Moutonrose Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 this is going to be a long post so bear with me OKAY! so here is my story! I have been with my fiancé for 7 years...I was 17 and he was 16 when we started together. we moved into our first apt 3 years after we started cause we moved away to go to college. we both attended agriculture college. just 2 months ago he decided to call our relationship quits. why you may ask? well keep reading and you will understand. may 2009. my bf leaves for france for 3 months for a work term. I am confident that he will remain faithfull because I was always the love of his life. I manage to take care of the bills on my own by working around 50 hours a week on the sheep farm I was managing. I also manage too lose 40 lbs and I was happy. he comes back and I greet him at the airport but for some reason i feel he is different...I didnt think much of it at the time but today I kick myself saying'' why didnt I do something before'' so we get back to the apt and I realise that there is this weird feeling around...he shows me some pictures of his trip to france and i see alot of pictures of random girls....he tells me these were all friends he made up there, okay...that passes...then I see alot of pictures of him taken while he was drunk!!! he was never a heavy drinker and I see he had become it over there! so all of a sudden he starts buying bears and wine alot...and starts drinking everyday...and I feel he is getting distant.... he works full time at the local grocery store and manages it....we all know that most of the workers of a grocery store are teens so of course he makes ALOT of younger friends! whose mentality is very very different from his. yet again he got back from france in a party mode so he starts partying with these people back home and all of a sudden starts going out laot...atleast twice a week. being in a college town you can understand all the partys that go on...he starts going out more and more and staying out late and sometimes not even coming home...I get distant with him cause of that...and we start to fiht....all of sudden I find out that he is hanging a bit too much with this girl he works with....I confront him about it cause I am getting jealous...he tells me not to worry she is just a friend and thats it....not too funny when I find out he SLEEPS at her place! in january 2010 I get this email from an anonymus source who tells me my bf is cheating on me! I immeadiatly call him at work and he denies it...the next day he admits everything aand tells me he slept twice with her and that was it cause he was really really drunk!!! so stupid me I forgive him....we start working out our hard spots and he stops the drinkin and the going out...I was happy....until.... july 2010....we get into a downfall because I am being overly anxious around him and when he goes out sometimes with his young buddies...he find I am smothering and tells me that he needs his space for a few days...before I leave he tellls me that there was more than 2 times with this girl...it was around 10 times!!! he tells me he didnt want to tell me 10 times cause he was worried I would over react....ookay....again I forgive him...yes people I am that stupid. febuary 2011.....starts getting frisky witht he friends again and i start being a little more controlling....for a while....and he cant take it and sends me away for a week at my best friends....come back and find out that its not my home anymore and i need to leave...he decided to break up with me after 7 years cause he cannot deal with my disorder(I have borderline personality disorder) and he feels I am dragging him down....I cry, I panic, I break things....then call my parents cause I had no where else to go...they pick me up the next day. he tells me rightbefore I leave''dont worry this is temporary...get your head under control and we will be able to get back together...I love you too much'' I leave that town with hope and a heart full of pain...I find out a couple days later that he is staying at one of our common girl friends house....I call him up cause it was the day we were supppose to communicate(he told me before I left taht he would call every wensday to see how I was doing and stuff) to see hwat that was all about and he tells me that he was staying there cause he wasnt able to stay at our apt cause it reminded him of too many memories and of me. I dont buy it....I get angry and tell him '' you tell me you still love me and you go out and sleep with some other girl like that??'' he tells me he isntsleeping with here but **** I cantbeleive that! the week after my best friend drops by the apt to give him the spare key I had given her...the house is full of wine bottles and beer bottles everywhere...apparently he had gotten back onto the wine and ****. he invites her for a drink of wine and he starts talking and talking....he gets onto some stuff worth more than gold...he starts saying that he hasnt been faithfull to me for more than 2 years. he cheated on me in france, and during the time he has been back...he cheated on me with many girls here and over there. and it was more than 10 times with that friend apparetly....wow....he told her he stopped loving me for over 2 years and was just lying to me.... so here is the big stuff....every day for the past 2 years was a lie!!! everyday he would lie and lie...he would say he loved me but that was a lie...tell me we were gonna get married this summer but that was a lie, take me for a trip this year....start a family, buy a house....lies, lies ,lies....he was a good liar too he never seemed fake but he was!!! I cannot get over how someone can lie to your face each day and be able to sleep at night...not feel remorsefull at all for everything he has done. he hasnt said sorry for anything!!!! and again he still lies to this day!!! today he ****ing acts like a 17 year old and I think thats what happend 2 years ago...he realised he never had his teenage years and is now acting out on it....wants to do all the crazy chicken stuff.and he is alot worse since I left...he is dancing at the clubs with 17 year olds and drinks alot more...he dropped out of college and just goes out and out after work...he is pretty pathetic...but i feel lost....empty and angry... I'm lost cause I cant beleive all the lies! its so much too take in!!! Im empty cause I lost all my independence... Ihad too leave my job, school and therapy clinic cause I needed to move back home with my parents for the time being...cause I wasnt able to pay the apt alone...and I am angry...how the hell can he treat people like this!!! its been 2 months and I feel ike its only been 2 weeks! I keep having night mares...and I keep wakin up miserable....I cant beleive all the stuf fhe has done and not feel one bit remorsefull...how can this be ****ing possible...can anyone help me?
ilovedhim Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Sorry for your pain. This was a lot to take in and as I was reading it I cried because I wondered if my ex was doing the same to me. Some people just don't have a conscience. Are you in contact with him? It seems to me you should cut off all contact with so you can start healing. I don't know what else to say except this guy certainly doesn't deserve your love. And shame on him for using your disorder as a weapon. But you have to teach yourself to let go and stop being angry. It will take up youur energy. Energy you could be using for more productive things.
Author Moutonrose Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) Sorry for your pain. This was a lot to take in and as I was reading it I cried because I wondered if my ex was doing the same to me. Some people just don't have a conscience. Are you in contact with him? It seems to me you should cut off all contact with so you can start healing. I don't know what else to say except this guy certainly doesn't deserve your love. And shame on him for using your disorder as a weapon. But you have to teach yourself to let go and stop being angry. It will take up youur energy. Energy you could be using for more productive things. well we were in contact the first 2 weeks via phone...he would still lie on the phone telling me lies again and again....stupid me beleived him......then I found out the real deal and stopped calling and told him never to callme again...he would contact me for all our joint stuff like the account and credit card via email...got his last email few days ago and he was able to tick me off cause of that....just by aking how are you doing, are you still at your parents? do you have a job yet? and then acts like he cares!!! I email him back crying saying''why do you pretend to care why why why!!!!''' stop emailing me!!!! he emails me back saying I want to remeber our first years together....bull****! what ticks me off is how can his friends respect how he is treating women...and how they think its not terrible what he has done to me....I fell so lost its horrible...I am always moody and sad...I hate being at square one again...the game of life sucks! i am trying to let go....its not easy...because that is the probleme...I have no idea who I am anymore!!!! he was me and I was him!!! my happiness was in his hands and all I needed to be happy was him!!!! big big mistkae!!! please do not do the same mistake I did!!! cause for now I only have one friend and thats it!!! and its complicated having your parents trying to help you. Edited April 26, 2011 by Moutonrose
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