jonny78 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Hey everyone, really bad day for me today, please read to give me advice, or to take advice if your new to NC or a breakup. Here is the background story to my situation http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3311657#post3311657 ... But yeah, I have been NC for 3 months now, I have not initiated any contact, nor have I received any. About a week ago, I received a phonecall from a blocked number, I answered it but the phone was immediately hung up, I put it down to a mistake or whatever and didn't think twice about it. Today I received another, about an hour ago, I figured it couldn't be telemarketing etc due to the time (It was nearly 10:00pm) so my mind started racing and got the best of me, could this be my ex calling? does she miss me but she's too scared to contact? .... Well, as I found out, probably not lol... I have had no idea about her life for 3 months, not one idea, and NC has been pretty easy because of that. BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE ANYBODY IS TO REMOVE FACEBOOK. But today I caved, I was so curious to see what she had been up to, all it took was a call from a blocked number, the smallest 'crumb' possible, jesus christ it probably wasn't even her! and it did this to me, I thought I was over her, clearly I have a long way to go. I have always kept hope that she would contact me, purely to show that she ever cared. I never blocked her number, or e-mail ... I guess I was kinda expecting to hear from her at some stage. So about an hour ago, I checked her facebook ... I don't have facebook anymore, but my brother does, and had never got round to removing her profile (he doesn't use the site much) ... I used his account. Absolutely the most hardest thing I've put myself through in my entire life, it was the most stupid thing I could have done. Latest updates? Pictures of the holiday they just took together. Pictures of them together with mutual friends 'liking' and commenting. Jokes about how much they are in 'love' and how 'whipped' the lad is with her. Pictures of both of their 21st birthdays together. Pictures of them together at the zoo I once took her too. Just an absoulte disaster. It's my own fault, I know. Hey, atleast it's removed any last glimor of hope that I had about .... anything. I have removed her off my brothers facebook. I have set up my phone to block any communication from her number, and from blocked or witheld numbers. I have set up my email to automatically delete any communication from her email. I can't emphasise to anybody on this site implementic no contact, how essential removing sites such as facebook and giving up hope of them ever coming back is. I am not back to stage 1, but I am hurting. I can't believe how cold the girl I once loved is, I feel sick, though I implemented NC and I've done pretty much everything right since implementing it, It seems as though I've lost everything and she's the happiest she's ever been. Nobody knows my above feelings but me, I put on a good sharade when I'm out and about I hope this is the reality check I need to fix me inside. I have to admit this whole situation has crushed me, I have lost my faith in almost everything, god, karma... Now that I have lost all hope I hope that I can heal for good this time. Thanks for reading, Jonny.
bl22 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Hey buddy I dont post on here much anymore but i stil like to browse the forums from time to time. I can just say I did the EXACT same thing as you. I did it a few days before christmas I remember...stupidly checked her facebook after around 3 months NC also. What I saw was everything youve just described...what did i do ...DELETED FACEBOOK straight away. Trust me it was the best thing ive done in a long time. No longer can she keep any sort of tabs on me, no longer am i competing to show I'm happy without her, or trying to hide the fact I'm not. I know how your feeling right now, when it happened to me, I rememebr not getting out of bed for nearly a week (serious) and I completely missed christmas eve, christmas, boxing day, new years eve and new years day being depressed. Honestly it was like them days never happened, and I had nightmares about what I saw every time I would fall asleep. I couldnt eat and couldnt sleep at the time...but This lasted for around 2 weeks... until my mind got used to the fact that...'hey, shes a pretty heartless bitch to do something like that...I was with her literally 3 months prior, 2 great fantastic years, and shes got pictures like that up of her and the new guy within 3 months.' Honestly dude, shes not worth it. You're worth so much better than that...and I honestly believe they are slowly but surely going downhill whilst we on the other hand have already hit rock bottom. We know what rock bottom feels like and the only way is up from now on. I stil think of my ex from time to time, but I no longer feel pain over her. You will get there, I slowly but surely am. I do believe they will regret their actions when there 'new love (whatever the **** you wanna call it) wears off' especially if you had a close intimate relationship like I did with my ex. Let this be a lesson to you, any last remainder of hope is now gone and you can really truly look forward to a brand new pain free life. My advice...set goals...short term and long term. Become fixated on reaching those goals, and dont ever give up. Never look back and look to improve your life in all areas you feel need work. Nows the time for YOU. And when the next girl comes along, you'll be ready, better prepared and ready to love again.
bl22 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258230/ here was my post about it
hellon Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Sounds kinda like my story, too. It's been almost 5 weeks since I checked my ex's FB and saw pics of him sucking face with another girl (about 2 months after we really broke things off), and went NC. Ugh. Gag. It's the WORST feeling. But honestly it's the reality check I needed to start moving on, myself. I definitely won't be contacting him ever again, and I'm starting to feel better every day. You'll start to feel better soon too.
Bateman Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Sounds kinda like my story, too. It's been almost 5 weeks since I checked my ex's FB and saw pics of him sucking face with another girl (about 2 months after we really broke things off), and went NC. Ugh. Gag. It's the WORST feeling. But honestly it's the reality check I needed to start moving on, myself. I definitely won't be contacting him ever again, and I'm starting to feel better every day. You'll start to feel better soon too. It sounds like you have accepted it. It really is a critical thing to moving on. I know how important it is. Sure, you can tell yourself over and over again that you have accepted that they are gone for good but it won't help unless you actually feel it. Then you can start healing. I hate facebook now. I wish everyone would just delete their accounts. What good could passively letting everyone know about the details of your life do? It's not who you are. It's not how you feel. It's a waste of time. This is the case for everyone. Just because they seem happy in their pictures does not mean they really are happy. People hide things...a lot of things from everyone else. Would you put a picture of you crying yourself to sleep on facebook? no.
Katt22 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I could never have predicted that something as stupid as facebook would be such an efficient tool to torture myself. It wasn't as absolutely soul-crushing as what you saw, basically I would just look at his picture and cry. Hope can be so cruel. I guess I'm a believer in "its get worse before it gets better", which is so lame and cliche I know. I still have this knee jerk expectation every time my phone goes off that its going to be him. It never is and I die a little inside. But it has to get easier, little by little it gets less intense. Until one day it just doesn't hurt anymore because it just cant, you've hurt all you can about it. Take it a day at a time and don't agonize about it, or at least try.
Rosa Tamora Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Hi Jonny!! Delete it, delete it and block it! You know if you don't block this person you will always be curious and go back and check. Maybe talk to a friend and tell them to stop you from checking her FB. Or, post on here, we'll help smack some sense into you. I deleted my ex from my FB account last week. Well, no, at first I just edited myt privacy settings because I didn't have the heart to delete him "What if I miss him and want to see what he's up to". Then I thought "What the heck for?! It's not like he's investing time in me!" Now I don't even look at it, I don't have to see anything related to him. Out of sight, and soon enough out of mind!! Right? Right. You might slip every now and then, but you know, it's OK, everyone will slip. Half the good folks on here have broken NC about 3 times before sticking to it for good, so the fact you kept NC for 3 months is actually really AWESOME! Ok, i hope this helped! You WILL get over her, let her suck face with whoever else, you are worthy of a greater love. You did all this: I have removed her off my brothers facebook. I have set up my phone to block any communication from her number, and from blocked or witheld numbers. I have set up my email to automatically delete any communication from her email. So...GOOD for you! You're on your way man!! We're cheering for ya! Now, chin UP.
Author jonny78 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 bl22 - thankyou so much for your words, it helps a lot knowing that other people have been through this - and you for example, seem to have come out just fine I read through the post you linked and I could take the advice given to you for myself, so thankyou for that, you got me about 20 replies ha! hellon - thankyou for your response, yes it is a reality check and that's a great attitude. bateman -i like your analogy of facebook, and i completely agree - i have not missed facebook one bit since deleting my account 3 months ago. katt22 - thankyou for your response and caring, i am sorry that you are going through this also. EVERYBODY - do you want to know the funniest thing? i'm actually feeling a lot better about it all today, yesterday was a shock... but in all honesty i kinda knew what i was going to see, i think overall it will help me. but get this... it's been 3 months NC, and the first time i checked facebook yesterday on my brothers account, i know FOR SURE that she has not been friend requested by the account, and i no longer have facebook... so this is a very strange coincidence... she text me today (clearly my block didn't work) and it said "have you just added me on facebook?" ... 3 months waiting for an apology, for answers, to show any signs of humanity and i get that! ha, completely no idea why i got sent it, it really just is a coincidence - i didn't reply and deleted the text, if anything it annoyed me. any ideas anyone :S maybe i should just chalk it off and not dwell on it, onward and upward! thanks for your replies
radiodarcy Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 oh yes - - i know too well the pain that fb can cause after a break-up. in my case i deleted him off fb shortly before going NC. we had agreed to be friends. but i loved (and still do love him) and couldn't handle seeing all the flirty posts between him and other girls. that was back in november - - and while i broke NC back in feb (i am now 7 weeks back into NC) i have not looked at his fb since i deleted him. the pain was just too great. and i know it would be far worse now as he has a gf. seeing the posts between him and other girls was bad enough but to see pictures and posts between him and that special someone? no thank you. i have not deleted my fb but i rarelly ever go on there - - not even to look at my own and my life is much less stressful without it. ignorance really is bliss!
hellon Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 That is really weird- especially if you don't have an account. Unless she was somehow able to see info/pics that she wasn't before, but still... But that is also a pretty lame text after all that time, and it's actually GOOD that you were annoyed by it! Congrats for not responding.
EmperorR Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 You don't have to delete Facebook a good block and delete is just as good. Checking an exes Facebook page will bring you nothing but pain
heartbroken555 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 jonny ! you just saved my life, my ex dumped me like a worthless piece of **** 3 month ago, and just a day before, she told me she could never leave me because she loved me so much. a month later she goes to cuba and comes back posting all kinds of pics with guys, and wearing short shorts, and in her sexy bikini ( she would never post pics like that before, its as if she wanted to piss me off, or hurt me,, like see what your missing !! WTF !! i never treated her bad !!!) and looking all happy n stuff...it killed me, because while she was in cuba flirting and getting drunk on the beach, i was at home crying like a ****en wuss !! after 3 month i sent her a email asking if it was really over or if we could meet and talk, and she said it was, and that she met someone else, and even told me : hey you told me yourself, that if i meet another guy and kiss or do anything with him, its over right ? well lets not lie to ourselves here, i did ! ) she also had the nerve to tell me to moove on, and that once i do, we could meet for a cup of coffe...LOL...funny, you think after all that heartbreak when i do move on ill still want to see you???? i blocked her on fb and its been 3 weeks of nc. but i sometimes live with the hope of getting her back, and told myself i would add her in 3 month from now to show her how much iv worked on myself, hitting the gym, loosing weight, ect, to talk to her and try to rekindle the romance....but after reading your post i dont think ill do that LOL... actually i think ill never talk to her again in my life after what she has done to me... heartless betrayal !! i wonder how they live with themselves !! i would never hurt anybody like that in my life !!! its just so sad that she seemed to have mooved on and is happier now, and that i am not...she even told me in her last email that has now better grades, and hit the gym more often...as if shes trying to say i was slowing her down.. hey i personaly believe in god and judgment day, so even if she never regrets it during her life time, one day she will pay for the hurt she put me through !! I still wake up somtimes in the morning and i still cant believe she would do that to me !! i have never hurt her !!! she just claims she wasnt happy anymore, and that it was boring !! go F yourself !!!
bl22 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 jonny ! but i sometimes live with the hope of getting her back, and told myself i would add her in 3 month from now to show her how much iv worked on myself, hitting the gym, loosing weight, ect, to talk to her and try to rekindle the romance....but after reading your post i dont think ill do that LOL... yeh dont bother readding her, you will hurt and she will view you as desperate and weak. time to ignore her completely and work on yourself
heartbroken555 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 its like a drug...you still want the high, but then you know its not good for you so you have to follow your brain, and not your heart, no im happy i read this today, ill never add that bitch again... did i forget to mention that i moved to an apartment, that is 30 miles away from where i use to live before, in a city where i didnt know anyone, just to be closer to her ? and she was really happy about it because we would see each other all the time !!! ? then 2 weeks later she dumps me....and im left in that apartment, 2 streets down her house, far far away from my friends, my family and everything i know ?? lol...
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