6wks of NC and feeling clear headed and indifferent yet still want her back

[loverboy1984]

Im in my 6wks of NC. Im studying for a medical board exam at the end of May and my ex knows it and so I believe this is why she hasnt contacted me yet, since she knows how important this is to me. Yet Im afraid to admit it but I feel good. I havent had a relapse in a week, I dont care what she is doing anymore, and not feeling in pain.

 

Im excited about where I am headed, going to be a doctor in a year and a half and I know I will meet quality woman who can appreciate me. Im proud to say I was in a 6yr relationship and didnt break her heart. Im also proud to say that Im man enough to admit my flaws and work on it and make changes. As a future Physician I need to look at the history, and treat the underlying problem not just the symptoms. Im a problem solver so I hope that at least I get another shot at working things out with her. I know either way I can be happy. Shes a Psychologist and she helps people solve their problems so I dont see why we cant make things work for ourselves.

 

Its funny feeling indifferent. It makes me feel like I dont care but I do. When I love someone I dont grow out of it or fall out of it. Its not like a shirt or shoe. I dont tell anyone I love them until I mean it. I guess my love for her is burried and will continue to get burried as time passes.

 

Just hope she sees the light and comes to the table to work things out. Ive already forgiven and begun to forget.

[Fufu]

If you have reach indifference, you won't want her back anymore. Which means you have not reach that stage yet. It's okay It takes time, don't have to force yourself too hard.

 

6 weeks of NC is remarkable

 

For now, concentrate on your exam only, other things and issues just cast them aside first.

 

All the best to your medical exam too.

[loverboy1984]

Thanks

 

When I say indifference I mean that I would be happy with either outcome. Not getting her back or getting her back. I still want her back but I wouldnt be crushed if it didnt work out. Meaning I love her but Im not gonna fight for it again if its not felt on her side.

 

I just feel my situation is a bit unique in that she let me go so I dont have to be in limbo while she took a break to focus on herself. I made her decide and pushed her to do so. She doesnt want drama for me now which is why I havent been bothered. I just hope she doesnt think Im angry at her or accepts that I wouldnt take her back. Im leaving the door open. I dont want any misunderstanding, and want her to know the perks of my love for her includes forgiveness. I want to be a gentleman about it and let it go gracefully if indeed thats what she wants.

 

I went NC within seconds of getting off the phone with her. FB,email, phone number all deleted. I didnt beg or plead but I did get a bit loud and emotional and told her she wont find anyone like me and that it was messed up for her to lead me on the days prior with lip service. I wished her luck and told her I cant be her friend then said bye.

 

Im not gonna break NC. I need her entrance into my life to be initiated by her, genuine, and natural.

[Fufu]

When I say indifference I mean that I would be happy with either outcome. Not getting her back or getting her back. I still want her back but I wouldnt be crushed if it didnt work out. Meaning I love her but Im not gonna fight for it again if its not felt on her side.

 

This makes sense for indifference

 

 

i don't think there's any misunderstanding, it happened. She chose it and decided it for herself. In fact, I find that you have handled your break up well, don't over-dwell or question yourself about it.

 

You are right on to say that if she ever wants to come back, it's going to be her initiative, genuinely and sincerely.

[loverboy1984]

Fufu

 

This may sound like grasping to straws but I see people here posting emails to see what other think so I thought I ask you this.

 

Below is a message she sent my sister 4 days after the break up to see how I was since I went NC. What do you think of it? I just want someone with an unbiased mind to read it.Thanks

 

I hate to involve you in this still, but I just wanted to ask how your bro is doing. He defriended me on FB, which I understand, but that still hurt. I know he's hurting, but I hope he's eating and still studying. Honestly, even though I'm upset about all of this and hate myself for what has happened, I've finally been able to focus on school and my clients now (did I mention I finally see clients!? I have three cases and will probably be taking on more soon). I just hope he is still studying. I hate that this happened while he's studying, but I couldn't keep him in limbo like this, it just wasn't fair. I do hope that when he's done studying and ready to talk to me again, that we will both be in a good enough place in our lives to try starting again. Right now though, we should each try our hardest to focus on our school and future careers. He shouldn't let anyone, especially not me, get in the way of his dream.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

I received the care package your mom sent me, and when I called to thank her, she was so sweet on the phone. I cried afterwards. I miss you guys so much. I hope everyone is doing good. I think about all of you all the time.

Anyway, hope you get to enjoy your spring break and congrats on being done with finals. Love you!

-A

[sabienne]

Hi loverboy

 

I hope you don't mind me bursting in on the thread with my opinions. I found her message very interesting. I think she really does still love and care for you, and your family. I think she does still want to be part of your life one day - whether that is as your partner or otherwise. However, I also think that you aren't a priority to her at the moment, and haven't been for a while. The reason? She said "I can finally focus on school and my clients" - finally is a very powerful word. It means someone has been thinking of something for a long time and here it is. Unless shes prone to exaggeration, im guessing that's it. I think she might also think you feel the same way, hence the constant references to medical school, or shes telling herself that to ease her guilt over what happened.

 

I have read a lot of your posts and I have to say that I think you are doing great. Youre an inspiration to people going through a breakup, as you seem to handling yourself with dignity, respect and maturity. I hope you things work out great for you!

[loverboy1984]

Sabienne

 

I really appreciate your kind words and your explanation. I think the reason she said she was able to finally focus on things is because we are in a LDR ( im in CA and shes in NY) and I call her sometimes and shes busy with something and the time difference makes it hard too. Then sometimes we argue and it frustrates her. We had a couple arguments over stupid things prior to this.

 

I will be honest with you. Im studying for the most important exam of my life. This determines what type of doctor I can be. Everyone I know studies for this with a clear mind. After my semester ended I came home and took a month off from studying to unwind,clear my head and hang out with her. Then a couple weeks after she went back to school she broke up with me.I was paralyzed after this but have got alot better. I feel like I can write a book about how I have coped.

 

My practice test scores are going up. Its not easy studying really complicated things with a broken heart and a clouded mind. Ive been doing it though. I still love her. I just hope this is temporary but my strength has made me better able to cope if this truly is the end.

 

thanks again for your reply

[Fufu]

Fufu

 

This may sound like grasping to straws but I see people here posting emails to see what other think so I thought I ask you this.

 

Below is a message she sent my sister 4 days after the break up to see how I was since I went NC. What do you think of it? I just want someone with an unbiased mind to read it.Thanks

 

I hate to involve you in this still, but I just wanted to ask how your bro is doing. He defriended me on FB, which I understand, but that still hurt. I know he's hurting, but I hope he's eating and still studying. Honestly, even though I'm upset about all of this and hate myself for what has happened, I've finally been able to focus on school and my clients now (did I mention I finally see clients!? I have three cases and will probably be taking on more soon). I just hope he is still studying. I hate that this happened while he's studying, but I couldn't keep him in limbo like this, it just wasn't fair. I do hope that when he's done studying and ready to talk to me again, that we will both be in a good enough place in our lives to try starting again. Right now though, we should each try our hardest to focus on our school and future careers. He shouldn't let anyone, especially not me, get in the way of his dream.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

I received the care package your mom sent me, and when I called to thank her, she was so sweet on the phone. I cried afterwards. I miss you guys so much. I hope everyone is doing good. I think about all of you all the time.

Anyway, hope you get to enjoy your spring break and congrats on being done with finals. Love you!

-A

 

 

My personal take on this

She does love and care about you.

 

However, (Sorry to use this)

it's not really a strong initiative from her side that she wants to be with you again based on the following:

 

that we will both be in a good enough place in our lives to try starting again. Right now though, we should each try our hardest to focus on our school and future careers.

 

Thus, it seemed to me she is still not sure of what she wants truly. Then, how about yourself? You have to be sure of what you want as well too.

 

I will recommend you to concentrate on your study first since your medical board exam is around the corner, this is your priority. After that, take some time (serious time, you don't have to rush to make a decision) to think about this relationship with her. Think logically and not emotionally.

 

Decision is always in your hand and I believe whatever decision you make, you will be fine and know what's best for yourself.

 

P.S. My previous relationship was LDR too and my ex is also studying medicine.

[loverboy1984]

Thanks so much.

 

You are right and I have been thinking of it. She was telling me couple days before the break up she knows we will end up together and she is surviving off this hope. Im not sure not if that was real or not but its something she has always said. So you think after my test If I decided I did indeed want her that I have a shot? and would it be ok then for me to contact her and break NC after 2.5 months?

[JasonRules]

Thanks so much.

 

You are right and I have been thinking of it. She was telling me couple days before the break up she knows we will end up together and she is surviving off this hope. Im not sure not if that was real or not but its something she has always said. So you think after my test If I decided I did indeed want her that I have a shot? and would it be ok then for me to contact her and break NC after 2.5 months?

 

 

Do not take what she says literally. My ex also said "I have very strong feelings for you, but I just can't be in a relationship with you right now". Also, she replied "I don't know" when I asked her if for her we are "done". If you read what she said, one might think "Ah, there is hope. She is leaving the door open", but her actions do not match her words.

 

If she did have strong feelings for me, she would have acted on these feelings and reached out to me, but almost 2 months later not a word from her. Never ever, rely on anyone's words. Look at their actions only.

 

You're doing good though; keep it up. Trust me, in 6 more weeks you won't even care because you'll start dating other girls.

[Fufu]

I agree with Jason, stick on to your NC. Words are merely words, actions speak a lot more.

 

You don't have to break NC. If she wants to be with you again, she will be the one making the initiative contact and action. Don't wait around for her.

[loverboy1984]

She also has a very important exam the day after me. I was thinking of sending her a letter a few days after that telling her hope she is well and that I agree with the break up and think we both needed this time apart. I thought about doing this because I wanted to iron out the rough way it ended with me being mad. Then again its expected that someone who loves you gets mad when you suddenly dump them right? and hopefully time would have ironed it out. She said in the above message that hopefully when Im ready to talk we can start over. So i feel like she wants me to initiate contact.

 

What do you think?

 

I dont want to initiate contact but I dont want her to think Im bitter and not over it either. I also hope she sees strength in me being in NC all this time and studying for something so important. Shes used to me being in touch daily with her especially around times when I have an exam so this would sure be unusual. She may take it as im furious at her, and thats not how I want to come across.