Kelemort Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I've been overweight throughout most of my life and back and forth on the scale...and I'm not talking "overweight," but "obese" according to the BMI scales. Most judge me to be chubby by appearances - and I can tell you that I think it's played a large part in the fact that I've only dated two people. I'm 23. I believe that my first boyfriend dated me because he wanted to be with anybody, and me being overweight - and therefore he assumed, the 'lesser' of the two of us (he was 6'3", 155 lbs.) - he liked it. I remember him once telling me, "I'm glad that you're heavier, because it means guys will look at you less." It was such an incredibly hurtful comment that I had no idea what to say to him. At the time, I was just a teenager and it was my first relationship and I didn't want to rock the boat. Now I recognize it for what it is: it was insecurity. He assumed I'd be less likely to cheat or leave because I was fat. I remember being relieved that one of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends was very, very overweight back when we were still just talking - it was my "in!" Hey, the guy had a history of dating heavy women. It worked out to my advantage. There were only a few times when he pissed me off about weight - we were in a restaurant one time and he criticized what I ordered because it had sugar/etc. on it. I interpreted it as him criticizing my looks and diet. He later mentioned that he just couldn't believe how much sugar/whipped cream/etc. was on what I ordered, and that was all he meant. I very firmly told him it was going to be the end of that, and I wasn't going to tolerate somebody making critical comments about what I choose to eat, especially if it's in a public place. It's not going to make me sit there and go, "You know what, you're right. Waitress, bring the asparagus instead!" It's going to make me look at the person across from me like they're an ass. An old co-worker was very interested in me and one time while we were out getting lunch together, he started referring to me as a "Dove girl." He went on to explain this stance and talk about my looks, and it's like, "All right, I really don't want you to be ranking my looks, as I know why you're doing this - it's because you think I'm fat, but you want to boost my self-esteem just enough to let me know you're into me, but you want to remind me that I'm fat so I won't leave." If you're interested in a girl and you're going to talk about her looks at ALL, It needs to be POSITIVE and ONLY positive. I'm sure she's going to be really enthralled with your descriptions of how you think her rolls are sexy, or how you think she's the most attractive butterbody you've ever met, etc. These backwards compliments NEVER work. Ultimately, in my experiences I've got to say that weight counts. If you're slightly overweight...no one's going to notice. Most people rank slightly overweight as 'normal' nowadays. But as you continually get past that, the more you start experiencing garbage from people and you start attracting insecure men. Has anybody ever seen Carnivale? I guess you could imagine my body type as sort of like Rita Sue's...just 20 pounds or so heavier, I'd imagine.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Yes. Especially good looking men. They only, only will look at thin women. And I mean, really thin and tall - model like figure. No ass, no extra flesh, no anything. And a model like face too. I've seen it all too often. I don't find women that look like that to be attractive one bit.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Could it be that you just go for the wrong types of men? I am trying to figure that out. BTW I like the new avatar
SmileFace Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I have never been thin and probably never would be. I have dated from a high of 300 pounds to my current weight of 165. I can truthfully say I get more attention at my current weight but that is only because I am better person now. I have more confidence(maybe too much), I smile more, I walk with my head up, I am more social, I communicate better. If I had these qualities at my higher wieght I am pretty sure I would have no problem dating then but I didn't. It doesnt matter your size. You can be rail thin or average, not everyone will be attracted to you and that is ok but believe me someone will be attracted to you. It is more about confidence and loving yourself. You can't expect every guy to like you. If you are rail thin, believe me you are cutting off many guys who may like you. Same if you are curvy. You just have to love yourself.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I am trying to figure that out. BTW I like the new avatar Lol, thanks. You're the third woman on here who's said that.
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I guess everyone has their preferences. I weight the same 120 pounds I have weighted since I am 18 despite being in my mid-forties. Can't help it, I love food but I don't put on weight and I am happy about my body. Guys who want big boobs and a big a$$ don't fancy me, that's a fact. But there have always been men who liked my body type. And don't be mistaken, I do have curves, just not huge in-your-face curves. I find myself very feminine.
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I guess everyone has their preferences. I weight the same 120 pounds I have weighted since I am 18 despite being in my mid-forties. Can't help it, I love food but I don't put on weight and I am happy about my body. Guys who want big boobs and a big a$$ don't fancy me, that's a fact. But there have always been men who liked my body type. And don't be mistaken, I do have curves, just not huge in-your-face curves. I find myself very feminine. That's one thing that bothers me, the notion that thin = no curves. Curves are just proportion. I have a 10" difference between my waist measurement and my hip measurement. As far as I know, that's a curve!
Enchanted Girl Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I've been overweight throughout most of my life and back and forth on the scale...and I'm not talking "overweight," but "obese" according to the BMI scales. Most judge me to be chubby by appearances - and I can tell you that I think it's played a large part in the fact that I've only dated two people. I'm 23. I believe that my first boyfriend dated me because he wanted to be with anybody, and me being overweight - and therefore he assumed, the 'lesser' of the two of us (he was 6'3", 155 lbs.) - he liked it. I remember him once telling me, "I'm glad that you're heavier, because it means guys will look at you less." It was such an incredibly hurtful comment that I had no idea what to say to him. At the time, I was just a teenager and it was my first relationship and I didn't want to rock the boat. Now I recognize it for what it is: it was insecurity. He assumed I'd be less likely to cheat or leave because I was fat. I remember being relieved that one of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends was very, very overweight back when we were still just talking - it was my "in!" Hey, the guy had a history of dating heavy women. It worked out to my advantage. There were only a few times when he pissed me off about weight - we were in a restaurant one time and he criticized what I ordered because it had sugar/etc. on it. I interpreted it as him criticizing my looks and diet. He later mentioned that he just couldn't believe how much sugar/whipped cream/etc. was on what I ordered, and that was all he meant. I very firmly told him it was going to be the end of that, and I wasn't going to tolerate somebody making critical comments about what I choose to eat, especially if it's in a public place. It's not going to make me sit there and go, "You know what, you're right. Waitress, bring the asparagus instead!" It's going to make me look at the person across from me like they're an ass. An old co-worker was very interested in me and one time while we were out getting lunch together, he started referring to me as a "Dove girl." He went on to explain this stance and talk about my looks, and it's like, "All right, I really don't want you to be ranking my looks, as I know why you're doing this - it's because you think I'm fat, but you want to boost my self-esteem just enough to let me know you're into me, but you want to remind me that I'm fat so I won't leave." If you're interested in a girl and you're going to talk about her looks at ALL, It needs to be POSITIVE and ONLY positive. I'm sure she's going to be really enthralled with your descriptions of how you think her rolls are sexy, or how you think she's the most attractive butterbody you've ever met, etc. These backwards compliments NEVER work. Ultimately, in my experiences I've got to say that weight counts. If you're slightly overweight...no one's going to notice. Most people rank slightly overweight as 'normal' nowadays. But as you continually get past that, the more you start experiencing garbage from people and you start attracting insecure men. Has anybody ever seen Carnivale? I guess you could imagine my body type as sort of like Rita Sue's...just 20 pounds or so heavier, I'd imagine. I will agree that being fatter means attracting men who are more insecure about themselves for the most part, but other than that, the men you dated were *******s. Since I was a teenager, I've weighed anywhere from 117-235 lbs. Ironically, I had no boyfriend at 117 and had one when I was 235. And no guy I ever dated ever picked on me about my weight. You know that even thin girls can get boyfriends who criticize them about what they eat and tell them to go to the gym. It's because they date *******s who only care about their body. I've had friends whose boyfriends tell them really mean things related to their weight who were much thinner than me although I've never been told the same.
Bertram Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 From what I gather talking to my friends, in general men prefer slim girls. I certainly do. Of course, this is not a very significant statistic. Also, by saying "thin" you are kinda skewing the results as that term has a slightly derogatory undertone and conjures images of unhealthily underweight girls. Here are some more meaningless statistics to entertain you.
VicJay79 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 MacGirl, I personally prefer thin girls. However, my dating history has shown that I have dated girls that were thin, average, and even over-weight. The sad reality is I am superficial and a girls build does play a role in my level of attraction. Your guy friend is correct, a girls face is very important. If the face isn't that great, but she has a smoking body that helps. If neither are in place, then its harder to build that physical attraction level. I think its important to understand, just like girls, guys want both attraction, and emotional chemistry. One can exist without the other, but its a lot harder.... A LOT harder. Vicjay I am an attractive, single woman, but like most of us, have insecurities. Do most men prefer a woman to be thin? Or does body size not really matter and personality is #1? I had a guy tell me once that the face is the most important physical feature and the body doesn't matter. Any opinions/comments?
Author JMacGirl26 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 Thank you for all the opinions and input! I guess I am having somewhat of a struggle right now with my confidence. When I was younger and even in my college years, I always was thin...very thin in high school, didn't even weigh 100 lbs when I graduated. About 5 yrs ago is when I really started to see my body change and I have put on weight. I've never known what it felt like to want to lose weight b/c I spent my life always wanting to gain weight and look like other girls who I deemed "normal." People would look at me and say "OMG she is sooo skinny." It gave me a complex for most of my life. Now I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I've put on weight and now that I'm single and in my early 40's, I find it hard to feel confident about my body and the extra weight. I know there are some men who couldn't care less about my size. Then, there are others who won't look twice. Funny how us women will love a man of any shape and size, yet we feel men will only like us if we have "perfect" bodies or look like models on TV. But by nature, men are physical beings and us women are emotional beings, so it makes sense. I
Lilmisus Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Really, it's to each their own. No matter how many people post on here their preferences, men that you meet in real life will have their own say on the matter. What I do know though, is that I have plenty of ultra thin friends (a couple who are professional models) who are just born skinny, and most guys wont consider dating them. One friend, who is extremely successful in the modeling business, has only had a couple boyfriends, since most guys wont give her a second glance. She's too tall and too skinny. Plus, many guys that I know, hate the idea of dating someone who is a stick figure and who look like they have an eating disorder. Some do enjoy that look (One friend wont date anyone who has any meat on her bones, his girlfriend is absolutely tiny) and only go after it, but most don't seem to. Other guys of course hate the idea of dating someone who is too big. Especially if they're smaller themselves. Personally, I love the weight I'm at, and love my shape, and most guys seem to like it as well, which is great since I've lost 45 pounds in the past 2 years due to health reasons, and now weigh the perfect weight for myself. But like I said, to each their own. Though, I'm not sure what you weigh, I don't think you have anything to worry about when it comes to your weight and dating. I personally don't think that you should try to lose or gain weight for a guy. If you diet or try to put on extra pounds, you should do it for yourself. That being said, I think you maybe should consider dieting (getting healthy), if it's bringing you down this much and making you worry, if for no other reason than for your health and your own well being.
StoneCold Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 nope lots of guys out there that like bigger women....there are also lots of guys out there that are indifferent in that dept but look to other things.
TheyCallMeBruce Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I am an attractive, single woman, but like most of us, have insecurities. Do most men prefer a woman to be thin? Or does body size not really matter and personality is #1? I had a guy tell me once that the face is the most important physical feature and the body doesn't matter. Any opinions/comments? This is definitely a matter of personal preference. My most recent ex was very thing: about 4'11" and 90-95 lbs. However, the girl that I'm actively pursuing now is much curvier, which is really my preference. All the other girls I ever have dated have been, for the most part, reasonably curvaceous. And yes, a pretty face (especially with good skin) can be a huge mitigating factor if a girl's body isn't great.
threebyfate Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Thank you for all the opinions and input! I guess I am having somewhat of a struggle right now with my confidence. When I was younger and even in my college years, I always was thin...very thin in high school, didn't even weigh 100 lbs when I graduated. About 5 yrs ago is when I really started to see my body change and I have put on weight. I've never known what it felt like to want to lose weight b/c I spent my life always wanting to gain weight and look like other girls who I deemed "normal." People would look at me and say "OMG she is sooo skinny." It gave me a complex for most of my life. Now I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I've put on weight and now that I'm single and in my early 40's, I find it hard to feel confident about my body and the extra weight. I know there are some men who couldn't care less about my size. Then, there are others who won't look twice. Funny how us women will love a man of any shape and size, yet we feel men will only like us if we have "perfect" bodies or look like models on TV. But by nature, men are physical beings and us women are emotional beings, so it makes sense. IIf it bothers you, why not lose the weight? From the sounds of it, you feel optimum when you're thinner so opting for a healthier lifestyle can only be beneficial to you. It's solely a matter of calories in, calories out and a consistent exercise program. Even your mind will thank you for it from the perspective of stress and anxiety relief!
jlwelch Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Appearance is important for both sexes. If a Chris Farley looking fellow came up and tried to make a move you probably wouldn't like it would you? I heard one girl mention a guy with an eye condition such that his iris was black like his pupils and she felt creeped out by him as a result. The truth is, both genders care a lot about appearance. If a guy is ugly, he will be considered a creep for trying and she would never even get to see his personality at all. It really isn't altogether different for men except that we don't get creeped out, we just don't want to.
willma Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I am a happily married, 44 year-old guy, and have a beautiful, loving wife of 24 years. Having said that, bodies change with time. That's life. I know my wife has her stereotypical low self-esteem issues like most women. I have yet to truly understand it, though...off topic. Personally, most men do not prefer skinny or obese for the simple reason that it portrays the person as "unhealthy". Someone who appears to be fit and healthy is very attractive. Guys typically like seeing women that have some shape to their arms, legs, butt, etc. Dieting to extremes without maintaining muscle mass significantly detracts from the beautiful female form. Scrawny arms, bony shoulders, skinny legs and butts...it is quite a turn-off. Now, having said that, women should have a little "jiggle" to their butts and breasts when they walk. It is definitely an attention grabber. So, the bottom line is, all things in moderation. A good diet and exercise program that includes some resistance/weight training will go a long way towards giving you a nice healthy appearance. Really, in the long run, that is all we want. We don't want to grow old with a scrawny, frail woman, nor do we want to deal with all the health issues of someone that is obese. Somewhere in the middle is just right. We just want you to be healthy and happy.
Kelemort Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I'm in a relationship with someone who has a port wine stain that covers a large portion of his face. I think it's an attractive feature. Back when we first started dating, I was worried I might stare too much at it and offend him. I don't even notice it or think about it now. Some folks have made comments about it, but generally people have been very understanding. I would date a heavier guy. That has never bothered me. I'm not huge and I'm pretty active, so I'd prefer to be with someone of a similar lifestyle. I don't want a gigantic couch potato for a partner. But an overweight partner, or even 'obese,' wouldn't bother me. I think men tend to be much stricter about looks than women do. How many fat guys do you see with really thin women...versus the other way around? Not often. (I'm an exception).
TheLoneSock Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Thin to average (as in no extra doe where it is unnecessary), not overweight. If you're naturally curvy and you can pull it off (and I mean truly curvy, not just fat with the hopes of being able to fall under curvy) then you'd be fine too. Of course there are some guys out there who prefer a little chub or whatever, that's fine. There's a reason the most attractive females are either thin or at least average though. Simple as that.
Kelemort Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 It's the spirit of the times. 200 years ago, a fat woman was considered very attractive. Today, it's different. The cultural meanings and importance behind the weight has changed. People are conditioned to find healthy partners - today, most men are probably turned off to overweight women because they know about its dangers, because society blasts heavier women and because men could be ridiculed for dating someone 'unattractive.' Biology plays a role as well - women somewhere between 'thin' and 'fat' are probably healthiest - but right now, curvy is in' and someday it will be something else. Back to the heroin chic of the early '90s, I guess. I've been at the table when someone's getting cajoled for dating/sleeping with/marrying an overweight woman.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Funny how us women will love a man of any shape and size, yet we feel men will only like us if we have "perfect" bodies or look like models on TV. I think men tend to be much stricter about looks than women do. How many fat guys do you see with really thin women...versus the other way around? Not often. (I'm an exception). I disagree. I feel women are just as picky as men. Maybe not that "he has to be a model!" But just like men, we want our partners to fulfill certain physical criteria. I have seen about the same number of big guys with thin women and larger women with thin guys. However, the larger women had pretty faces. Beauty>size, I think. And I'm sure the big guys had other things going for them too.
AD1980 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I think men tend to be much stricter about looks than women do. How many fat guys do you see with really thin women...versus the other way around? Not often. (I'm an exception). lol such garbage women are just as into looks as Men are if not more Plus as far as body type id say Men like allot of different types where most women wont date Men under a certain height no matter what
AD1980 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I think men tend to be much stricter about looks than women do. How many fat guys do you see with really thin women...versus the other way around? Not often. (I'm an exception). lol such garbage women are just into looks as Men are Plus as far as body type id say Men like allot of different types where most women wont date Men under a certain height no matter what
TheLoneSock Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 It's the spirit of the times. 200 years ago, a fat woman was considered very attractive. Today, it's different. The cultural meanings and importance behind the weight has changed. People are conditioned to find healthy partners - today, most men are probably turned off to overweight women because they know about its dangers, because society blasts heavier women and because men could be ridiculed for dating someone 'unattractive.' Biology plays a role as well - women somewhere between 'thin' and 'fat' are probably healthiest - but right now, curvy is in' and someday it will be something else. Back to the heroin chic of the early '90s, I guess. Curvy is not in. Attractive and healthy is in. Just because people thought Kim Kardasian was all that for a minute doesn't mean curvy women are it, that's just simple minded thinking. For some reason society is getting used to women being fat and it is becoming more acceptable - it's not, and quality men will continue to pursue fitter women. The exception doesn't make the rule.
AD1980 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Curvy is not in. Attractive and healthy is in. Just because people thought Kim Kardasian was all that for a minute doesn't mean curvy women are it, that's just simple minded thinking. For some reason society is getting used to women being fat and it is becoming more acceptable - it's not, and quality men will continue to pursue fitter women. The exception doesn't make the rule. Kim is far from fat
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