iris219 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I went on a sort of date the other night. (I say sort of because it was with an acquaintance I’ve known for about 6 years.) He had originally invited me to his house, to which I said no, I’d rather go out. So we went and had a couple of drinks. Now he’s inviting me to his house again. He’s offering to make dinner. Am I the only one who has a major problem with this? I don’t want to go sit at some guy’s house if I’m not dating him. I want to go out. If I wanted to sit in a house, I’d sit in my own in PJ’s with no make-up on. I’ve had guys do this in the past as well. One of the last guys I “dated” (using the term loosely) did the same thing, and it was the reason I stopped seeing him. We went out twice, and then he only wanted me to come to his house (which I won’t do in the beginning stages of dating). It’s simply not fun for me. For me, part of the fun of dating is getting out and seeing how the other operates in public and around people, and doing memorable things or going memorable places. Going out helps build the foundation of a relationship. Why do guys do this? Are they trying to get me into their lair so they can make a move? Are they cheap? Are they not really into me? I’m trying to understand the reasoning behind it. Ladies, would you have a problem with this as well?
ReadyforLove Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Yes, I have a problem with house dates and have always turned them down while getting to know someone. If a guy doesn't want to spend his money and court me to get to know me then I'm not the girl for him. Harsh, but true.
Star Gazer Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I recently had an activity-based date with someone. Towards the end, he invited me back to his house to get a drink. I declined but suggested we go out again soon within the week. He seemed almost irritated/annoyed that I didn't go back to his house. The whole situation was a turn off to me.
Rinnix Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I feel the same way. I much rather be outside, especially in the spring & summer! I don't like being cooped up inside, it's what I do when I'm home. I feel much more comfortable going to someones home after I am exclusive with them (or at least been on quite a few dates with them.)
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I went on a first date with a guy few months ago and really liked him. However, for the second date he invited me to his house. I REALLY wanted to see him but was uncomfortable with the setup. Against my better judgment, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and went. He ended up putting moves on me pretty quickly and trying to escalate to sex. I stopped him and we kept on watching the DVD. He tried 2 more times. After the third time I stopped him, I got fed up and left (I told him I am not ready for sex the first time). I never heard from him again. Men know that women would rather be taken out. But ones looking for sex only, don't really care so they try their luck.
Sabali Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 The way I look at it is that your date is with me...not the park, not the bar, not the dance floor and not the restaurant. I am the party, baby. I expect you to enjoy yourself no matter where you are with me. I will bring it in your home, my home, your mother's home, in the sewer, on the plane and in the barracks. With that said, I am aware that a woman may not be comfortable with coming to my place at the beginning stages of dating so I will not suggest unless there are obvious signs that she definitely wouldn't mind being there. I would rather be out myself because I enjoy outdoors stuff as well. My thoughts are that a guy who suggest his place too early is not necessarily trying to get into your panties that night but maybe just not good with coming up with fun dates so he goes for a something default. He is not automatically evil or anything.
Jazzari Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 My first date was with a guy who lives 8 hours away. I was nervous but agreed to stay with him at his vacation home for a weekend. He was a perfect gentleman the entire time. We did not go out but stayed in the whole weeked. No sex, just getting to know each other, cuddling and some make out sessions. Best weekend ever. We've gone out a few times since then, but I really prefer to stay in. I'm not much of a party or social girl and I hate going out to dinner. I much prefer hanging out with a pizza at home and doing outdoor activities during the day. Thankfully, we seem to be matched that way.
sagetalk Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 but maybe just not good with coming up with fun dates so he goes for a something default. He is not automatically evil or anything. If he can't come up with fun dates he is evil to some women. Learn this lesson now or the hard way.
djhall Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 What if the guy is just a homebody? Maybe the "home date" is more representative of who they are than taking you somewhere they would never go if they were alone or in a relationship already and no longer trying to impress a new date?
Sabali Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 If he can't come up with fun dates he is evil to some women. Learn this lesson now or the hard way. Of course. It was a euphemism for being "boring" but you just had to clearly bust the guy out, didn't you? In any event, my point is that a guy who suggests a home date is not necessarily trying to have sex with a woman. He can just be a homebody or just plain boring.
Sabali Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 What if the guy is just a homebody? Maybe the "home date" is more representative of who they are than taking you somewhere they would never go if they were alone or in a relationship already and no longer trying to impress a new date? Didn't read your post before I posted but this really expands on the idea of being a homebody or just boring or whatever. Really, a lot of guys don't have evil intentions when they invite you to their home.
Author iris219 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I will bring it in your home, my home, your mother's home, in the sewer, on the plane and in the barracks. That's funny! I guess some guys sincerely think hanging out at their house is a fantastic offer because you get to be in their presence. So I guess it's not always about sex, but I think Eternal Sunshine's example might be pretty typical. I'm not a big going out person either, which is what makes going out and doing things I don't normally do with someone new exciting. Do you think I should simply explain my position to this guy? I’m willing to be a little more lenient because I have known him (though not well) for several years. I’m thinking of explaining how I feel and offering a compromise: Dinner at his house, drinks out afterwards. How does that sound?
Sabali Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Do you think I should simply explain my position to this guy? I’m willing to be a little more lenient because I have known him (though not well) for several years. I’m thinking of explaining how I feel and offering a compromise: Dinner at his house, drinks out afterwards. How does that sound? No. I think you should show up at my place instead. I have roaches that will serve you wine and cheese while I rub your feet. Your mouth is just watering, isn't it? If you would like to take me up on my offer at a later date instead and accept that guy's offer now you should take something into consideration. If you start off on the foot of home dates, you are setting this up to be easily offered as a date in the long run. If you are a homebody and this is ok with you then go for it. If you like to hang out outdoors enough then tell him that you would rather go out and enjoy the outdoors. I would see how he is when he is out and see if he is any fun. This is probably not the same as the above poster who had a nice twist on her first date at some vacation spot home.
Lilmisus Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I personally have no issue with going to the house for a date. Before my ex and I became a couple, I spent many days just at his house, on the couch, watching tv and eating takeout. We talked, got to see what the other person liked when it came to music/shows/movies, and it was better than going out when neither of us had the money for it. The third day in a row that he tried to get me to stay at his house though (after seeing each other for a couple of weeks), I forced him out, and we went out and about to enjoy the nice weather. He didn't try to make a move on me once, and they turned out to be some pretty nice dates...some of the best we had..which isn't saying much.
Author iris219 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I personally have no issue with going to the house for a date. Before my ex and I became a couple, I spent many days just at his house, on the couch, watching tv and eating takeout. We talked, got to see what the other person liked when it came to music/shows/movies, and it was better than going out when neither of us had the money for it. The third day in a row that he tried to get me to stay at his house though (after seeing each other for a couple of weeks), I forced him out, and we went out and about to enjoy the nice weather. He didn't try to make a move on me once, and they turned out to be some pretty nice dates...some of the best we had..which isn't saying much. You're very young (if I remember correctly). I think hanging out at someone's house is normal then. It's not so normal at my age. I'm 32, he's 34, and we can both afford to go out.
Anxiety Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I personally have no issue with going to the house for a date. Before my ex and I became a couple, I spent many days just at his house, on the couch, watching tv and eating takeout. We talked, got to see what the other person liked when it came to music/shows/movies, and it was better than going out when neither of us had the money for it. The third day in a row that he tried to get me to stay at his house though (after seeing each other for a couple of weeks), I forced him out, and we went out and about to enjoy the nice weather. He didn't try to make a move on me once, and they turned out to be some pretty nice dates...some of the best we had..which isn't saying much. Thats how things started with me and my ex. We would go out to eat then come over to my house and watch a movie or listen to music while we talked. And coming over my house was her idea. She doesn't like to stay out late, and watching movies on my home theater is better than at the movies.
ASG Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I don't necessarily have anything against the home date. I have been to a guy's house on a 1st date, because his plans for the 3rd part of the date kinda fell through. He was the perfect gentleman. I wouldn't say no to a house date where he says he's cooking, specially if it's someone I've known for years. But I like your idea of drinks out afterwards.
Author iris219 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I wouldn't say no to a house date where he says he's cooking, specially if it's someone I've known for years. I don't want to seem ungrateful. I do appreciate the offer and think it's very nice that he offered to cook for me. Thats how things started with me and my ex. We would go out to eat then come over to my house and watch a movie or listen to music while we talked. And coming over my house was her idea. She doesn't like to stay out late, and watching movies on my home theater is better than at the movies. I wouldn't necessarily mind this. At least you all went out for part of the date. Another concern I have: Would I have no problem going to his house if I liked him more? I can't decide how I feel about him, and I'm seeing that as a bad sign.
JMacGirl26 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I went on a sort of date the other night. (I say sort of because it was with an acquaintance I’ve known for about 6 years.) He had originally invited me to his house, to which I said no, I’d rather go out. So we went and had a couple of drinks. Now he’s inviting me to his house again. He’s offering to make dinner. Am I the only one who has a major problem with this? I don’t want to go sit at some guy’s house if I’m not dating him. I want to go out. If I wanted to sit in a house, I’d sit in my own in PJ’s with no make-up on. I’ve had guys do this in the past as well. One of the last guys I “dated” (using the term loosely) did the same thing, and it was the reason I stopped seeing him. We went out twice, and then he only wanted me to come to his house (which I won’t do in the beginning stages of dating). It’s simply not fun for me. For me, part of the fun of dating is getting out and seeing how the other operates in public and around people, and doing memorable things or going memorable places. Going out helps build the foundation of a relationship. Why do guys do this? Are they trying to get me into their lair so they can make a move? Are they cheap? Are they not really into me? I’m trying to understand the reasoning behind it. Ladies, would you have a problem with this as well? I feel the same way as you do! My single friends and I experience this alot too. Many of the men we meet don't want to make an effort, don't want to spend the money, and pretty much seem to only want sex. Seems like there is this whole generation of men who don't want commitment (which is fine), but they have no clue how to treat a woman with class anymore. It's so discouraging!
sagetalk Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 but they have no clue how to treat a woman with class anymore. It's so discouraging! They know how to treat them, they just don't want to because it can lead to becoming their friend or being labeled boring before they can make a move. If they go for the pants right away, the girl either says "yes" or "get lost". Much better than "lets be friends", less wasted time as well. I take the class approach, and their way works a heck of a lot better. I'm not changing, but I'm not delusional either.
dispatch3d Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I don't want to seem ungrateful. I do appreciate the offer and think it's very nice that he offered to cook for me. I wouldn't necessarily mind this. At least you all went out for part of the date. Another concern I have: Would I have no problem going to his house if I liked him more? I can't decide how I feel about him, and I'm seeing that as a bad sign. What you do and whether you like him I highly doubt are connected. At least for me, the reasons I feel interested in a girl rarely have something to do with the venue/what we are doing and more to do with what she is like. I think if you explained why you like going out on dates, that you like getting dressed up, that you enjoy doing different things, etc. He would be pretty open to doing different stuff. I would also bet that if you helped plan some of it he would be more willing to join in. The reason guys typically want to jump to physical intimacy is because some women have the nasty habit of pretending to be interested in a guy so that they do stuff with them. He probably just doesn't want to be led on. To be fair, right now you are unsure whether you like him or not. Things will either progress or they won't, but some steps have to be made to see if you two click or don't. Generally its up to the guy to make some strides....
AlexiHC Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Sounds like the rant and rave of a gold digger. You want us to take you out and spend money to "court" you? Women like that aren't worth the effort or money, if a home made dinner isn't good enough, keep on moving!
Jynxx Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 For me, part of the fun of dating is getting out and seeing how the other operates in public and around people, and doing memorable things or going memorable places. Going out helps build the foundation of a relationship. Makes sense that you try to test his social value before starting a relationship. At least you're honest about it. Just don't tell this to any guy you're interested in, as it is a major turnoff. As a sidenote, I don't think there's a nickname for girls wanting to test social value before starting a relationship. There is one for girls wanting to test financial value before starting a relationship: "golddigger". There is also one for girls wanting to test sexual potential before starting a relationship, and it's a 4 letter word that starts with an s. While all 3 of these are natural reactions, society overreacts to all 3 of them and ironically this will give you a bad name (bad social value) if you do this and you're not subtle enough about it.
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