Author Confusedlove1 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I feel you mate. Me and my girl have been dating that long as well, her longest relationship and I am the closest she has ever been to someone romantically. The best thing we can do is cut the ropes. The worst thing we can do is spill our hearts to them. They both know we care and love them, that isn't the issue. And we both know deep down they care for us. NC has a way of bringing out the positive. Humans tend to look at things in a better light retrospectively. It is an adaptive mechanism. Pull away and make her miss you, if she still has romantic feelings for you she will come around. But only if you are strong and don't break NC until she is ready to say something worth hearing.
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 i was thinking about waiting 2 weeks and then asking her if she wanted to go hiking at the place that i first took her. i think by then i should be ok to handle the rejection if thats what its going to be
Author Confusedlove1 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 To be honest with you I think that is a bad idea. Two weeks is nothing. I have been 3 weeks strong but all it would take is one rejection to throw me back to day 1. I know it isn't what you want to hear but you have to stay strong. It is your biggest chance of reconciling and rekindling her feelings while letting you heal. Wait for her to contact you. I promise she will, a year is not a trivial amount of time. If you stay with NC she will be contacting you, whether it is in 2 days or 2 weeks or 2 months. It will happen, and if by then you still want to reconcile you can work that out, but you might find by that time you just don't care anymore.
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 haha i knew that was coming but your really probably right.its just that i have this feeling like if i don't fight or try for this that it'll just be one more regret that i have in life. like i didn't do enough to try and get her back.you know what i mean? and then what if i spent all this time waiting for someone and in the end there gone for good. what happened to that time i wasted and would it have been a waste if i had just tried?
Author Confusedlove1 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I know it is the hardest thing in the world to not call her. But look at from her point of view, she is confused, I think very rarely do caring relationships end with no regret. We humans live for attachment and are capable of great empathy. In my experience, EVERY girl I have dated and had a positive relationship with came back into my life in one way or another. Let me tell you a story. I date this girl for 1.5 years, she ended it and I took it really hard. But I went the route of NC. I never tried to persuade her. 4 months later she texts me and 2 weeks later we are on the phone and she is professing her love for me. But by then I didn't care, it was over. Another girl I dated for 2 years broke it off with me, I begged and pleaded for months to no avail. I finally pulled away and moved on. A few months later she was at my gig telling me she regretted ever letting me go. In the end your girl wanted out, but people generally don't leave with both feet out of the door. They want to keep you around so they can slowly ease away. By using NC you are basically throwing them out of the door. In many ways you are the one who is the dumper in that situation. They are not expecting you to disappear and frankly they do not want you to disappear. It is in some ways a terrible psychological trick but one that you have to use for yourself to move on. Contacting her is going to be like running into a brick wall over and over again. You have to show her that you have value outside of her. That you can lead a great happy life without her. And there is nothing more attractive than that. Confidence my friend! If you truly want her back, follow that advice otherwise you are just going to keep getting hurt!
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 thanks man, that really helped. i just have to be strong over these next couple of weeks. only other crappy thing is that shes prob gonna move away at the end of the summer.then what if i dont hear from her. maybe that why i feel rushed also.
Author Confusedlove1 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I am English, most of my girls have been American. In this day there is no such thing as being rushed. Between phone calls, text messages, facebook, email, myspace, etc we are more connected now than ever before. The first girl I told you about lived in LA, I was in London...she still called me up 4 months later and things could have worked out then. Don't feel rushed mate, miles don't mean anything to your heart.
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 thanks, that helped a lot...day one is almost over
Recommended Posts