A major part of my life gone due 2 trusting a man. I need some words of wisdom!!!

[FaithInTheDark]

I was dating this guy since janurary. He was a really caring man, and i felt i finally found someone that i had something real with. He works away for weeks at a time but when he came back we would spend everyday together. we made future plans together for the summer and things. I know he really cared about me, i know he did. this was my 1st serious relationship btw. we were good for each other.

He went away to work in a diffrent location but we kept in touch every single day. Things started feeling diffrent with him, like lack of communication, things like that. It was rolling on 5 weeks without seeing him, and i told him I felt unhappy & how i was in a part time relationship.but thats just how his work was. I was on the verge of ending it, but really wanted to make it work more than anything in the world. He said he was not doing good and needed me by his side. I needed him too. We could take care of eachother. So we decided that i was going to come live where he was working to be together. I also wanted to get out of my current town and was doing this for myself as well. We were so excited to finally be together and told each other how much we ment to each other.

So I purchased a bus ticket which was $200 and I gave my 2 weeks notice at my job.

About a week ago..He calls me telling me how he got laid off. But has got hired at a new job in a diffrent location. He said that hes been lookin into diffrent places we could live and how his family said they would give me a job at this goft resort. I asked him, that he needs to come home before he leaves for another job. I said we need to figure this out face to face cause I was now unemployed!! and it was rolling onto now 2 months without seeing eachother as well. He said not to worry about money, and how he would know about his job the next day and would call me.

5 days went by without a word. and his phone was disconnected and I was really stressed out by how he wouldnt even give me a call to let me know what was going on..He knew i was sitting on thin ice.

It got to the point where I went over to his Family's house and asked if they knew anything. His dad told me how he is heavy into drugs these days and is just being a really irresponsable person. and how his work wants to put him into treatment. I explaned to his dad about my situation, with a useless bus ticket ( I cant get a refund on) and how i quit my job to go up to where he is. His dad

got a hold of him for me on the phone.. and I said wtf is going on..why didnt u call me..5 days?? I feel so disrespected. His excuse is how his cell phone is out of service and he didnt have my number on hand. what a bs excuse. I said look I cant get a refund on this bus ticket, Im now jobless, do u realize the pain you are putting me thru? When we talked he didnt even sound like himself. at all. he admitted he was doing alot of drugs, and didnt feel like himself. He said that he needs to go to this new job and sober up. Pretty much he would go back to new his job soon for a couple weeks and could come back on this 7 days off.. Im like what am i suppose to do during that time? Hes like U knew going into this relationship my line of work would be like this. I didnt plan on gettng laid off...I said look have a nice life.He said he would keep in touch and would pay me back for the bus ticket.. I cant remember the whole converstaion....its such a blur.. but he didnt not sound like himself what so ever..and he usually really caring and loving...but hes probably high...

I didnt know what he was up to at all these couple months...I knew he did cocaine..but i thought it was a casual use. I think hes smoking it too....I knew he wasnt doing good...but man..Apart of me really wishes I could be there for him..and help him..But he crushed me hardcore. I trusted him alot. maybe im just naieve..my logic and emotion are having a battle at this time..But i keep telling myself..who wants to be with a low life drug addict? I would of accepted him for who he was regardless of this problems..but he screwed that up. I feel like he really needs to contact me, i think once he sobers up he will realize what he did and say sorry. Its not up to me to make any effort what so ever. I wish i could make it work once he cleans himself up...i invested so much into this and it all crumbled..My family says to stay away from him..hes a loser and theyre right..I just want the man he was when we first met.

I just needed to vent. im still processing everything...if anyone has any feedback or advice please help me out.

I could use some wise words at this time..thanks.

[sumdude]

Sorry to hear you;re going through this. If he's getting deep into an addiction there's no telling how long it will be before he comes around. I've had to let go of very close friends for the same reason, partially the addiction but more what it turned them into. The drug owns them and they will lie, cheat and steal to get more. Can take a good decent person and twist them all up. I had one friend clean up and come back into my life but it took him 15 years. I don't know and am not saying he's that far gone. But as hard as it is it's probably best for you to let him go and move on. Otherwise you may be in for a very tough time which could leave you used up.

 

Wish I had more hopeful thoughts for you. For all you know he may come around pretty quickly but you can't bank on it and might end up using up a lot of your life waiting.

[sugarmomma]

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? So sorry this has happened to you but it takes more than a few months to get to know a person. have you tried to get unemployment? I hope you don't have small children. This guy has a lot of problems and you can't help him. He will bring you down before you bring him up. You also seem to have some esteem issues that may need to be addressed.

 

Best wishes

[FaithInTheDark]

im 21 years old. what makes you think i have esteem issues?

[Nexus One]

Go job hunting, ASAP. Also in the future, never ever, give up your livelihood and roof over your head for a man, let alone one you've known for only a few months. If a man is into you, he will come to you and accept that you need and want your own independence.

 

Also get the ball rolling in terms on social security(welfare), so that you at least have something to eat when you can't find a job. Do you have family that you can rely on for food and a roof over your head when things get really bad? Also would it be possible to reason with your previous employer to get your old job back?

Edited April 27, 2011 by Nexus One

[FaithInTheDark]

I currently live with my parents. so food and a roof over my head isnt a issue. I have applied at some jobs and no i will not being getting my old job back due to my boss hiring several people after i have left.

[Pfiend101]

Sad situation. However you got involved with a cocaine user and after only a few months quit ur job to go be with him. Learn from this mistake. After that long as others have said you barely knew him. You lucked out not getting involved with this guy too much further......

[TaraMaiden]

im 21 years old. what makes you think i have esteem issues?

Because the moment his dad said - "He's into drugs" you should have high-tailed it out of there and run as fast as you could in the opposite direction, and never looked back.

You don't seriously think this guy is a "keeps for ever, make you happy" guy, do you?

So I'm kind of hoping this man is completely out of your life, for ever, because let me tell you, a drug addiction is stronger than the person, and is stronger than anything else they feel, be it for family, parents, lovers, friends, banks, wallets, or possessions.

 

This is the kind of guy who will never look to anyone's fulfilment or happiness, as long as he takes drugs.

 

IT's been a harsh lesson, but I'm glad you really only lost the price of a bus ticket.

You could have lost so much more, and as such, you gained a whole load of experience.

 

Don't ever let a guy make suggestions to you (that involve meeting him any more than 50% of the way) ever again.

Don't give anything up for anyone, until you see their offer is a concrete and done deal.

And don't believe for one second that this experience has made you anything less than you were.

"A Major part of your life" is not gone.

You still have it.

Deal with it, and use it wisely.

Some folks never get the chance to go where you have been, and survive it.

[FaithInTheDark]

thanks for the words of wisdom. I am moving on slowly but surely. its been 1 month since we last talked. he said he would keep in touch and give me the money back for the ticket. but he was not responded to my emails as that is the only can of contacting him. I am truely shocked he would just throw me away like that. I keep in touch with his father and his father informed me that he is now in the area where i live, i admit has weirded me out a bit. I think i should just forget about the ticket as well as the situation i have endured. it still is painful. to trust someone that strung you along for 4 months and just ditches when at the moment of truth. thanks for being a ear to listen. i will be ok

[thatone]

i don't have a problem with pot users, have dated a few actually, but you get what you get with people on addictive drugs.

 

that's the lesson. those people need their drug of choice more than anything else. else they wouldn't ruin their lives and lose their jobs over getting high.

 

you can't compete with that.

[just_some_guy]

thanks for the words of wisdom. I am moving on slowly but surely. its been 1 month since we last talked. he said he would keep in touch and give me the money back for the ticket. but he was not responded to my emails as that is the only can of contacting him. I am truely shocked he would just throw me away like that. I keep in touch with his father and his father informed me that he is now in the area where i live, i admit has weirded me out a bit. I think i should just forget about the ticket as well as the situation i have endured. it still is painful. to trust someone that strung you along for 4 months and just ditches when at the moment of truth. thanks for being a ear to listen. i will be ok

 

Drug users are like that.

 

Consider this an early life lesson in alcoholics and addicts and how YOU are reacting to them. You might go visit some al-anon meetings, just to gain some understanding.

[surfrider4284]

you quit your job and bought a bus ticket out of town because a guy you've only known a couple months wanted you to? Whats more..you couldn't even tell something was off about this guy, i.e. hes a coke/meth/sometypeof head during the time you did know him?

 

I think you should stay indoors until you improve your decision making skills.

[FaithInTheDark]

you quit your job and bought a bus ticket out of town because a guy you've only known a couple months wanted you to? Whats more..you couldn't even tell something was off about this guy, i.e. hes a coke/meth/sometypeof head during the time you did know him?

 

I think you should stay indoors until you improve your decision making skills.

 

i knew him for 4 months. still not long i KNOW. And yeah maybe it was a dip**** decision. But I wanted to get out of the town i was living in really bad and try something new, as there is lots of work in the town i was planning on going to. I thought this would be my chance to get out. I didnt do it cause " he wanted me to" I also wanted to take a diffrent step in my life and try and make my realtionship work.. Why dont you take a couple seconds out of ur ignorant life and think before you try to strip someone down. i knew he did drugs ocasionaly but he wasnt a heavy drug addict when we were together. but when someone is away working, u dont exactly know whats going on with them. It's not like anyone would of guessed he would ditch out a week before moving and never contact me again. anyways...

maybe YOU should stay indoors until you improve on your people skills hunny.

[ladyinlimbo]

i knew him for 4 months. still not long i KNOW. And yeah maybe it was a dip**** decision. But I wanted to get out of the town i was living in really bad and try something new, as there is lots of work in the town i was planning on going to. I thought this would be my chance to get out. I didnt do it cause " he wanted me to" I also wanted to take a diffrent step in my life and try and make my realtionship work.. Why dont you take a couple seconds out of ur ignorant life and think before you try to strip someone down. i knew he did drugs ocasionaly but he wasnt a heavy drug addict when we were together. but when someone is away working, u dont exactly know whats going on with them. It's not like anyone would of guessed he would ditch out a week before moving and never contact me again. anyways...

maybe YOU should stay indoors until you improve on your people skills hunny.

 

Regardless of what this guy is (which appears to be a huge loser), he owes you diddly in terms of reimbursement for the bus ticket. You claimed above and in your original post that you quit your job and bought the ticket out of town not just for him but because you wanted to get out of the town you were living in. He owes you nothing for the ticket.

 

What a risk you took, quitting your job (in this economy) to move to another town with obviously no money (if a wasted bus ticket is such a loss for you) and no new job lined up. Where did you expect you were going to live there until you found a job and got settled?

 

By the way............just what age is this "man"? How did you originally meet him?

[SomewhatExperienced]

I agree with a lot of the comments made here. But I think you shouldn't see this as a big part of your life gone. You're only 21 and you only knew him for 4 months, that's not really anything in terms of your whole life.

 

Don't be surprised if you don't hear from this guy again. Sounds like he's a good guy deep down (don't ever demonize addicts because a lot of them are good people, just with issues they are dealing with) and cares about you. He's likely so ashamed and embarrassed by what he did to you he finds it hard to speak to you anymore. I don't blame him either.

 

Focus on yourself now. Sounds like you might need a change. Maybe start making a game plan to get out of the town you're in and into a big city. If you're living with your parents start to save money and build a savings so you can move?...