jeweleestar Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Rough day today. A lot of emotions, but I feel I am in a much better place than I was hours ago. I accidentally broke NC today (I know it sounds hard to believe but I sent a group email and didn't realize that he was still in the group). I personally didn't hear back from him, but he responded directly to a person (one of my friends that he has never met) that had responded to all. I think that sent me over the edge and even though I know I shouldn't have I sent an email to him saying how interesting it was that he could interact with MY friends but he couldn't interact with me, requested that he delete any evidence of communication with me and that I could not continue. The hours directly following that email I was tore up, 1. because he didn't respond (which I think deep down I wanted him to do) 2. because I felt weak and sent him a pissy email 3. the realization of the lies that were involved on his side, and 4. for me to be truthful in what I was saying I needed to sever all ties and interactions from that point on. 7 hours later, dinner and drinks with a couple of friends (where none of this was discussed because I am ashamed of the choices I made) I realize that even though I regret sending the email, I feel like a weight has been lifted. It may be temporary, but I have some pretty rotten feelings that I can think about when I start to miss him. I think I am missing the relationship more than I am missing him. It's my life to live and I have to work to reclaim it...
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Delete his email address from your contact list asap so it doesn't happen again. Don't beat yourself up. You feel like crap, but what's done is done. It isn't the end of the world.. Pick yourself up, put it out of your head and continue with NC.. It's going to be okay!!
Author jeweleestar Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Done, double checked, done. I deleted contact, but because it was in a group, the group didn't change. I feel better. Immediate aftermath was not so good, but I think the verbal vomit email actually made me feel better in the end. Thanks for the support...
Kismetly Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Rough day today. A lot of emotions, but I feel I am in a much better place than I was hours ago. I accidentally broke NC today (I know it sounds hard to believe but I sent a group email and didn't realize that he was still in the group). I personally didn't hear back from him, but he responded directly to a person (one of my friends that he has never met) that had responded to all. I think that sent me over the edge and even though I know I shouldn't have I sent an email to him saying how interesting it was that he could interact with MY friends but he couldn't interact with me, requested that he delete any evidence of communication with me and that I could not continue. The hours directly following that email I was tore up, 1. because he didn't respond (which I think deep down I wanted him to do) 2. because I felt weak and sent him a pissy email 3. the realization of the lies that were involved on his side, and 4. for me to be truthful in what I was saying I needed to sever all ties and interactions from that point on. 7 hours later, dinner and drinks with a couple of friends (where none of this was discussed because I am ashamed of the choices I made) I realize that even though I regret sending the email, I feel like a weight has been lifted. It may be temporary, but I have some pretty rotten feelings that I can think about when I start to miss him. I think I am missing the relationship more than I am missing him. It's my life to live and I have to work to reclaim it... Don't beat yourself up girl. This is tough stuff. I just got an e-mail from my former fella and not responding is an act of serious will! You are being very honest with yourself - which is half the battle - and you made a good choice to spend the evening with friends distracting yourself from the MM. Well done. :bunny: Tomorrow is another day. Keep at it!
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