Dash123 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Okay this is really tough for me to get over. So heres the story... This past friday me and my girlfriend went out with my older brother and his girlfriend. We ended going to a couple of bars in our area, and while my girlfriend and my brothers girlfriend are best friends, they seemed to always be doing their own thing at the bar, like being approached by other guys and beginning convos. I personally have no problem with this as I trusted my girlfriend not to do anything. After going to a couple of bars, the same thing is always occuring, shes off doing her own thing. I still have no problem with it. Until we end up at our last bar and I meet up with my other 2 brothers, she and my brother's girlfriend are talking to a group of guys. They end up talking for a while, and she singles out a guy and begins to talk to him solely. I see this all go down in front of me. The guy slips her his phone and she types her number and name in it. I become furious, because we have talked about not giving out information when we are out together. She tells me that the group of guys are having a pregame cookout to a concert they are going to, and she was invited by him because she is going to the concert aswell with her friends. Which I viewed as very shady. I could not believe what had happened, especially in front of me and my family. I decided to leave the bar on my own immediately and to ultimately break up with her the next night over the phone. She has been crying nonstop according to my brother's girlfriend. I feel terrible, but I must move on. I have been using the no contact rule for the past 3 days. Officially the worst days ever. Please any advice would help. Thanks
Scorpio6913 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Okay this is really tough for me to get over. So heres the story... This past friday me and my girlfriend went out with my older brother and his girlfriend. We ended going to a couple of bars in our area, and while my girlfriend and my brothers girlfriend are best friends, they seemed to always be doing their own thing at the bar, like being approached by other guys and beginning convos. I personally have no problem with this as I trusted my girlfriend not to do anything. After going to a couple of bars, the same thing is always occuring, shes off doing her own thing. I still have no problem with it. Until we end up at our last bar and I meet up with my other 2 brothers, she and my brother's girlfriend are talking to a group of guys. They end up talking for a while, and she singles out a guy and begins to talk to him solely. I see this all go down in front of me. The guy slips her his phone and she types her number and name in it. I become furious, because we have talked about not giving out information when we are out together. She tells me that the group of guys are having a pregame cookout to a concert they are going to, and she was invited by him because she is going to the concert aswell with her friends. Which I viewed as very shady. I could not believe what had happened, especially in front of me and my family. I decided to leave the bar on my own immediately and to ultimately break up with her the next night over the phone. She has been crying nonstop according to my brother's girlfriend. I feel terrible, but I must move on. I have been using the no contact rule for the past 3 days. Officially the worst days ever. Please any advice would help. Thanks No, you did the right thing man, if this incident didn't happen in front of you now, something else would've happened in the future, with or without you seeing it. She blatently disrespected you & you don't want to be with someone like that!
Rosa Tamora Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Hi there, I read your post, and I am wondering if she invited you to go as well? I mean, yes, it was silly of her to take phone numbers down and that IS disrespectful, i know I'd be pissed! But if she told you about it, did she say she wants you to go too? Hmm...this is kinda tricky. I knew something similar like this happened to a guy friend of mine years ago. His gf always had this guy hanging around her and would only want to have her when HE's not around. Shady, right? Why would you want to hang out with a girl but say "oh, only you, not your boyfriend". The girl entertains this and says "we are only friends" but at the same time doesn't let her boyfriend follow her when she meets up with this guy. What the heck? Where are the boundaries? In the end, it broke the relationship in two. So this is why I'm asking if she wants you to go with her. If she does want you to be there WITH her during that pregame, then, maybe you might want to talk to her again and ask her what her intentions were? Was she trying to make you jealous? What is the core issue here? Can she understand and emphatize why it made you feel awful? If you think she can, lay out where your boundaries lie with this girl. Make it clear that in a committed relationship, you just don't go passingi out phone numbers at bars. Not cool. On the other hand, you might be afraid she might do this again to you. It's up to you. I'm just offering a girl's perspective here. It's normal to feel jealous, but I don't know you should storm off without explaining why it made you mad in the first place. Nor should you make a decision when you're upset like that. My ex just broke up with me TWICE since January. First time in January I didn't even know what the heck I said. I made some comment about some stupid girl he added on FB to his cousin (it's just FB for crying out loud) and he got pissy, came home and ended it with me. What? I don't even know what I did!! I cried and cried! Next day he came back to me, only to end things 6 weeks. Again. *sigh. Let us know what you will do. I'm interested.
Chi townD Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 only you can answer the question if you were right or not. Personally, if she did this in front of you, what has she been doing when you're not around?
collegeguy_24 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 From reading the OPs post, here is what I think happened: His GF took another guys number, and said she was going to the concert with her girlfriends, but he wasn't going so his GF would be hanging out with some dude and his guy friends, alone. That sounds fishy, and even if his GF is not one to cheat, things happen all the time, getting to drunk, roofies, etc. But one of the core issues is this: Knowing her BF was there she openly went against her word and gave another man, a single man, her number. That is blatant disrespect, and no man should tolerate that. You are man, you deserve better then that.
Hhhh Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Wow, that's a huge red flag. You did the right thing you probably dodged a bullet by breaking up with her. I Obvisously don't know you, but I would like to assume you deserve better that. Anyways this is your new home continue NC and visit us whenever you feel upset or having weak moment
Hopeless Girl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 When I was with my boyfriend from 2008 to 2009 I took guys phone numbers all the time.. I never called them and when they called or texte me I replied but never going out alone with them.. obviously ignoring them after was easier... its not bad to make friends.. obviously u have to know how to handle the situation and if that person tried something Id tell them hey I have boyfriend cause I respected him and loved him.. thats her life u cant control what she does and she straigh forward told you what it was all about.. I loved my boyfriend so much and just because I gave guys #s or they gave me theirs didnt mean I was gonna cheat and I never contacted them..
Hopeless Girl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) cont. And to answer your question... no, you are not in the right... this shows a lot about you and not talking it over cause ur afraid of something happening.. it just shows ur a jealous person ... cause in the end she straightforward told you what it was all about... u cant control her.. cause even though u "didnt care" that she was talking to other guys in the other bars anyways u mentioned it and just for this one "incident" u decide to dump her .. you are not a man Edited April 26, 2011 by Hopeless Girl
Hhhh Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 In his defense, you can obviously tell he doesn't have trust issues because he allows her to do her own thing at bars. I still think he is in the right because she breached his trust by giving her number to someone else. She could have Mentioned she is in a commuted relationship. By giving her number to this other guy shows she was curious to what would have happened if he calls. That concert thing is a bogus excuse after she got caught. I don't want to tell you what to do next because I honestly I have no clue. I just want you (OP) to read the sign before you fall into a deeper hole in the future.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 In his defense, you can obviously tell he doesn't have trust issues because he allows her to do her own thing at bars. I still think he is in the right because she breached his trust by giving her number to someone else. She could have Mentioned she is in a commuted relationship. By giving her number to this other guy shows she was curious to what would have happened if he calls. That concert thing is a bogus excuse after she got caught. I don't want to tell you what to do next because I honestly I have no clue. I just want you (OP) to read the sign before you fall into a deeper hole in the future. No.. let me first tell that maybe she was interested in these concert event that she mentioned... if it were a guy who studies I dunno art and there was an art exhibition that he knew and I liked the idea I would exchange numbers... i would obviously tell him about what went down... but to dump her? just like that? .. he is not right ... he has no right to tell her who to be friends with as long as nothing get close and personal .. he is being controlling period
Hopeless Girl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 And another thing.. this is why relationships dont last.. trust issues ... think about it
Hhhh Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 No.. let me first tell that maybe she was interested in these concert event that she mentioned... if it were a guy who studies I dunno art and there was an art exhibition that he knew and I liked the idea I would exchange numbers... i would obviously tell him about what went down... but to dump her? just like that? .. he is not right ... he has no right to tell her who to be friends with as long as nothing get close and personal .. he is being controlling period As I mentioned in my previous post, I don't want to tell him how to move with his situation, but I think he is in the right to let her go anytime he wishes. If he believe if her giving her number out to another guy is a an issue then it is an issue.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 As I mentioned in my previous post, I don't want to tell him how to move with his situation, but I think he is in the right to let her go anytime he wishes. If he believe if her giving her number out to another guy is a an issue then it is an issue. Yea well its not an issue getting dumped over for. She will not take him seriously.
b89 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I think you largely did the right thing, but this is coming from someone who is quite jealous by nature. As it was said, if she did that in fron of you what was she doing when you werent there? Lets say for a moment you didnt react to happened. Now imagine for a moment if she went to the concert with this guy, his friends, her friends. What sort of person are you? Would you have questioned her afterwards? That wouldve put strain on the relationship big time, and whats more there would have been your uncertainty and undoubtably her friends telling you one thing then another and you wouldnt have known what to make of it. As someone said, you dodged a bullet. You got out before she could hurt you. But, only you know her well enough to know if the threat was real.
Rosa Tamora Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 From reading the OPs post, here is what I think happened: His GF took another guys number, and said she was going to the concert with her girlfriends, but he wasn't going so his GF would be hanging out with some dude and his guy friends, alone. That sounds fishy, and even if his GF is not one to cheat, things happen all the time, getting to drunk, roofies, etc. But one of the core issues is this: Knowing her BF was there she openly went against her word and gave another man, a single man, her number. That is blatant disrespect, and no man should tolerate that. You are man, you deserve better then that. This is true, but what if she is oblivious how much this hurt him? I mean, what if she was one of those chicks that just had no clue this would make her man mad with jealousy? Is this the first time she's done this? I mean, does she actually know she's not supposed to do this. Sometimes some people just don't know. And so this is where clear and honest communication steps in. Sure, you'd think everyone should have some kind of built in chip telling you what you should and shouldn't do in a relationship. Like my ex, adding some hot chick he doesn't know on Facebook. When I ask him about it because i"m curious, he gets pissy about it. I reserve the right to know and ask questions, and yet it;s like he doesn't know that adding some random girl he doesn't know isn't going to make me wonder why or ask questions. Shouldn't he know that I think it's weird he adds some girl on FB? He should know I will want to ask questions bout this person right? Well, some men, and some women, just have no clue I guess. It's like they need a relationship manual or something. "HOw Not to Piss off Your Boyfriend/ Girlfriend" She shouldn't have given her phone number out to a single guy. That was stupid of her, but I can't help but wonder if some kind of agreement or meeting of minds in the middle path will work for this couple?
Rosa Tamora Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Communication is key. I want to repeat that she shouldn't have given her phone number out like that, but I don't think a decision should have been made while you were upset!
Author Dash123 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 We have talked about not giving out our information before. Probably about three-four times. She said she would get upset if I gave a girl my number and I told her the same. I dont know what to think. To me she must have other intentions than to be with me. I have treated her so incredibly. We have been together for four months and I even took her on a vacation to Puerto Rico to meet my family. But to do that crap in front of my family, I view as complete disrespect and embarrassment. I have lost trust in her, as a matter of fact I no longer know who she is. Im sorry its just hard to move on, but Im a man and can get over it. Hopeless Girl- She never invited me to the concert and what if I never asked her if she gave that guy her number? What if she just hid it from me? I feel like im just looking out for myself and not trying to get hurt in the long run.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) Let's get this out of the way first: Don't take advise from hopeless people in general. More specifically, if you are a guy, don't take advise from girls. (especially concerning the content of your post.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that the worst people to listen to are hopeless girls. I'm glad that there are none on this forum. wait....there is one. (...But her grammar is all ****ed up so don't take her insights too seriously.) Now, about your dilemma: you did the right thing. You know that, she knows that. (Hence the remorseful crying...) Here's what it's NOT: a trust issue, an overreaction, a false move sparked by heated emotion. Here's what it IS: a blatant showcase of disrespect. In front of your brothers too? Damn...there is no question here. Pick your battles, draw the lines, and stick to what you BELIEVE. Here's what I believe: you did the right thing. But then again, what do I know? I'm just a hopeful guy. Dont take advice from hopeless people? wtf does that mean? U feel better and wiser that u mentioned me a few times and tried to make me feel bad? Buhu im so hurt ... you really dont know what ur talking about ... now as Dash said they talked about not giving info to other people i guess thats established and she didnt respect that. Im just saying.. she straightforward told him what it was all about... and if she didnt invite him well thats wrong of her... and ur advice was stupid ... and here's what I believe: ur an idiot DASH: Yo no conozco tu relacion ni nada pero yo antes por lo menos cogia numeros de tipos a cada rato y nunca era con esa intencion ni tampoco para en un futuro .. deberias hablarle para aclarar las cosas si en verdad dices que la quieres o si de verdad quieres estar con ella ... y es verdad lo que dice james.mcgill ... lo hizo al frente de tu hermano eso esta mal ... Edited April 26, 2011 by Hopeless Girl
Graceful Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Unless you are both 14 years old or younger, this behavior does not cut it. It's immature at best, and a blatent disregard for your feelings. She needs to learn that this sort of behavior is not what people do when they're in a relationship. If you were "hanging out" then maybe. If you're dating, then no. So move on. Yes, it will hurt, but it will hurt a lot more to try to justify this sort of ridiculous behavior. She showed you who she is and how her mind works, and that's not the girl you want to stand by, now is it?
Rosa Tamora Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 James McGill wrote: "More specifically, if you are a guy, don't take advise from girls. (especially concerning the content of your post.)" Don't take advice from girls? Why the sexist attitude? Because our comments aren't good enough for you? We're offering another point of view here. I mean, that is why alot of men flock here for advice, right? To get a point of view? Get off your high horse James. We all know more than one or two men who secretly wished they got advice from a level headed female concerning matters of the heart before they decided to jump the gun! The fact that his gf is crying could mean two things: remorse/ regret and heartbreak. But why is she remorseful? Because she did something wrong. And she did something wrong because....quite possibly didn't know it would piss him off so much? Maybe the conversation that you guys had about not handing out phone numbers to other people just didn't stick in her thick head, I don't know. I know most people in a healthy, committed relationship wouldn't do that. But again, some people are clueless about these things...it's like they don't know where to draw the line. The fact that she didn't invite Dash to the concert is really shady to me. I'm sorry you have to experience this. At first when I posted I was posting my perspective, that maybe she was telling you up front to be honest about it, but now knowing that she didn't actually ask you to go with her, seems wrong to me. Why would you want to go to a concert some single guy invited you, and not have you beloved go with you? Doesn't make sense. I'm so sorry Dash. I know this hurts, but it sounds like even after many conversations you had with her, she still did this to you. It would be different if she asked you to go with her or if you guys NEVER had a talk about this. You don't trust her now, and that is something very hard to reclaim, trust me, I went through the same thing with my ex where he wanted to meet up with his stupid ex-gf but not have me there with him. What the heck??! Whatever happened to boundaries? I realized i could never fully trust him after that. Move on. There is a girl out there who will honour your love and relationship better than this one.
collegeguy_24 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 We have talked about not giving out our information before. Probably about three-four times. She said she would get upset if I gave a girl my number and I told her the same. That there above, that is all you need. You both set boundaries and she crossed them knowing full well what she was doing.
Author Dash123 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 What are your guys opinion, if she calls me soon? Still regretful and remorseful. I mean I have not seen her since that night and have not talked since the day after when I broke it off. This is really hard for me, because she was like a sister and best friend to me. I miss her, I don't know what to do. This is a really really hard time for me.
dng Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 That there above, that is all you need. You both set boundaries and she crossed them knowing full well what she was doing. THIS. I dated a girl like that on and off for 9 years and I can only strongly advise against it. Each boundary crossed just meant a new one for her to find when she was done waiting the NC out and done with the crying herself back into my life with promises of never doing XXXXX again. You made the right call. Otherwise I promise you its all downhill from there.
silvermane187 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Way to stand up for yourself and not be a doormat. Giving out her number to a random guy in a bar that invited her to a concert is a huge red flag. Considering the fact you two had already communicated that it was unacceptable. Two thumbs up buddy.
The_411 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 James McGill is spot on. Hopeless girl, your advice is pure rubbish. When a woman asked for a guys number in front of your friends especially when you've discussed it previously it means she doesn't respect you. If you let her back in you're giving her the ok to cross your boundaries. Set your rules and consequences at the beginning of a realtionship for yourself that way if a girl does something you follow your guidelines. In this case you are completely in the right. Women love to shame guys into pvssies so they can control them. It's load of crap it's also why you see so many women cheating and wearing pants in relationships. If this is the first transgression then you have to make her walk through hell to get back. It may not even be worth it to be honest.
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