slow. When reconciling, it's not always easy to jump back to where you last left off. Not saying that you are, but hope that makes sense. Also don't say things like you are not lovable and any other negative words to describe yourself. If you keep thinking badly, you'll end up becoming very drained especially emotionally. You are a lovable person. Be strong, be confident in YOU And if he can't see it, then someone else will. Good luck!
AuthenticBliss Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 You are placing far too much responsibility upon him. You are responsible for your own happiness, not him. If you want to be loved, be giving a lovable. Right now, you seem like a sponge, too needy. Men like to be wanted, but they don't like to feel the kind of pressure you are putting upon him. He probably doesn't want to express any feelings to you, because he would feel obligated.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 I understand what you guys are saying. I did tell him the problem could be solely mine. It's just that he makes plans with friends without me. We have only been talking again and seeing each other for a month. But I would probably invite him. He is not inviting me so I started thinking that I am not important to him. Although I know deep down I also feel unlovable but that is my problem and I am definitely working on it. I appreciate your feedback luckily he has still been receptive after I told him how I felt. Thank you again.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) How do I know he's not keeping me around while seeing if there is someone else out there for him? WE used to do everythig together and now he goes alone or with friends places w/o me. Edited April 29, 2011 by rebeccajones
Fufu Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Looks like this is trust and commitment issues. I actually like your idea of going NC. I think the best for you to do is to seek NC.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 I do understand what you mean. I am posting my worst fears. I'm not ready for NC yet because we've only been seeing each other a month. I don't know the future but I will give it a little time. Thank you for your input.
doubtfulwonder Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Yes give it some time, if you're willing to. Like I mentioned previously, it's not something you can jump back to where you guys left off. Give as much as you're getting from him so it won't feel like you're doing this this and that, but he isn't. Doing stuff together with his other friends might happen eventually. It's only been a month. One step at a time.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Give as much as your getting from him. I like that I'm trying to be a bit more selfish I don't want to care so much about what he is doing and be excited about what I'm doing. For today I'm working on it!
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