almost 5 years, engaged, now it's over...

[confusedman27]

I don't know where to start..

 

We had been together for 3 months shy of 5 years, engaged for 5 months..

 

Were both 25, Atraction between the two of us has never been a problem. Says I'm the best bf/fiance she's ever had. Makes her feel special. Told me all the time that "You'lll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do" Everything was great, we had our little fights and some indifferences about whether we were on the same "path" or not and things started becoming a spiral because I'm not a responsible person..

 

We broke up about 3 weeks ago and we've stayed in contact (I know strike 1) we had a serious talk and walk about the breakup, we both agreed that some time apart would be best for the both of us.. We agreed that we wouldn't "cross eachother off the list" We've never called eachother in that time period, just text and talked about things in person. i colapsed once after about a week and a half and went over to her house and things got busy and she was extremely "excited" but decided that sex would only confuse things even more..

 

Her uncle passed away about a week ago and she told me that she was sad because she was losing 2 of the 3 most important men in her life at the same time and that meant a lot to me (#1 being her father) things were looking so good like we might make a come back sometime soon

 

She had been super supportive and I thought that she was struggling with this as much as I was..

 

Until 3 days ago.. I went to her house to get the rest of my belongings and there was another guy there, the house was dark at twilight and i saw what I think was both of them making out or more in the front room.. they must have been indecent or scared because they both took off running away from the door i was about to come in which i know for a fact i did see..

 

I knocked on the door, she answered about 15 seconds later coming from the bedroom. I asked if she had company and she said yes in a kinda aggitated way really.. i left..

 

I text her that night and said she had moved on pretty quick and she insisted that they were "friends from jr high".. I saw the guy I didn't recognize him, I thought in our 5 years together i would have seen this guy sometime if they were such good "friends".. I told her "just be honest, to yourself and to me" her reply was "I am" she said "what do you want me to say?" I said "You don't have to say anything more if you've already told the truth" her reply was "Truth about what? What is it your looking for?" I didn't respond...

 

She texted me today and told me "Good luck with your new job, hope everything works out for you"

 

I didn't know what to do I started the NC rule and didn't reply, I love this girl to death and I know she's the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with.. I miss and apreciate the things she did for me now more than I ever have..

 

Sorry my post is so long I just figured the more info the better..I'm just so confused on what to do.

Edited April 26, 2011 by confusedman27

[dragonfly22]

Hi Confused, i'm going through the same thing, 5 year relationship, engaged, fiance broke up out of nowhere and then I found out he's got someone else. At the time of the breakup of course he didn't tell me he had someone else. He told me he had to sort himself out and yes, he did say he wanted to experience the single life and date other people, but he never said he already had a relationship with someone else. The thing is everytime I tell him I'm moving on, he kind of gives me hope in the form of "the future". He just tells me time will tell if we get back together or "i know we will be together again in a few years". This hurts me as he thinks I'm his plan B, you know just in case it doesn't work with his new girl. So I've gone strict NC and I honestly think you should too.

 

They are with someone else right now. I'm sure your relationship was just as perfect as mine (at least from our point of view) and you would fight for it until the end of times...I would too. But like I've read everywhere else here, it takes 2 for a working relationship and unfortunately they have decided not to fight and go and try somehing new instead. I'm sure people like you and me, who commit and who are willing to fight for things in rough times deserve better and we will find better, someone that can value that. In the meanwhile, I know how awfully hard this is. I spent all day crying yesterday. I'm a teacher and I could see my students (adults) looking at me like "poor girl, she must be having an awful time). It will get better...it HAS to.

[confusedman27]

I'm glad you replied and shared your own story, I was begining to think that nobody was going to..

 

I agree I think your situation is a lot like mine, it hurts so bad when they talk about the future.. they just wanna drag you along incase something goes wrong and It's not fair at all..

I continued NC today and its so hard to not talk to her, I miss her so much...

 

I know I'm gonna get a text in the next couple days and its gonna take everything I've got to stick with it..

[knathema]

My relationship is shorter compared to yours, but situation is similar in a away. I have been with her for almost 3 years, talked about marriage but i broke it off. And finally a week ago, she broke up with me. And yesterday i found out that she's seeing someone else. That is by far the worst feeling in the world. The pain is so unbearable that i have lost hope and interests in anything i do.

[reallyconfused2542]

im just starting NC today for real. i feel the same way. ex just said today that she didn't see it anymore but within the last few days we were txting so i don't know how she made the decision so fast. i think she's either dating someone or has a pretty close emotional friend. write down her her number, stash it somewhere thats a pain in the ass to get to and delete her number out of your phone. just read that advice today.

[timchambo]

Same story. 7 years, gave her all she asked for and more. Breaks off engagement to be "single". Find out within a couple days she's talking to a new guy. Still denies it 4 months later that she left for him, but it's obvious to everyone we know. Bottom line these people are selfish on a level we are not capable of. Cut all contact and trust everyone here when they say move on dont break NC. At someppint she will be in touch to relieve that guilt. Dont respond, she will only want to know you hear her BS excuses.

[Fufu]

I too, never expected my ex bf of 3 years to break up with me.

Bought engagement rings, going to get engage end of this year.

 

POOF, last year October just told me he wants to break up with me because we had so many differences. 3 years to feel that we have differences. It was indeed very very heartbroken.

 

However, no matter how harsh and bad the reality is, always accept it, accept the truth that we can always be a better and happier person without them.

[confusedman27]

I broke NC, but not on purpose..

 

I went to collect the last of my belongings.. (again) she wasn't supposed to be there but she stayed because she wanted to talk to me..

 

We talked about EVERYTHING I was there 5 hours, how much we missed eachother, things that we did wrong, good memories and bad.. I cried, she cried and at one point we were both crying together..

 

I was right about my first post, we talked about it and I asked her if she slept with her "friend" she told me the truth and said yes. She said they got drunk and she was mad at me and wanted me to hurt.

 

She told me she felt horrible and that it made her feel worse, she said they have no future together at all and was a retaliation towards me..

 

I told her i didn't hate her and i was sorry that i caused her to do that, because she's not that kind of person AT ALL. I forgave her..

 

Neither of us are really sure what the future is going to hold, I know she's who i wanna spend the rest of my life with and I've got some growing up to do..

 

She told me she's on the fence as to whether we could try it again in the future, I told her only time is gonna be able to decide that..

 

She said she wants to be friends right now and told me that if i couldn't be that she would understand..

 

I could go on and on but that's pretty much the very important points..

[bl22]

I broke NC, but not on purpose..

 

I went to collect the last of my belongings.. (again) she wasn't supposed to be there but she stayed because she wanted to talk to me..

 

We talked about EVERYTHING I was there 5 hours, how much we missed eachother, things that we did wrong, good memories and bad.. I cried, she cried and at one point we were both crying together..

 

I was right about my first post, we talked about it and I asked her if she slept with her "friend" she told me the truth and said yes. She said they got drunk and she was mad at me and wanted me to hurt.

 

She told me she felt horrible and that it made her feel worse, she said they have no future together at all and was a retaliation towards me..

 

I told her i didn't hate her and i was sorry that i caused her to do that, because she's not that kind of person AT ALL. I forgave her..

 

Neither of us are really sure what the future is going to hold, I know she's who i wanna spend the rest of my life with and I've got some growing up to do..

 

She told me she's on the fence as to whether we could try it again in the future, I told her only time is gonna be able to decide that..

 

She said she wants to be friends right now and told me that if i couldn't be that she would understand..

 

I could go on and on but that's pretty much the very important points..

 

Let me give you some advice here...whether you take it or not is up to you.

 

I was in your exact position around 6 months back now, not as long a relationship, but everything you say sounds like what happened to me. Same words, same reactions, same everything.

 

Right now, she doesnt respect you. Do you really think going over there and crying is going to do any harm. Let me tell you that you should not be letting her see you in this state, you in your most vunerable. Its the most unnattractive state you could possibly be in. What you need to do right now is man up! YES stop the crying pleading n begging (at least to her) and show you aint no pushover. She slept with another guy within days? That says it all, and yet you stil went over and told her you loved her blablabla (yes I was guilty of this too) but I wish I'd just gone 'I deserve a hell of a lot better than you good luck'

 

And not shown any weaknesses. If youwant any chance of getting back with her which right now is slim to none then you need to stop showing her weakness in an attempt to make her feel guilty and come back....doesnt work. Women are attracted to secure, strong minded, self respectful guys. Doesnt matter how good looking you are if you are totally insecure, crying, disrespecting yourself by stil allowing her to walk all over you then she will never find you attractive again.

 

Just say you respect her decision, and to please leave you alone now. Otherwise you run the risk of her rememebring you as a weak, desperate man. Its so hard but never let her see you in a weak state, come and post here instead!

Edited April 29, 2011 by bl22

[ironmanpower]

I was in a similar situation. We were dating for 3 years and were talking about marriage. I bought an engagement ring and proposed to her. She rejected my proposal and the following week, she wanted a breakup saying that she wanted to try a single life.

 

I tried to make it work but I realised a relationship is about 2 person. It takes 2 to make it work, not 1.

 

Few months later, heard she's seeing a new guy and is quite into him. I've stopped going to church to avoid seeing her and have been NC all this while. Life is better without her as she has broken all the promises she has made.