musemaj11 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) I think it's completely fine to ask a man out! That is flattering to some men and especially for those who are shy and don't have the courage or are intimidated by a pretty woman. It's better to ask him out then sit and wait for him to do it. And if you don't, you might miss your opportunity to go out with a great guy. As I have always said, women can be the initiators under two conditions: 1) The guy is less attractive than the woman. 2) The guy is less assertive/confident than the woman. If the guy is a ladies' man, to him you are just going to be another 'fan'. I even told my sister that getting a boyfriend is easy. Just approach the handsome shy guy. But dont ever approach a good looking and confident guy because if that guy is really interested in you, you will know already. Edited April 27, 2011 by musemaj11
thatdog Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 If I could feel guaranteed that I wouldn't be in a relationship with this guy like I was in my last relationship, and that it would be 50/50 responsibility when it came to working on the relationship, or that he would try to pursue me more after the initial asking him out, then I would go for it without a second thought. I'd call him up and ask him out right now if I thought that things would be different this time around. But, I refuse to set myself up like I did in my last relationship, ever again. I was in love, and he was barely in like apparently. His feelings were so small for me that when his current girlfriend started talking and flirting with him while we were together, that it was enough to dump me for her. So my only reason is that I don't want to get hurt like I did last time, again. It's the whole "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" type thing. No one gets that kind of guarantee. Every time a guy asks a girl out even if he doesn't get rejected he still has to risk the girl not reciprocating as much as him in the relationship. He initiated it so he is the only one to show initiative. Some girls never end up being that interested and then the relationship is one sided. By taking the first step yourself you are just taking exactly the same risk that he (or any other guy) would be taking in asking you out first.
thatdog Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Which is usually how relationships seem to be. I've read alot of posts about relationships, and often it's obvious that the guy is putting in all the effort with little reciprocating from the girl. In movies and in tv-shows when it's about relationships it's also usually the guy who puts in all the effort. Sure it's fiction... But it must have some base of reality in it. Yeah you are right but I think you are missing the point. It doesn't happen ALL the time, and IMHO the reason why it always happens to guys is solely because they are the ones doing the initiating 99% of the time (due to social conventions). If girls started taking the initiative just as often I think we would see a rapid change to the point there would be an even balance of men and women complaining about having to put in all the effort.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I'd like it and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Wtf are those guys thinking, thinking that it's a whore thing to do? Do they live in the bible belt of America or something? Maybe this is just a case of different cultures.
Kelemort Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 When we talk about asking someone out on a date, people always act like it has to be as blatant as, "Would you like to go out on a date with me to x?" when really, most of the time it's, "Hey, wanna get some coffee?" I have asked people out on dates before (I'm female). It really doesn't bother me and I don't think it's made a change in the relationship. There's a fine balance - if you have to initiate everything, even in the fledgling stages of the relationship, it's time to go. But if you're initiating the actual relationship and things of that sort, I don't think it's problematic at all. To say it's "What whores do" is...wow. Insulting, degrading and misogynistic. Not that I mean to be offensive to Southerners here, but are you in the Southern U.S.? That could explain the conservative outlook on women asking men out. I'm in the northern U.S., so it's just never...stricken me as that big of a deal or THAT insulting. Wow. In my first relationship, I asked my ex to go to a concert with me for one of our classes. Eventually, he started asking me if I wanted to go to an arcade. I asked if he wanted to go to a movie. He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I dropped the first kiss unprompted. In my present relationship, he would ask me out for lunch ALL OF THE TIME. At least once or twice a week. I was dating my ex at the time, and felt it was inappropriate to be going off and meeting somebody else when I knew it bothered my ex. Once I was single, we went out to lunch together. We both started inviting each other out on dates. Eventually, I kissed him twice, then I asked him to be my boyfriend. I don't regret it and I don't feel it's shaped my relationship in a negative way. The only thing that's different is that I was first to initiate my feelings. It's probably true that some men who just aren't that into you won't ask you out, won't do anything...but if you drop the seed, they go, "Sure, I guess, OK." But that's not everyone.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 No one gets that kind of guarantee. Every time a guy asks a girl out even if he doesn't get rejected he still has to risk the girl not reciprocating as much as him in the relationship. He initiated it so he is the only one to show initiative. Some girls never end up being that interested and then the relationship is one sided. By taking the first step yourself you are just taking exactly the same risk that he (or any other guy) would be taking in asking you out first. True, no one has that guarantee and whoever makes the first move can risk being in the same place that I was in my last relationship...but I don't want to the one to risk it again, ya know? I'm honestly now very scared to put myself out there like that again, and to give my all into another relationship (not just at the beginning), out of fear that the next guy will do me like he did, and give nothing (or very little) in return. I would just really love to have a guy who's willing to go out of his way this time around, and to let me know that I'm worth it to him...something my ex just didn't do. I have a couple guys who are trying to do that and bend over backwards right now..but I'm just not interested in any of them Only want this guy to
dispatch3d Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 As I have always said, women can be the initiators under two conditions: 1) The guy is less attractive than the woman. 2) The guy is less assertive/confident than the woman. If the guy is a ladies' man, to him you are just going to be another 'fan'. I even told my sister that getting a boyfriend is easy. Just approach the handsome shy guy. But dont ever approach a good looking and confident guy because if that guy is really interested in you, you will know already. what happens if these two conditions aren't met? World explode? The dinosaurs come back to life?
Professor X Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 True, no one has that guarantee and whoever makes the first move can risk being in the same place that I was in my last relationship...but I don't want to the one to risk it again, ya know? I'm honestly now very scared to put myself out there like that again, and to give my all into another relationship (not just at the beginning), out of fear that the next guy will do me like he did, and give nothing (or very little) in return. I would just really love to have a guy who's willing to go out of his way this time around, and to let me know that I'm worth it to him...something my ex just didn't do. I have a couple guys who are trying to do that and bend over backwards right now..but I'm just not interested in any of them Only want this guy to Can you stop with the over thinking? please...... All you do is make excuses why not to ask. You don't want him? Than wait until some other chick comes along and takes him. You are not putting yourself out there! you are merely asking him for 1 date. After that you can let him start the initiatives, because by then there's no reason why he'd hold back.
collegeguy_24 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) I've read alot of posts about relationships, and often it's obvious that the guy is putting in all the effort with little reciprocating from the girl. In movies and in tv-shows when it's about relationships it's also usually the guy who puts in all the effort. Sure it's fiction... But it must have some base of reality in it. As much as me and Wayne here disagree about stuff, this is one thing I will agree with him on. In my first two relationships, I did all the work. I always took the girl out, treated her like a nice princess, fell in love, etc. In the end I was cheated on by one, and left for another guy by the other. In fact, most dating I see around where I live its always the guy taking the girl out and sending a fortune on her. The one exception I've seen in my current GF. She asked me out, and when I was unemployed she payed for everything, but even then, its rare to find a woman around where I live who will do that. Edited April 27, 2011 by collegeguy_24
Author Lilmisus Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Can you stop with the over thinking? please...... All you do is make excuses why not to ask. You don't want him? Than wait until some other chick comes along and takes him. You are not putting yourself out there! you are merely asking him for 1 date. After that you can let him start the initiatives, because by then there's no reason why he'd hold back. You're right, I am making many excuses, but it's definitely not because I don't want him, haha. It's because I'm definitely scared right now. My issue that I've always had is wondering "what if" about everything. I over think things to the point where it drives me (and others ) crazy, and it causes extreme anxiety on my part, so this is honestly nothing new for me..it's just a new topic for me to over think. But that's why I put it out there on here and ask for opinions, it honestly helps me to stop the over thinking process and see things in a more clear light.
collegeguy_24 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 You're right, I am making many excuses, but it's definitely not because I don't want him, haha. It's because I'm definitely scared right now. My issue that I've always had is wondering "what if" about everything. I over think things to the point where it drives me (and others ) crazy, and it causes extreme anxiety on my part, so this is honestly nothing new for me..it's just a new topic for me to over think. But that's why I put it out there on here and ask for opinions, it honestly helps me to stop the over thinking process and see things in a more clear light. I know how you are, I myself over think things to, so did my last ex and so does my current GF. Its very hard to not over think and think about what ifs, but sometimes, you just have to throw caution to the wind and take action, be spontaneous, sometimes it really helps.
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