fofiffs Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Wow I can't believe I've made it this far. It's been exactly 2 yrs ago since that dreaded day when she left. So where do I stand, hmmm well to be honest with you guys i'm over her at least 99%. As for that 1% she still lingers in the back of my head from time to time. She was my first love, so it really did a lot of damage to me mentally when she left. But i've moved on, I've dated a lot and had countless one night stands. My only issue is now that when I get so close to starting a relationship with someone I end up bailing. I feel horrible because there have been a couple women that I have ended up hurting in this process. I know its not right but I don't do it on purpose. Take for example, the last woman I dated who is 35 was really into me, she's really beautiful, great job and has everything going for. I really liked her very much and even felt that I loved her. We dated casually for 2 months and did everything together, I really did want a relationship with her but once we got too close to each other, I started to feel grossed out and just felt like it wouldn't work. This has happened at least with 3 other women in the last two years. I know i'm not a bad person but lately i've been feeling that I am for hurting them. Maybe i'm still running from the issue when my ex had left me, at this point I really don't know what's wrong with me. Well thanks for reading I just wanted to vent..
9Lives Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Why the hell would you want to give these women the pain you have just experienced doesnt make sense to me. Why are you doing that? Is there a better way to handle this kind of stuff? I really dont understand
Author fofiffs Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Why the hell would you want to give these women the pain you have just experienced doesnt make sense to me. Why are you doing that? Is there a better way to handle this kind of stuff? I really dont understand You know honestly, I don't understand it myself. I'm not doing it on purpose. There could have been a potential relationship but the closer i've gotten that's when I start to back off. As much as I don't want to back off a potential relationship it just happens. The only reason I can think of is have become a commitment phobe. It's a horrible thing and I hate it. When my ex left me, I took all the advice I have read on here. I've been NC the past two years even though she's tried contacting me several time, took up hobbies, started going to church again, finished my bachelor's, met new people, and even landed me a great job. Before my ex, I was never like this nor do I want to be now. I don't want to hurt other people from the pain I experienced but it just happens. I guess I just need to take more time to myself and just reflect on my actions and just try to be a better person again. Maybe i'm still letting my past hold me back from truely being a better person
Fufu Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I guess your not emotionally ready to date.. and I think it's okay if you don't date for a period of time until you are ready to commit again. Even if you are not doing in purpose, the truth is you are still doing the hurting.
Rosa Tamora Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 HI there, Perhaps you should consider getting some help/ counselling? No doubt that relationship scarred you, but these other women you meet don't deserve it the hurt you're giving them. Some of them are probably decent. Seeking help might help you dig in, dig deep and help you find out what is holding you back. You , and everyone in this forum, deserve the chance to truly love and be loved back, right?
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