Ignorance is bliss...and the details that come out after a breakup.

[dextm]

5 months into our wonderful, happy relationship, my coworker/gf told me her ex (first lover) was going away and wanted to see her one last time. She had been ignoring him for 7 straight years but somehow felt compelled to see him this one time for closure and unanswered questions (he screwed her over royally). I made her choose between us, she contemplated for days, and ultimately chose me. But really, it shouldn't have gone to that...

 

I lost some trust, questioned her a bit, and our relationship slowly deteriorated from that point. We stopped loving each other as much, and I made more stupid, silly mistakes. I stopped trying as hard. We broke up 2 months later, and she immediately went to the ex for consolation for a few weeks.

 

We eventually got back together for another 5 months. I once again made her choose between the ex or me and she chose me. I made her promise NC with the ex regardless of what happens. I asked if I could monitor her emails and text message but she said no...that made me lose some trust once again but I still went with it because I needed someone. We broke up at the end of January 2011 for good. She asked for an indefinite break, I asked why not just breakup, and so she dumped me.

 

I begged and pleaded 2 weeks later like a desperate fool but that got me nowhere. So I NC'ed for ~2 months, having minimal contact and not initiating anything. It was tough, but I thought I got over her and eventually agreed to help her with something very important that no one else could do. I did it out of my own kindness, but I really shouldn't have. That sparked a little comeback and we hung out together a few more times, but nothing romantic or serious...just good friends.

 

2 days ago, we hung out, and she MSNed me at night confessing some terrible things. She hung out with the ex 5 months into our relationship for "friendship", and did so many times behind my back. She even lied to my face a few times and I believed her. I always had my suspicions and mistrusts but I never thought they would become true. And she blamed it on me because I was a bastard and I was a terrible bf.

 

I have no idea how to react right now. Emotional infidelity is still cheating no?

[cdeyoung]

consistent lying means she has no respect for you. my ex girlfriend lied to me so many times, it's not even funny. she told me she'd never cheat on me... that was a lie. she told me she loved me with all her heart and wanted to get married... that was a lie, and the list goes on.

 

fact of the matter is, you cant let her treat you like that. if you know you were a good boyfriend, then that's all that matters. let her continue to try and put you down because she's feeling guilty cause that's what it's all about - her guilt.

[dextm]

It's quite sad because she talked about marriage, kids, moving out together, etc. even though we were nowhere close to any of that...

 

I was a great bf in the first 4-5 months, but I wasn't the best boyfriend after that. We both agree with that. But that gives her no excuse to go behind my back. If I was so bad, she should have broken up with me much sooner. Now she's blaming me for screwing things up, playing scared, and not giving it my all (due to mistrust) which led her to go to him......but the thing is, she had already gone to him anyways!