That_girl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 About his age. I met this really cool guy that happens to have a really great career and have a lot of money. I'm not necessarily into his money, but thought it would be fun to go out with someone older- as I have ALWAYS been attracted to older men. So he told me he was 3 years younger than he actually is. It doesnt sound like alot, but he is alot closer to 40 than I had thought. He didn't admit to lieing, I found out on my own. The thing is I'm worried that if he lies about his age, he'll lie about other things. He does have a child...he outright told me, I'm just hoping he didn't lie about the fact that he's divorced! We only went on one date. I'm in my mid twenties, still trying to figure out what to do with my life. I'm wondering...if he lied about his age, is that a dealbreaker? And also...what would a man of that age want from someone much younger and inexperienced? It can't be JUST sex...because he hasn't tried to get into my pants yet. And he has already asked me out to "dinner"...so I'm assuming he wants to get to know me better. I'm confused
Lilmisus Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I'm wondering how you found out? Obviously he lied to you or to your other resource, but which one it is, is the question. I have a huge issue trusting someone who lies about something so tiny like that, and I agree with you that there might be a bigger lie - like not actually getting divorced - that he may be trying to cover up. But, before you call it quits on him, why don't you ask him about it first. He may have told you the truth...and lied to/on the other thing. But at the same time, he may not have thought that you would be as interested in going out with him if you knew that he was a few years older than he said he was. Plus, he may just have a thing for younger girls, some men do. Or they go through a phase where they want a younger girl on his arm, rather than someone their own age..he may be in that phase right now. Just ask about the age thing..and if his answer doesn't make since, then say adios to him!
Andy_K Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 he has already asked me out to "dinner"...so I'm assuming he wants to get to know me better That's what you're supposed to think. His aim is to impress your pants off (literally if possible). Taking you out to dinner has been how guys have done this for generations. It's traditional. Why do you think so many guys feel 'used' if they take girls out & pay for expensive dinners and it goes nowhere? If he's happy to lie about his age, I'm sure he's quite happy to do this too. He might well be genuinely interested in you too. There's no real way for us to know. But really, don't read too much into the dinner thing.
Author That_girl Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Well yeah that's more of what I was wondering. I guess that makes sense. He is taking me out to try and charm his way into my pants. I just figured because he was much older, that he might be into something more serious. In which case, I'd have to tell him that I just want to have fun for now.
Author That_girl Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Obviously I'm just trying to get into his pants as well....I don't see myself being serious with someone at the moment. Also, I don't know if I could handle the kid things at my age. So I'm kinda getting confused with the dinner thing...but I guess older guys wanna do something classier than drink a few cans of beer and make their way over to the bed:)
Andy_K Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 He is most likely unaccustomed to the idea that you might just want to get laid. He's doing what he thinks will give him the best chances of success. If you think it's too much, ask him if he'd like to do something more casual like go out for a few drinks instead...
sagetalk Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 You're trust in him has already been broken after date number one. What else needs to be said?
maysj18 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 You're trust in him has already been broken after date number one. What else needs to be said? It's pretty black and white.
Jazzari Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I wouldn't worry about lying about his age. He knocked off 3 years - its just not a big deal at all. I don't think it means he lies about other things. I'm sure he's intimidated by your youth and wants to impress you. Women have been lying about their age for years and its almost expected. It doesn't surprise me that men do the same. We're a society that worships youth. Totally a non-issue in my book. If you're worried about other issues such as divorce, then I suggest you run a background check. It only costs about 10 bucks.
spiderowl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 You obviously like the sound of him and are wondering why he's interested in you. Maybe you are an interesting person! He may just be looking for a younger woman but quite honestly, as long as you don't leap into bed with him from the start and give yourself chance to get to know what kind of person he is, there are no guaratees whatever age you date. Regarding lying about his age. For me, that would be the end of it. I find it pathetic that guys lie about their age so he would lose my respect. Also, I'd really find it hard to trust him after that. So I'm afraid a positive view and a negative one in the same response. Might not be very helpful to you.
youngskywalker Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) I guess I don't see what the big deal is. You said it's mostly for sex anyway and you're not into the kids thing. If you don't see yourself with him in a romantic relationship but instead are just looking for FWB..... then so what if he lied about his age? Edited April 26, 2011 by youngskywalker
sagetalk Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I wouldn't worry about lying about his age. He who lies in small things also lies in big things.
Jazzari Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 He who lies in small things also lies in big things. I'd tend to agree with you, but I think 90% of the population lies about their age. This one just doesn't bother me.
Author That_girl Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 So yeah, I agree it's not a huge lie. He took off 2 years of his real age. But still...it was a lie. Although I am hoping to have sex with him...I'm just worried because I usually get attached. I've never been able to have sex without strings (without getting hurt). The only reason that I feel like I might be ready for it now is because I just broke up with my ex about a month ago. So the new guy would essentially be a rebound at a point where I've decided that I should just have fun before I get into another serious relationship. I was just thinking that with the lieing about the age, and the taking me to dinner on a work night, the getting to know me better.....that he probably wants something serious. Don't men usually state what they want upfront at that age? This guy mentioned something about being ready to settle down again the last time we went out. Eek! I probably will end up falling for him, I just don't know what I want. I guess 37 is too old for a 25 year old. But I LIKE him...he's actually smart, and has way more character than my ex. He's sexy, established, and responsible. It's always been a fantasy of mine....
musemaj11 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 It seems so easy for women to lose a man and then find another one again.
youngskywalker Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 This guy mentioned something about being ready to settle down again the last time we went out. Eek! Maybe you're the one who is lying to him. Let's just cut the BS. Your plan is to use him. He, perhaps, is looking for something deeper. Are you really so innocent?
Author That_girl Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Well yeah I guess you could look at it that way. I would be "using" him for sex. But don't men use women for sex all the time? And also people in general "use" each other- whether it is for a relationship, or just for sex. Both individuals mutually profit but we don't generally think about it that way because women are generally not expected to value sex alone. Anyways I do like him so far. I thought we could have sex, and if we like each other and get along- then who knows in the future. I'm just upset that he lied. I'm kinda jaded in general because my ex-boyfriend was a cheater and emotionally abusive. This current guy didn't do anything hugely wrong...but I'm just weary of suffering again because I didn't pay attention to the red flags.
jane100 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 for me its a non-issue too. he shaved a few years of his age, so what! its not a decade or some serious lie in my book anyway and i agree many honest people do. and i am generally a pretty honest person - i don't like deceit generally. he probably just feels a bit insecure cos you're so young by comparison.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 1. You need to tell him that you aren't looking for anything serious before he gets his hopes and expectations up too high. 2. Two wrongs don't make a right. I don't care if other people use people, that doesn't mean you can use them. If you both talked about it and agreed that a FWB relationship is the best for you, then that's different and you wouldn't be using him. 3. I dated a guy who lied about huge things, like he hid that he was becoming an alcoholic from me, and the lies always start out small. I'd be really wary about his lies. 4. Who cares about his age if he makes you happy?
dispatch3d Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 May as well sell his ass up the river if he lied then.
Author That_girl Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 So turns out, he just wanted to **** as well. I gave him a few opportunities to come clean about the age thing...and he never fessed up. I didn't want to outright accuse him, so I left it that. But then the whole 'age' thing was on my mind throughout the entire dinner. HE took me out to this really expensive restaurant. And we had a great conversation, he said he was really into me and that he likes who I am. I guess I must have given him the impression that I was willing to have casual sex because I agreed to go back to his place after the meal. It was pretty obvious he was going to invite me over because he really tried to get through dinner quickly. The thing is I didn't mean to lead him on. I really thought I could just have casual sex. It seemed to be what we both agreed on during the dinner. But once we started fooling around, all I could think about was how empty the whole thing felt. I've had casual sex maybe once in my entire life, and I didn't even do it for the sex. I think I just needed to feel close to someone. This current 35 year old would probably have been AMAZING in bed....unlike most of the younger guys I've been with. But it just wasn't there for me at this point- I barely know him. And I do get to know him better, and end up liking him..sex would still be a bad idea because I would eventually get hurt. He says he's not looking to "get married" again anytime soon. I don't know, I kinda of feel like an *******. I told him I would call him if I ever felt like having meaningless sex.
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