Dazdnconfuzed Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 In dating emotionally immature people, what are the negatives, pitfalls and obvious signs of this immaturity? Please be more descriptive then "mind games" because even people who are stable play those frrom time to time. If you can please state examples of such behavior.
Disillusioned Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 My experience with emotionally immature people is that they're almost all tactless. Telling it like it is, is something that has to be done discreetly. Emotionally immature people just blurt it out (even if they're telling it like it ain't). Usually that's the first giveaway... try to break it off gently with them before they progress to having tantrums.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 http://www.helium.com/items/1505193-signs-of-emotional-immaturity
Kelemort Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 In dating emotionally immature people, what are the negatives, pitfalls and obvious signs of this immaturity? Please be more descriptive then "mind games" because even people who are stable play those frrom time to time. If you can please state examples of such behavior. My ex-boyfriend did many things that were immature across the board...instead of separating them all out, I'm just going to detail the immaturity and some indications I saw that made me really go, "Y'know, this guy ain't all together..." 1. Friends who are significantly younger. When I was dating my ex, we spanned in age from 19 - 21. When we first started dating, many of his friends were as young as 14 or 15. Obviously as you get older, this isn't that big of a deal - but for a 19-year-old guy to be hanging out with a 14-year-old boy is a bit of a headscratcher. 2. A lack of empathy for you. You're driving him around and you mention that you don't have enough gas to get to work the next day. He acknowledges this information. He says he has money...and is right up until you get to the end location. He gets out of the car and doesn't give you anything. Or worse yet, after sending you miles and miles out of your way, he hands you a dollar, smiles, and walks off. My ex literally did this to me...when gas was more than $4/gallon...and I had driven him 15 miles further than I expected. I had warned him about needing gas money, too. 3. Other people have to help him with everything. Getting his car fixed. Handling his college loans, paperwork. Applying for a job. His mama's way more involved in his life and his affairs than a parent of someone older than 18 should be. He can't do anything unattended. He always needs help. 4. He blames you for all of your problems. When you bring up a problem that he's contributing to - or that he's caused entirely - he just grows defensive and claims that you blame him for everything, or that it's just not that big of a deal. He might even turn it around and pin it all on YOU. After my ex dumped the girlfriend after me, she wrote me telling me all about how he would always blame her for everything, and when she had a complaint about their relationship, it always ended up being her fault. Some people never change. 5. He has complaints about your personality/how you do things. For my ex, it was always ripping me about not being spontaneous enough. But he wasn't spontaneous, either. In fact, he was very much nothing, as I ended up paying for everything/carting him around everywhere/coming up with date ideas/etc. They want to take everything out of the relationship, but always have a complaint when you aren't doing more, more more. I don't mean to say that if he has a complaint about you at all, he's emotionally immature - that's not true at all. But I think immature people expect you to fill EVERY void for them and even if they're not pulling their weight at all, they expect you to do better and better. That's where the immaturity comes in. 6. They do things purposely to make you jealous. This might be flirting with another girl or even cheating on you, and then rubbing it in your face. They might play up how good-looking they are, how intelligent, etc. 7. They criticize your appearance. For my ex, this was telling me, "I'm glad you're heavier because it means other guys won't look at you as much." 8. Getting jealous or possessive over the time that you give to other people. My ex would make plans with me, then act like we never had when I'd call him the next day to follow through. He HATED it when I would play with my cousin (who was 2 at the time). He'd grab my arm, huff and take off. He'd never interact with my cousin. That came to be the dealbreaker for me, as I treat my cousin like he's my own child. The ex was so jealous and possessive of me that he thought that every second of my time with him should be spent solely focused on him. He would also call me 10 - 20 times in a row if I was out with one of my friends - especially my gay best friend. That was something we had discussed before we started going out, but he never trusted my friend. He'd even try to come up with innovative ways to exclude my friend! When my friend was over, he went out of his way to show me physical affection, kissing me, etc. The fact was he was terrified I was sleeping with my friend, and he wanted to make sure I stayed with him. 9. Tantrums and outbursts. I could never bring up a genuine argument or complaint, because my ex would always shut it down by bursting into tears or having some kind of outburst. That shut down all meaningful communication, because then of course like a good girlfriend I was -expected- to pamper him and make him feel better and take back all the nasty, mean, cruel, true things I said. 10. They make wild or groundless accusations. My ex once told me he was 'convinced' that I was sleeping with my gay best friend. For no reason other than that he felt like it. At the time, I told him that it was RIDICULOUS - I saw my friend once or so a week, and he was GAY. I'd even met his boyfriend. Plus, we went to college together, so of course we saw each other. When I broke up with my ex, he apparently went on a rampage about what a whore and slut I was, and how I had cheated on him. Based on nothing but his own insecurities! He assumed that because I wouldn't answer his bajillion phone calls in a row every time I was out with my friend, it was proof I was cheating. In reality, I just wasn't going to condone controlling behavior. In reality, I never so much as flirted with another man while I was with him. God knows I wanted to, but throughout that year and a miserable half, I was entirely faithful. If I think of more that I encountered later on, I'll add 'em. But I think that's a good starting list. Groundless jealousy, insecurity and sometimes low self-esteem all play into emotional immaturity.
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