maximus2305 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Started seeing a girl from work, things lasted around a month and then she decided to end things to see if she wanted to work things out with her ex. She was the first I'd been with in awhile, since we work together we've stayed close friends. It's been getting harder and harder for me keep it that way. Her friendship is extremely important but I can't help but having feelings for her. It kills me to hear her talk about other guys, i find myself thinking about her way too much. I just want her, every time we hang out i find myself going home a little dissapointed that the physical part of our relationship is over. i don't know what to do, I know the only way to get over her is to detach completely and I really can't stand losing her friendship. This has been been emotionally exhausting situation. I feel lost.
writergal Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I don't think having an office romance is a very good idea because you're both already in constant contact with each other as work colleagues. Plus, there's no real "alone" time when your bf/gf is your work colleague, because everyone needs time for their own personal space. You don't get that with an office romance. The jealousy you're feeling about your ex's dating life is an unfortunate side-effect of working with her because you don't have the emotional distance you need to get over her. It's normal to miss the physical intimacy when you have great chemistry with someone. But you have to let that go now. She's moved on. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is limit your contact with her at work if that is possible, as well as socially. Find other friendships to re-visit and spend more time with those people. Or better yet, invest some time with yourself and go and do something fun; join a sports club or start a hobby. If you want to talk to her about your unresolved feelings, then do so but outside of work hours on the weekend. Otherwise, it could be really awkward fro you both. Prepare yourself that she may not feel the same way anymore about you. Really, the best thing you can do for yourself is to move on and distract yourself with other friendships, hobbies, bettering yourself. If you didn't work with her every day you'd have the physical distance you need to get over her. That's why office romances are never a good idea. Good luck!
somedude81 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Move on, stop being her friend. All you're doing is hurting yourself.
Author maximus2305 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Probelm is she is 1/2 friends I have outside of AA. I feel like I can't meet anyone my own age b/c of being a 22 year old recovering addict/alcoholic
writergal Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Are you worried because most 22 year olds you know go out drinking? There's a social organization called "meetup.com." You should go online and check out which groups people have organized in your city. It's free to join and a great way to meet new people, especially your age group that doesn't involve alcohol (depending on what group it is). Now it makes sense about your attachment to this young woman in your office. You must feel vulnerable because of your AA recovery and you said she was the first person you've been with in a long time. So of course when she ended it, that really hurt you because you need to make new friends who will support your AA recovery. She's not the answer to your feeling insecure socially. Try other social outlets like I said. Start with Meetup.com and go from there. Talk to you sponsor about it too.
TheLoneSock Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 The friend zone is a pretty precarious place to dance around in. Despite what others say, there is a way out of it - it just isn't easy. It involves a lot of the same stuff NC in general does. OP, I wouldn't worry about this - I don't think you really like this girl. I think the feeling of rejection, not getting what you want, and missing the sex is making you think you really like her. That added with the fear that you won't find someone else is just misleading your feelings in an unhealthy way. You're a recovering addict, which means you have a naturally addictive personality. You get addicted to things (and in this case a person, and sex with that person) easily. Treat this like any other addiction and break yourself off from it. You need something more constructive to fill your void - for instance, become addicted to school and pursuing a better education, or anything else highly constructive.
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