phn guy Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I've been in a relationship with my fiancée for 5 years. It was an LDR. We were engaged for 2 years. When she broke up/left me she said she will mail my things back. Hopefully the engagement ring too. Now my question is how long should I wait to get my things back? Its been 20 days of NC but the only way to find out is to contact her. I don't know What to do. I also have things of hers at my place to that I would like to give back. As much as I would love to have her back it won't happen. Only in my dreams would that be a happy ending. I'm moving on day to day thanks to family and friends.
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 i just went through this. all i did was say that "im coming down between these dates to get my stuff. let me know what works for you". that was it, all business
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 You send her a polite e-mail telling her - "hello, <her name>, I will be coming round with a friend, on *such-and-such a day* (give it a couple of weeks) to bring back the items I still have, which belong to you. Please would you make sure that all my personal belongings there, are also ready for me to collect, on that day. may I also ask that you kindly return the engagement ring, as the promisory condition of marriage is obviously never going to happen." Many thanks, <Your name>. " And then - you wait.
Author phn guy Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 That sounds like a good idea. I now have to find time for an extended weekend to drive down 9 hours for my things. I will also have to bring a friend so it wont be so awkward for the both of us. That's even if she'll respond to the message/email/text. I guess I'll also need a hotel room or see if a friend can put me up for a day or two.
JasonRules Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 My ex still owes me $660 dollars and has some clothing items and some of my CDs. I don't plan on asking her for anything back. My mental stability and well-being is worth alot more than these things.
Author phn guy Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 My ex still owes me $660 dollars and has some clothing items and some of my CDs. I don't plan on asking her for anything back. My mental stability and well-being is worth alot more than these things. I wish it would be that easy to leave my things there. But it is 5 years of stuff and an engagement ring. I wont be leaving that there. I just need to find a good extended weekend date that will work for the both of us to pick up my things.
JasonRules Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I wish it would be that easy to leave my things there. But it is 5 years of stuff and an engagement ring. I wont be leaving that there. I just need to find a good extended weekend date that will work for the both of us to pick up my things. Tell her to pack all your stuff in some boxes and leave it outside the home at a certain time and you'll stop by to pick everything up. Trust me, nothing good will come out of you going there to pick your things up.
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 That's why I advised he go with a friend. to 'Moderate' and act as a buffer.... With someone present to 'chaperone' things are far less likely to get difficult. And the guy wants his ring back. Quite rightly. he has a legal right to have it back, too.......
Author phn guy Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) Argh! Its been alittle over 2 months and I still haven't received my stuff or my engagement ring back. I guess I will never see my things again. The ex was the one saying on the break don't worry I'll ship it back. So why is it over 2 months and I haven't seen a thing back yet? I guess I will have to have my friend call her about it. Why is she holding on to my stuff still? Sorry just had to vent. I already sent her stuff back to her friend over a month ago and I was told she got it. Edited June 18, 2011 by phn guy
batsheba Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 My ex still owes me $660 dollars and has some clothing items and some of my CDs. I don't plan on asking her for anything back. My mental stability and well-being is worth alot more than these things. I am with you in this. I have valueables that I clearly stated I needed and this was over 80 days ago, have yet to receive them, but am not pursuing them anymore. I would rather have my peace of mind right now. If you really want your stuff back, communicate this with her and give her a timeline. Be ready for the heartbreak it entails to retrieve them though. It does give you some sadness. Did you make it clear too that you want the ring back?
stray Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Maybe this will give you a little insight. I have my exs stuff still; I haven't given them back yet even though I said I would. It's stuff he doesn't REALLY need, however. I doubt the quality of his life is suffering without them. I haven't given them back yet because I don't want to deal with the process of giving it back. I also can't find some of his stuff that I know I have, somewhere. Your ex is putting it off due to half laziness and half not wanting to deal with the drama of giving you your stuff back. If you really need your things, aka the quality of your life is suffering without them (ask yourself: is this the case? Or are you just looking for contact?); then yes, give her a timeline. If MY ex gave me a timeline; I would overcome my laziness and opposition to drama and go through with his request.
JasonRules Posted June 19, 2011 Posted June 19, 2011 Maybe this will give you a little insight. I have my exs stuff still; I haven't given them back yet even though I said I would. It's stuff he doesn't REALLY need, however. I doubt the quality of his life is suffering without them. I haven't given them back yet because I don't want to deal with the process of giving it back. I also can't find some of his stuff that I know I have, somewhere. Your ex is putting it off due to half laziness and half not wanting to deal with the drama of giving you your stuff back. If you really need your things, aka the quality of your life is suffering without them (ask yourself: is this the case? Or are you just looking for contact?); then yes, give her a timeline. If MY ex gave me a timeline; I would overcome my laziness and opposition to drama and go through with his request. Initially I thought to just forget about the $660 and the things, but now I have changed my mind and want the stuff back. I asked her politely in a sms message over a month ago to return my stuff back by the end of June at the latest. She said "Not a problem", but I have yet to have anything returned. She doesn't even have to deal with seeing me because she can just give everything to a friend or mail the items. Someone mentioned the exes keeping things just to keep you on the backburner in case things sour with (possibly) the new guy (if there is a new guy), but I'm not so sure. I think that may well be wishful thinking, although at this point (3+ months NC) I've pretty much abandoned any ideas of a reconciliation. I've been dating quite a few women and the 2 hour daily gym workouts have helped tremendously, but for some odd reason my mind always goes back to her. I'm hoping with another 3 months NC I will just not care anymore. This coupled with me moving to a new flat should do the trick (hopefully).
Author phn guy Posted June 19, 2011 Author Posted June 19, 2011 Maybe this will give you a little insight. I have my exs stuff still; I haven't given them back yet even though I said I would. It's stuff he doesn't REALLY need, however. I doubt the quality of his life is suffering without them. I haven't given them back yet because I don't want to deal with the process of giving it back. I also can't find some of his stuff that I know I have, somewhere. Your ex is putting it off due to half laziness and half not wanting to deal with the drama of giving you your stuff back. If you really need your things, aka the quality of your life is suffering without them (ask yourself: is this the case? Or are you just looking for contact?); then yes, give her a timeline. If MY ex gave me a timeline; I would overcome my laziness and opposition to drama and go through with his request. That seems like a very interesting perspective. I could have actually used some of the things that were left there. I had a suit and some shoes I could have used for a wake and funeral I had to go to last week. Also that suit and shoes were bought down where she lived and I only used it one time for a wedding that she asked me to go with her and her mom. I dont really see the drama in it as I wont be seeing her since it was an LDR. I already sent her her stuff back in hopes of her doing the same. Her best friend even told me she was by her place looking for boxes. The one really thing I want back is the ring. I spent xx,xxx of dollars on it and if we are not getting married I would really want that back. I am going to give her until the beginning of July before I will have my friend and her best friend to try and get her to pack and ship my things. If worse comes to worse I will just tell her I am driving down 9 hours to pick up my things at a specific date and to just have it boxed up and leave it in the front of her place so I can pick it up or just have her friend there so I wont have to see or talk to her. She was the one who initiated NC. I really just want my things back and not have to see or talk to her. At this moment I am moving on as she wanted. Some of the things left there I can also use for my next vacation in the British West Indies. As much as I know we wont get back together I just think a promise is promise either you are in a relationship with that person or anyone in general.
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