soulm8 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 My online dating profile shows me as a conservative dresser. Is it just me, or are there other women finding the men they're meeting online are commenting on how we're "not showing much skin"? I'm talking about meeting for the first time over a coffee... not even a dinner date. What do they expect? How are others dressing that makes my attire seem so frumpy and covered up in comparison? Conservative = business casual Is it simply a ploy to see if I'll dress down to try and please him next time? What ever happened to getting to know someone based on their personality? Seriously, how can a guy in jeans and a t-shirt complain that I showed up as if I was headed into the office? Gimme a break. This has happened a few times to me now.
Nexus One Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) My online dating profile shows me as a conservative dresser. Is it just me, or are there other women finding the men they're meeting online are commenting on how we're "not showing much skin"? I'm talking about meeting for the first time over a coffee... not even a dinner date. What do they expect? How are others dressing that makes my attire seem so frumpy and covered up in comparison? Conservative = business casual Is it simply a ploy to see if I'll dress down to try and please him next time? What ever happened to getting to know someone based on their personality? Seriously, how can a guy in jeans and a t-shirt complain that I showed up as if I was headed into the office? Gimme a break. This has happened a few times to me now. Ignore such men. They're quite likely not the type of man you're looking for. Some guys visit dating websites to get free sex, such men will probably be interested in seeing more of your skin than getting to know you. A man can already determine if he's physically attracted to you from seeing your face and body type. There's no need to see any "additional" skin for men to be able to determine those things. If men push you to show more skin, then they're after something else. Edited April 25, 2011 by Nexus One
daphne Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I've never had anyone suggest to me that I show more skin, and not because I'm already showing a lot. My profile is pretty conservative as well. If anyone brought that up, I'd realize we're incompatible. That being said, barring the dingbat guys who want you to show more skin you can still dress cute for dates while being conservative. There's something a little less feminine about most corporate female attire. I tend to wear a top that's a bit more feminine or skirt and heels. I have noticed a difference between how I dress regularly for work and when I toss in something more feminine. It may chnage how you dress for work when you notice that guys notice you a lot more often. It's worth a test drive.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 perhaps he felt under-dressed. if that's the way you dress, you shouldn't change it for someone else.
orangelady Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Ignore such men. They're quite likely not the type of man you're looking for. Some guys visit dating websites to get free sex, such men will probably be interested in seeing more of your skin than getting to know you. A man can already determine if he's physically attracted to you from seeing your face and body type. There's no need to see any "additional" skin for men to be able to determine those things. If men push you to show more skin, then they're after something else. This is very true. That's where girls are deluded. A lot of my girlfriends would dress revealingly to get a guy to notice. Yes, to notice them, is that's what they get. But to get a guy to fall in love with you is another story. But yeah, men can already imagine you naked even if you wore a burkah. So don't do that to yourself. How you dress sends out a message and you don't want to send out the wrong messages.
Author soulm8 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Really? I usually wear a button up and a pair of jeans and some heels. I consider that conservative but I don't walk around with my boobs hanging out. Best not to attract a guy that way IMO. I agree Cynthiacts. You just date for superficial reasons. Thank you for the insightful post RP39. Ignore such men. They're quite likely not the type of man you're looking for. Some guys visit dating websites to get free sex, such men will probably be interested in seeing more of your skin than getting to know you. A man can already determine if he's physically attracted to you from seeing your face and body type. There's no need to see any "additional" skin for men to be able to determine those things. If men push you to show more skin, then they're after something else. I couldn't agree with you more Nexus One. I never would have agreed to meet them in the first place had I known they were so superficial. I've never had anyone suggest to me that I show more skin, and not because I'm already showing a lot. My profile is pretty conservative as well. If anyone brought that up, I'd realize we're incompatible. That being said, barring the dingbat guys who want you to show more skin you can still dress cute for dates while being conservative. There's something a little less feminine about most corporate female attire. I tend to wear a top that's a bit more feminine or skirt and heels. I have noticed a difference between how I dress regularly for work and when I toss in something more feminine. It may chnage how you dress for work when you notice that guys notice you a lot more often. It's worth a test drive. Completely incompatible! The weird part is, they mention it after the fact... after a pleasant date. It's as if they think it'll encourage me to step up my "game". Daphne, it's not corporate, it's business casual... like a blouse or tasteful top with jeans. I do take first impressions into consideration. Plus, I have long hair and most love my look. perhaps he felt under-dressed. if that's the way you dress, you shouldn't change it for someone else. TokyoG33kyGal, one actually pointed out (after the fact) that he specifically wore nice shoes because he wanted to make a good first impression. Great! I don't care about your shoes or your attire so much... I'm meeting you to see if we can carry on a conversation, how you carry yourself, and if there's a mutual attraction! There's plenty of women who want to show off their skin on the net... meet them if that's all you want. I agree with you too Orangelady!
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 i think the best approach next time is to tell them what you just said sans the bold part I don't care about your shoes or your attire so much... I'm meeting you to see if we can carry on a conversation, how you carry yourself, and if there's a mutual attraction! There's plenty of women who want to show off their skin on the net... meet them if that's all you want. i also get nervous about first impressions but it helps me relax if my date will tell me to "relax, it is all right" or "i don't mind, just be yourself." but if they're plain criticizing about the way you dress then just ignore them like Nexus said.
daphne Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Completely incompatible! The weird part is, they mention it after the fact... after a pleasant date. It's as if they think it'll encourage me to step up my "game". Daphne, it's not corporate, it's business casual... like a blouse or tasteful top with jeans. I do take first impressions into consideration. Plus, I have long hair and most love my look. Ahh. I was under the impression you might be committing the cardinal sin of dark colors and man cut clothes. If you're doing that (cute tops and jeans) and have the long hair, then you're doing it my way. It must be right!
Author soulm8 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 The first guy who brought it up, ended up getting a real earful from me. The second guy, not so much! I just instantly recognized he wasn't worth my time. Besides, it's plain common sense, really.
Author soulm8 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Ahh. I was under the impression you might be committing the cardinal sin of dark colors and man cut clothes. If you're doing that (cute tops and jeans) and have the long hair, then you're doing it my way. It must be right! you bet!
daphne Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 The first guy who brought it up, ended up getting a real earful from me. The second guy, not so much! I just instantly recognized he wasn't worth my time. Besides, it's plain common sense, really. Maybe filter harder? Give them the daphne treatment. You'll go out with 1/300 people who write. Any hint of craziness, perversion, disrespect or douchebaggery and they're out.
Author soulm8 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Maybe filter harder? Give them the daphne treatment. You'll go out with 1/300 people who write. Any hint of craziness, perversion, disrespect or douchebaggery and they're out. Oh Daphne! Trust me... I probably go out with 1/600! I'm now at the point where I can't even seem to get excited about replying to messages any more. I'm just taking a breather for now and hope I can get my optimism back.
spiderowl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 No, it's not just you. There are several ways in which guys make a sexual approach and make it clear that's their primary interest. That comment is just one. Others might include asking you for more pictures, msn address, webcam, asking you your dress size and what you like wearing. It's pretty clear what they are focused on. You can expect this kind of interest from most young men with a sex drive but I have to say most decent guys can restrain themselves from pushing it. If they persist in these kinds of questions, you have to ask yourself whether you want to meet someone who is more keen on looking at your skin and body than talking to you.
daphne Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Oh Daphne! Trust me... I probably go out with 1/600! I'm now at the point where I can't even seem to get excited about replying to messages any more. I'm just taking a breather for now and hope I can get my optimism back. Sister, you and me both!!!!! I used to have fun with it but now, I am just waiting for the guy to be an ass or a complete flake or have an ex lurking in the background. My breather requires an Italian phrase book, camera, bikini and walking shoes. Oh, and a buncha Italian cuties.
BobSacamento Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 The man lacks subtlety. If the man has to ask then he's doing something wrong.
spiderowl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 "The man lacks subtlety." Wow, that's it in a nutshell! This is the thing I so often find with guys online, no subtlety. I think subtlety is linked with intelligence.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 My online dating profile shows me as a conservative dresser. Is it just me, or are there other women finding the men they're meeting online are commenting on how we're "not showing much skin"? I'm talking about meeting for the first time over a coffee... not even a dinner date.. I've never experienced this. I think my profile shows me in relatively conservative attire as well - I don't think I even have cleavage in any of them. But the clothes I'm wearing are stylish and figure flatting.
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