Bateman Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Got dumped last November. Stayed friends with her for a little bit but it was tearing me up inside. So I went NC for 3 months until I saw her out with friends the other night. I sent her an email that has gotten no response. I thought I had moved on but clearly I haven't. So I am back to square one and I am going to try and actually move on this time. I feel embarrassed for relapsing but I have some big changes coming up in my life. I am graduating college and getting tossed into the work force. A change I think will help. I am going to start working out and eating healthier when I get an appetite back and get some healthy sleep. Cutting back on drinking and might start going to church. I want her so badly but I also want to get over her because I can never have her again. Throughout the whole relationship, I wasn't sure if she was "the one" and it took me by surprise when I was devastated when she broke with me. I had no idea I could feel so low. She is my first love and this is my first broken heart...I want to get back to the guy I used to be.
stopthemadness Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Got dumped last November. Stayed friends with her for a little bit but it was tearing me up inside. So I went NC for 3 months until I saw her out with friends the other night. I sent her an email that has gotten no response. I thought I had moved on but clearly I haven't. So I am back to square one and I am going to try and actually move on this time. I feel embarrassed for relapsing but I have some big changes coming up in my life. I am graduating college and getting tossed into the work force. A change I think will help. I am going to start working out and eating healthier when I get an appetite back and get some healthy sleep. Cutting back on drinking and might start going to church. I want her so badly but I also want to get over her because I can never have her again. Throughout the whole relationship, I wasn't sure if she was "the one" and it took me by surprise when I was devastated when she broke with me. I had no idea I could feel so low. She is my first love and this is my first broken heart...I want to get back to the guy I used to be. Hi, your time line is about like mine. And i too have only been N/C for about 3 months. Its only when we start no contact that we really heal. Dont beat your self up about emailing her. Its done. Just dont do it again. Sounds like your doing all the right stuff. It will get better. Time will heal our broken hearts weather we want it to or not. I see my ex on the street in passing and it stings ya, but I get over it alot faster then i used to. Hang in there..No more emails..let time do its thing..Good luck
giveittofate Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Bateman, WOW, you're literally in the exact same shoes as me...so my ex broke up with me in November as well (worst time possible right around thanksgiving and ruined my christmas)...anyways like you, while I was with her I never knew if she was "the one"...I mean I loved the girl and enjoyed being with her and thought a ton about her, but I wasn't 100% on this is the girl i'll be with forever. I'm 24 and just graduated college a year and a half ago...and she was my first love and heartbreak as well...our whole downfall was she gave me ultimatums in a sense, and wanted kids and marriage sooner than i did...I'm more of the type of person who wants to be a big kid, have fun and still have timeto be immature and no worries...I definitely want kids and marriage, but NO WAY until i'm financialy set and have lived my own life...for her that didn't fit her time frame and well that was the end of it. I never thought I'd feel so devestated by such an event...ha, and just like you I ran into her for the first time a week ago...and yes it set me back...I'm definitely in a better place now, then I was around those holiday months (nov and decemeber) I had trouble eating, sleeping and she consumed my mind...now however I eat and sleep just find....occasional nightmare where she comesinto my dreams...of course I still think about her daily, but I guess little by little she's fading...i guess the main thing to think is how much you've gained and learned from this event...i know i'm a radically different person in terms of love and relationships and for that im grateful. relapses happen, (did to me)but i'm a firm believer in leaving in a respectful kind, loving way...so down the road she'll be haunted by what she lost...that's what I did...anyways man...i'm literally exactly where you are so don't feel bad...its a part of life...hard part to accept, but something that will make us a better person for the future...good luck in your healing
Jdw_Icequeen Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I have also been here since November.. I have been in NC for a little over 2 months. I did get an email from the ex about a month ago. Asking how our son was doing and how I was doing.. I replied that "he was fine.. Then a few days later I started to feel rage over his email.. Wtf? He left me with nothing we have a son and he has shown no interest in being a part of his life and being responsible and thats all he could say? I was strung along and dragged through a huge mess before deciding to go NC.. So I emailed him again.. It was just an email telling him how disgusted I was with his behaivor how irresponsible he was and how I couldn't forgive him for the things he has done.. Well my point being.. Should I have sent that email? No.. lol.. There was no reason to I was upset decided to vent. We all make mistakes right? Were hurt, some of us are angry.. So we make our mistakes.. I tried not to beat myself up over the issue. I just went back to NC I didn't even bother starting the contact all over again.. I just kept moving through.. I think the goals you set for yourself are great.. Just one day at a time we will get there..
Author Bateman Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 yeh it looks like we are all in very similar situations. Feel free to talk about issues in this thread. Today has been easier so far. I woke up feeling pretty low but I have had a busy day since and have been able to keep my mind off of her for at least a little while. I'm thinking about deleting my facebook for at least a little while. What makes it hard to keep it deleted though is that EVERYONE uses it and is very active on it. I know I can survive without it, I've done it before. If only everyone would delete their accounts. Memories of the other night when I saw her out still bother me. I know she was trying to avoid me but why? She wanted to be friends 3 months ago. She said it was awkward. I know she has gone on some dates with some guys but that's all i know. I don't think I want to know if she's found a steady boyfriend or not. It didn't seem like it the other night but that might be why she felt so awkward. I saw her give another guy her number so that kinda voids the whole new boyfriend thing. She stayed around her girlfriends a lot and I kept getting glances from her, like she was personally checking up on me. Oh well, I need to stop over thinking the situation and dwelling on it. It doesn't feel like it's getting me anywhere.
sandman223 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Bateman, WOW, you're literally in the exact same shoes as me...so my ex broke up with me in November as well (worst time possible right around thanksgiving and ruined my christmas)...anyways like you, while I was with her I never knew if she was "the one"...I mean I loved the girl and enjoyed being with her and thought a ton about her, but I wasn't 100% on this is the girl i'll be with forever. I'm 24 and just graduated college a year and a half ago...and she was my first love and heartbreak as well...our whole downfall was she gave me ultimatums in a sense, and wanted kids and marriage sooner than i did...I'm more of the type of person who wants to be a big kid, have fun and still have timeto be immature and no worries...I definitely want kids and marriage, but NO WAY until i'm financialy set and have lived my own life...for her that didn't fit her time frame and well that was the end of it. I never thought I'd feel so devestated by such an event...ha, and just like you I ran into her for the first time a week ago...and yes it set me back...I'm definitely in a better place now, then I was around those holiday months (nov and decemeber) I had trouble eating, sleeping and she consumed my mind...now however I eat and sleep just find....occasional nightmare where she comesinto my dreams...of course I still think about her daily, but I guess little by little she's fading...i guess the main thing to think is how much you've gained and learned from this event...i know i'm a radically different person in terms of love and relationships and for that im grateful. relapses happen, (did to me)but i'm a firm believer in leaving in a respectful kind, loving way...so down the road she'll be haunted by what she lost...that's what I did...anyways man...i'm literally exactly where you are so don't feel bad...its a part of life...hard part to accept, but something that will make us a better person for the future...good luck in your healing I feel exactly the same way as both of you. I loved my ex (unlike anyone before), but I wasn't 100% sure she was even the one. Days before the break-up I was telling family members that I wasn't 100% sure if I wanted to end up with her. A few days later I was completely stunned by the break-up. Your whole perception definitely changes after events like that. Perhaps we should be thinking that our egos were hurt more than are actual hearts?
Jdw_Icequeen Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 yeh it looks like we are all in very similar situations. Feel free to talk about issues in this thread. Today has been easier so far. I woke up feeling pretty low but I have had a busy day since and have been able to keep my mind off of her for at least a little while. I'm thinking about deleting my facebook for at least a little while. What makes it hard to keep it deleted though is that EVERYONE uses it and is very active on it. I know I can survive without it, I've done it before. If only everyone would delete their accounts. Memories of the other night when I saw her out still bother me. I know she was trying to avoid me but why? She wanted to be friends 3 months ago. She said it was awkward. I know she has gone on some dates with some guys but that's all i know. I don't think I want to know if she's found a steady boyfriend or not. It didn't seem like it the other night but that might be why she felt so awkward. I saw her give another guy her number so that kinda voids the whole new boyfriend thing. She stayed around her girlfriends a lot and I kept getting glances from her, like she was personally checking up on me. Oh well, I need to stop over thinking the situation and dwelling on it. It doesn't feel like it's getting me anywhere. Do your damndest to avoid any places she could be hanging out that would just be a nightmare.. You should just block her facebook so you can't see anything, that way you can still keep in touch with family and friends. I would also delete and of her friends or family you may have on it.. I did all this pretty much the first week we broke up and it really helped. I was checking it like 20 times a day at one point lol.. Yea the obsessive thoughts really do suck, mine have only started to get better over the last week. Start working on your goals there are alot of good things you can do for your mind aswell like meditation and there are alot of good guides to get started. Another good one that helped me for a while was the rubber band trick. Wearing one on your wrist and snap it whenever you start thinkin about her..
Author Bateman Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 I think it's becoming easier to get back on the track that I was before I saw her out. Actually making changes in my life is working wonders. Not much more to say right now. haha.
LCA1986 Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Bateman, I feel for your situation. My break up to my first love (2 years ago) was the toughest thing I have had to deal with, especially since my father had passed away 1 month before. But you know what? I learned tons from it, it helped me see and appreciate life a little more, learn more from me and mature. I can only tell you that time and patience are keys in this situation and, believe it or not, you will come stronger at the end. Right now, I am dealing with a second break up (with a different person), but it is nowhere near to how painful the first one was. Just take this time to find out more about yourself and to spend time working on your passions and goals. Good luck and keep your head up!
Author Bateman Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Bateman, I feel for your situation. My break up to my first love (2 years ago) was the toughest thing I have had to deal with, especially since my father had passed away 1 month before. But you know what? I learned tons from it, it helped me see and appreciate life a little more, learn more from me and mature. I can only tell you that time and patience are keys in this situation and, believe it or not, you will come stronger at the end. Right now, I am dealing with a second break up (with a different person), but it is nowhere near to how painful the first one was. Just take this time to find out more about yourself and to spend time working on your passions and goals. Good luck and keep your head up! Wow. Thanks a lot. That really does make me feel better. I'm sorry about your situation. It's good to know that you can handle breakups better after the first one.. Jeese...father passes away, then she breaks up with you? You should be made of stone now. haha.
LCA1986 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Wow. Thanks a lot. That really does make me feel better. I'm sorry about your situation. It's good to know that you can handle breakups better after the first one.. Jeese...father passes away, then she breaks up with you? You should be made of stone now. haha. Haha I wish. Heartbreaks wouldn't do anything to me if I was made of stone! It's still hard to deal with this second break up (otherwise I wouldn't be on LS, right?!) but now I have a better grip at it. I know what helps me and what doesn't help me. I haven't read much of your story, but I would suggest to delete/block her on facebook for a little while. It does help me a lot and avoids unwanted details about her personal life. Trust me, I know how you feel. I promise you, it will get better with time and every day that passes gets a little bit easier. Just take this experience and learn from it, make yourself better for the next person that comes along.
Author Bateman Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 I think I just realized why it was so awkward for her the other night... 3 months ago before I went NC I wrote a very long letter to her with all my feelings in it and actually sent it. I had totally forgotten about it until someone mentioned a letter in another thread and it got me thinking. Then somehow I found the letter on my computer...let me just say...embarrassing. haha. I felt awkward just reading it. yuck. Bad bad move. I feel disgusting for actually sending her that. I think I killed any chance (if I had any at all) with her. God I hope she forgets about that stupid letter. face+palm.
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