Letting go of the anger..

[huskers11]

It's been about 3 months since I was dumped by my ex.. Here's a link to the breakup story if you want to hear: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266838/

 

I had been doing NC and lasted for about 2 months.. Then I saw him last weekend at a friends birthday and he talked to me. I blew him off but it brought back alot of feelings, not just the caring but the hurt, anger, and pain I thought I had dealt with, and it really confused me all over again. I really don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that my hope really is completely gone. I used to want to stay friends with him but at least right now I want nothing to do with him.. Since seeing him all I am is angry at him.. I hate him for how he broke my heart, for continueing to sleep with me when he was having doubts about us, for everything.. I don't buy his bull**** excuse, I think he is a scared little boy and he ran because he couldn't handle having a real girlfriend who actually cared about him! I know in my heart I was not making up the intimate moments, but if the feelings really weren't there that means he faked it and led me on.. I'm not the type person to live with regrets but I regret ever dating him.. Today is actually my birthday.. I don't need him to wish me happy birthday but it does make me incredibly angry that he hasn't wished me happy birthday when he wishes everyone happy birthday. We were civil last weekend and it honestly takes 2 seconds. He claims that he cared about me and that out of all of his girlfriends(2 being pretty serious) I'm the only girlfriend of his that has ever truly cared about him; yet his actions come across as saying I meant absolutely nothing to him.. And that is so infuriating.. I let myself fall for him.. I could see us getting married someday, we just clicked(So I thought) but the way he makes me feel is that I was nothing more than a way to get over his ex and someone to have sex with!! I run, I work out, I journal, I try not to let this stuff build up but I have no idea how to let go of this anger.. I don't want anything to do with him.. I want indifference.. How do I get that?!