youngskywalker Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 So have you? I've been inebriated with what I would call infatuation but I can't say I've ever fallen in love. What is it like and what are the signs to look for? I've been with this girl 4 months now and she tells me how much she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. On occasion we've even talked about marriage (in a fun, seductive type of way). You know, just testing the waters. This girl is wonderful and to be honest, if I don't take the bait then I don't think I could possibly find a better woman in my life. If I walk away from her then I should be content with being a bachelor life. Get what I'm saying? So how do you know if you are really in love with someone? If I spend the rest of my life with someone I want it to be the real deal with no regrets. Hopefully someone will have some insight to this. Cheers.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) If I want to spend the rest of my life with somebody I want it to be the real deal with no regrets. I would be careful with this statement. Love is what you make of it. For some people, the first time they and their SO fight, they begin to think, "Maybe he/she isn't my soul mate after all...maybe they aren't the real deal." True love is more about committment than anything else. You promise to always be there for them, and them for you. Even if you disagree, you should both always back each other up against the world. I believe that, over the course of a person's lifetime, he/she can fall in love with multiple people. Ok, I'm going to ramble now: I have fallen in love once. I would have gladly spent the rest of my life with him. Being around him put a smile on my face; holding his hand made me feel like I belonged. Unfortunately we decided to attend different universities and explore life more, and see how we would grow w/o each other. I truly believe we loved each other, even though we were young, but are just moving on to a different phase of life. We're still friends, although distance has drawn us apart. The last time I saw him, I feel like we both expected some chemistry to happen, which made us both nervous, so it was a bit awkward, and nothing happened. I feel like there is now a wall between us that wasn't there before. There was a "might have been," but I'm moving on. I do believe that I can fall in love again, with someone else. [/Code] Edited April 27, 2011 by BiscuitXOXO
daphne Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Love that isn't mere infatuation lasts beyond a year or so. And you want the best for that person, even if it means that you can't be together. Real love is unselfish.
Author youngskywalker Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 It was once said "love isn't something you receive, it's something you give." I agree with that for the most part. I know it's a tough question to ask what true love really is. My g/f and I have mutually decided that we need to be dating at least a year before we decide to take things to the next level. It's the safest path to take. Most importantly, you really don't get to know someone for who they really are until you invest your time... 4-8-12 months... whatever the number is. I hope I find love. I have everything else in life. Money (although I'm not a millionaire), job I like, family, friends, hobbies ect. but as the song goes........... unless you put a girl in it, it doesn't mean nothin.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 You have a great attitude I wish you the best!
daphne Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 She's a lucky girl that you put this much effort into her, and believe in love.
Author youngskywalker Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 She's a lucky girl that you put this much effort into her, and believe in love. Aww thanks! I just want to be a real man...
Feelin Frisky Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I'm not an expert so join me in some theorizing on the subject. The thing we call "romance" is not what we generally assume it to be. Romance is about "wanting"--wanting an ideal to be fulfilled--wanting what you hope someone to be--wanting what you may even believe them to be. All that changes when you change from "wanting" to actually "having" them. "Having" is where reality starts to set in that what you have is different than what you believed of this person. For some people this represents a sobering wake-up call where they question not only who the other person really is but question themselves for being so "moony" about this person before. In some cases however, the person they find that they now have actually lives up to the bleief and in some cases surpass the belief. This reconcilement with reality and the realization that you were justified in being "moony" (i.e. deep in a kind of love sickness) about the object of your affections is where romance becomes "true love". The issue becomes if "wanting" is critical to the feeling of romance, how do you continue to want someone when you already have them? I think the answer to how you continue to "want" them after you've found out what it's like to "have" them is to understand this dynamic as much as possible before hand so that you invest and spend wisely in the emotional relationship so that you don't over-spend or under-invest. A big difficulty is in finding someone else who you can really work with this way on these levels and not have it be some sort of intellectual exercise. I don't think people have to go around reaffirming the edges and boundaries of things to live them properly but even a little more than most of us do will add up to a lot more liklihood of happiness. As it stands now we receive no universal orientation to love, romance, wanting or having at all and more than half of all relationships become disappointments that leave scars because of this. I'm just thinking out loud on this but it seems to make sense to me. I hope it does to you too.
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