Confession

[Rooke]

I did a bad, bad thing. I found a website that tracks emails so you know when they've been read.

The email address I have for him he says he only uses for me.

So I sent him an email yesterday and tracked it and got a report today to say it had been read at 4:22pm of course he didn't reply.

Why is he reading my email if he has no intention of replying?

[BB07]

Ahhh Rooke, you are still focused on HIM and you are trying to contact him. Where is my paddle??

 

Please just STOP and get angry.......he has treated you badly. Why are you seeking more bad treatment from him? Do you really think anything would be different if you had another go around?

 

"fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"

[Owl]

Rooke, if you're going to ignore the advice that so many people have taken time to given you, what can we really do to help you, my friend?

 

If you're going to maintain focus on him...you're just setting yourself up for further stress.

 

But...it's your choice.

 

I wish you the best, and hope this turns out the best it can for all of you...you, him, and her as well.

[so-wrong]

I did a bad, bad thing. I found a website that tracks emails so you know when they've been read.

The email address I have for him he says he only uses for me.

So I sent him an email yesterday and tracked it and got a report today to say it had been read at 4:22pm of course he didn't reply.

Why is he reading my email if he has no intention of replying?

 

Presumably he couldn't resist seeing what you'd emailed. I guess it depends what you said in your message to a certain extent. He may just not have thought of what he wants to reply yet, hasn't got around to replying yet or else he really doesn't want to be in touch, but just wanted to read your message (obviously he wouldn't be aware that you would know he'd read it!). Alternatively it could be that his BS found the email (if she's checking on him that closely).

[Bigsmoke]

Maybe he is curious and is gratified by your chasing him.

[whichwayisup]

Even more importantly, WHY are you setting yourself up for heartache? YOU KNOW he isn't wanting to contact you, so it's like you're testing him..And yes, now you know he's read your email and not replying. How does it make you feel? Are you ready to give up?

 

Sorry if I sound harsh..But your A is over and you still seem hellbent on obsessing about him and why he isn't contacting you.

 

Here's why. He doesn't want to. He's made his choice, to stay married and put his wife first. It doesn't matter that he's read your email, bottomline is, he is over the A and moved on. You gotta let yourself really grieve and LET GO. If you can't do this on your own, please seek some counselling.

[TaraMaiden]

I did a bad, bad thing. I found a website that tracks emails so you know when they've been read.

You mean you looked for it.

Finding something implies chance.

You deliberately set out to do something really, really stupid.

And came up trumps.

 

Yay you.

 

The email address I have for him he says he only uses for me.

So I sent him an email yesterday and tracked it and got a report today to say it had been read at 4:22pm of course he didn't reply.

Why is he reading my email if he has no intention of replying?

Frankly?

Who cares, apart from you?

 

If you're still foolish enough to ignore the advice we've given you, and all the help we've sent your way, and you frankly insult us by asking such pointless asinine questions - you must expect a lot from us if you're now asking us to care if you get burned.

 

I'm sorry to be so hard, but frankly, I'm really a little upset that actually, so many good people have given you their support, counsel, advice and shoulder to lean on.

And yet, you studiously ignore it, and go back for more.

The hard thing is, you know you're being dumb and setting yourself up for continued heartbreak.

You're bright enough to know this - 100%.

but maybe just not bright enough to stop doing it?

 

You make your bed, you lie in it, missy.

 

Good luck with that.

[Rooke]

Presumably he couldn't resist seeing what you'd emailed. I guess it depends what you said in your message to a certain extent. He may just not have thought of what he wants to reply yet, hasn't got around to replying yet or else he really doesn't want to be in touch, but just wanted to read your message (obviously he wouldn't be aware that you would know he'd read it!). Alternatively it could be that his BS found the email (if she's checking on him that closely).

 

There's no way he would let her in to that, he's said alot of things via email that he would never, ever want her to see.

No he wouldn't have known that I'd know it had been read.

It was a bad thing to do but I'm going to see it as a good thing, I mean not that he hasn't proven it to me already, but it just goes to show the extent of how little I mean to him, if he wants to gratify himself by reading it but doesn't want to be in touch, then that's fine. I can stay out of his life the way he wants me to.

If he was in her presence, I doubt he would've had the nerve to read it, he'll be on very thin ice, although having said that, he does have alot of nerve! Just no spine.

[whichwayisup]

It was a bad thing to do but I'm going to see it as a good thing, I mean not that he hasn't proven it to me already, but it just goes to show the extent of how little I mean to him, if he wants to gratify himself by reading it but doesn't want to be in touch, then that's fine. I can stay out of his life the way he wants me to.

.

 

I hope you can. So far, it seems like you haven't been able to. Maybe now that you've seen he's read your email, hasn't replied back. Who knows how he felt or what he thought..You'll never know either way.

[Jane Deaux]

Well, now you know. He is definitely in NC with you. He is intentionally ignoring you and you can move on knowing he is alive, well, and a jerk.

 

Now, go do something productive!

[Rooke]

Ha ha Jane, yep alive and well but definitely still a jerk.

I have appreciated and continue to appreciate everyones advice, support and honesty and I didnt do this to slap anyone in the face.

I'm stuck somewhere where everything reminds me of him, coming here was all about him, perhaps I should've upped and left sooner, but I didn't want to run away like he did, I wanted to stay and face up to the huge mistake I had made. When I was in London and the various times it was 'over' I would go back to my life there, the life that I built and get on with things.

But the reason I'm here was him, and everywhere I look, everything I see and everything I do, reminds me of him. I don't have anyone else here and I'm lonely. So I'm prone to moments of weakness, moments when I just want someone to talk to.

It's not that easy to just cut it all loose when he's everywhere here.

All I can do is take steps to leave. And I have tried to not contact him and forget about him and all of the other things I should do, but when you're completely on your own, it's very difficult.

More difficult than I ever imagined.

[ladydesigner]

Well, now you know. He is definitely in NC with you. He is intentionally ignoring you and you can move on knowing he is alive, well, and a jerk.

 

Now, go do something productive!

 

I agree.

 

Rooke you just gave him an ego boost. The more you contact and he ignores the more you lose your power and your dignity. Take it back girl. Block, ignore, delete, move, distract, forget...

[Rooke]

I hope you can. So far, it seems like you haven't been able to. Maybe now that you've seen he's read your email, hasn't replied back. Who knows how he felt or what he thought..You'll never know either way.

 

No I'll never know, but I can hazard a guess, something along the lines of "I wish she were dead so I don't have to feel responsible for moving her here on a lie and now she won't go away"

If I wanted to cull someone from my life, I wouldn't even read their emails if I knew I wasn't going to reply. Still, who knows how these f*****s think.

But no, I'll never know. And I guess I shouldn't care.

I hope he'll be happy.

[ladydesigner]

No I'll never know, but I can hazard a guess, something along the lines of "I wish she were dead so I don't have to feel responsible for moving her here on a lie and now she won't go away"

If I wanted to cull someone from my life, I wouldn't even read their emails if I knew I wasn't going to reply. Still, who knows how these f*****s think.

But no, I'll never know. And I guess I shouldn't care.

I hope he'll be happy.

 

Rooke try to distract your thoughts to more of not caring. It might help to focus on all the negatives to help fuel your anger to help move you past longing for him. Just don't get stuck on the anger.

 

I am almost 3 years out from my A and my XAP was cold, distant ignored emails and would then email me...all the same kind of crap. I am finally to a point where I do not think of him and when I do it is more along the lines of "why am I giving this f**k any of my headspace. I do not wish my XAP well. Honestly I have no respect for him in how cold of a person he became. I respect that he ended the A, that was necessary, but it is how he conducted himself after the ending that I hold him in such a bad light now. My XAP was not my friend by a long shot, never was.

[Rooke]

I agree.

 

Rooke you just gave him an ego boost. The more you contact and he ignores the more you lose your power and your dignity. Take it back girl. Block, ignore, delete, move, distract, forget...

 

Yes. It's certainly a bitter pill to swallow to think that someone you were so in love with doesn't actually give a fig about you.

Still, I'm left with no choice now but to do all of these things and get out of here as soon as I can.

[Jane Deaux]

Rooke, It's okay to care at this point. Not caring would actually be nearly impossible at your stage. I understand the need to know as well. I really do. But now you do know. Now you have a sense of closure. You know his phone is probably off for a reason, he is not answering your emails because he just doesn't care. If he cared he would respond. If he cared he would have let you know in the first place. But he didn't. He disappeared on you. And I know that was hard. The wondering. But now you don't have to wonder. You know FOR A FACT that he is definitely done. Through with you. You can even analyze whether he cared for you or loved you. He may have. This may just be how he has to deal with his marriage. But none of that matters because he is done. He has shown you that. So wonder all you want about where his feelings really were, or are, or if he is hurting as much as you, but understand that in the end it doesn't matter, because he chose her.

 

SO now, Up till this point you have not been able to move on or listen to all this good advice that people have given you. And like I said, I understand that. You needed to know in order to to be able to take to heart all the things people have been telling you. So now you can go back and read your original thread and TAKE THE ADVICE. Listen to all the things people have been telling you. Take it to heart and live it. Get on with your life. Go Abroad! Live! Love yourself, and Be the You that you Love! Not the you that you are ashamed of.

 

And remember, it is okay to care. Don't beat yourself up for caring. You don't have to be over him yet. It's still early on. But you do have to work on getting over him. You have to let yourself process everything and hurt, and be angry and do all those things. That's how we heal. And during all that you will be moving on. Good luck! Now you have a starting point that you can accept.

Edited April 25, 2011 by Jane Deaux

[ladydesigner]

Yes. It's certainly a bitter pill to swallow to think that someone you were so in love with doesn't actually give a fig about you.

Still, I'm left with no choice now but to do all of these things and get out of here as soon as I can.

 

 

Do whatever you need to do to get your life back. You will. I hope one day you can look back on this as a WTF was I ever thinking. I know I do.

 

You will be okay, just trust it, YOU will get over him.

[bentnotbroken]

No I'll never know, but I can hazard a guess, something along the lines of "I wish she were dead so I don't have to feel responsible for moving her here on a lie and now she won't go away"

If I wanted to cull someone from my life, I wouldn't even read their emails if I knew I wasn't going to reply. Still, who knows how these f*****s think.

But no, I'll never know. And I guess I shouldn't care.

I hope he'll be happy.

 

 

You can't even guess. You don't get to decide how he handles his life. You don't get to know why he does what he does. You don't get to control anyone but you and right now you can't even handle that. You should only care about how you are making yourself feel and how you are making yourself look. Borderline stalkerish.

[Rooke]

Rooke try to distract your thoughts to more of not caring. It might help to focus on all the negatives to help fuel your anger to help move you past longing for him. Just don't get stuck on the anger.

 

I am almost 3 years out from my A and my XAP was cold, distant ignored emails and would then email me...all the same kind of crap. I am finally to a point where I do not think of him and when I do it is more along the lines of "why am I giving this f**k any of my headspace. I do not wish my XAP well. Honestly I have no respect for him in how cold of a person he became. I respect that he ended the A, that was necessary, but it is how he conducted himself after the ending that I hold him in such a bad light now. My XAP was not my friend by a long shot, never was.

 

God, I hope it doesn't take three years to get past the pain!

It's encouraging that you're finally at a point where you can think like that, and I know I'll reach that point eventually too.

It's going to be a long process coming to terms with the fact that I won't ever see or him from him again and I'm not so good at the grieving process because I lost my Father two years ago and it feels like that all over again.

Still, if I can get through that, I can get through anything.

[TurboGirl]

Rooke,

yes I know that it totally sucks. Now you understand why you must not contact this guy. He doesn't even care enough to reply, and your emailing this SOB is only feeding his sick narcissistic warped ego! He does not care about you! I know this is very very painful, Rooke.

 

Have you had enough yet? Now you know. ((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry, I know you were hoping against hope.

 

Now is the time when you have to put this away and move on. But for now, please, don't contact this azz again. He does not deserve you! You are young, go travel, go out with your friends, make new friends, do what YOU want to do, stop waiting around and hoping for this guy.

 

Buck up. There will be a better love, a true love waiting for you when the time is right!

[Rooke]

Rooke,

yes I know that it totally sucks. Now you understand why you must not contact this guy. He doesn't even care enough to reply, and your emailing this SOB is only feeding his sick narcissistic warped ego! He does not care about you! I know this is very very painful, Rooke.

 

Have you had enough yet? Now you know. ((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry, I know you were hoping against hope.

 

Now is the time when you have to put this away and move on. But for now, please, don't contact this azz again. He does not deserve you! You are young, go travel, go out with your friends, make new friends, do what YOU want to do, stop waiting around and hoping for this guy.

 

Buck up. There will be a better love, a true love waiting for you when the

time is right!

 

Thankyou for your kind words.

I have had enough, more than enough and I can't take anymore. I think this is rock bottom, or possibly even lower than that.

So now, the only way is up.

He can have his cake and eat it if that's what he wants. But it certainly won't be with me.

[thomasb]

There's no way he would let her in to that, he's said alot of things via email that he would never, ever want her to see.

No he wouldn't have known that I'd know it had been read.

It was a bad thing to do but I'm going to see it as a good thing, I mean not that he hasn't proven it to me already, but it just goes to show the extent of how little I mean to him, if he wants to gratify himself by reading it but doesn't want to be in touch, then that's fine. I can stay out of his life the way he wants me to.

If he was in her presence, I doubt he would've had the nerve to read it, he'll be on very thin ice, although having said that, he does have alot of nerve! Just no spine.

 

Rooke. The day I confessed to my wife I gave her all my email passwords to everything. My wife read every single word I ever uttered to OW.

I wanted reconciliation so badly that I was totally honest with her. She had every detail of where, when etc. Please quit trying to guess about him. Start worrying about you. He isn't.

[fooled once]

Rooke, if you're going to ignore the advice that so many people have taken time to given you, what can we really do to help you, my friend?

 

If you're going to maintain focus on him...you're just setting yourself up for further stress.

 

But...it's your choice.

 

I wish you the best, and hope this turns out the best it can for all of you...you, him, and her as well.

 

I agree with Owl.

 

Even more importantly, WHY are you setting yourself up for heartache? YOU KNOW he isn't wanting to contact you, so it's like you're testing him..And yes, now you know he's read your email and not replying. How does it make you feel? Are you ready to give up?

 

Sorry if I sound harsh..But your A is over and you still seem hellbent on obsessing about him and why he isn't contacting you.

 

Here's why. He doesn't want to. He's made his choice, to stay married and put his wife first. It doesn't matter that he's read your email, bottomline is, he is over the A and moved on. You gotta let yourself really grieve and LET GO. If you can't do this on your own, please seek some counselling.

 

I agree with WWIU. You have GOT TO LET GO.

 

There's no way he would let her in to that, he's said alot of things via email that he would never, ever want her to see.

No he wouldn't have known that I'd know it had been read.

It was a bad thing to do but I'm going to see it as a good thing, I mean not that he hasn't proven it to me already, but it just goes to show the extent of how little I mean to him, if he wants to gratify himself by reading it but doesn't want to be in touch, then that's fine. I can stay out of his life the way he wants me to.

If he was in her presence, I doubt he would've had the nerve to read it, he'll be on very thin ice, although having said that, he does have alot of nerve! Just no spine.

 

You do not know what he will and won't do. That has been proven to you time and time again.

 

Gratify himself by reading an email? Why wouldn't he? YOU sent an email, he read it. No big mystery there. I read the emails I get from Apple, the community association and my breaking news alerts. It doesn't mean I care or I don't care - I just absorb. You are trying to get a reaction from him, which is why you keep contacting him. Not sure what it is going to take for you to stop contacting him...it will not be pretty if he or his wife file a harassment charge or a restraining order. That will humiliate you and I would hate to have you humiliated like that. But maybe that is what it will take for you to leave him alone. He has proven he has no desire to be in touch since he has NOT contacted you.

 

You say you can stay out of his life....prove it. Leave him alone.

 

I know you are hurting; but doesn't it humiliate you to continue to try to contact him, and to know he is receiving it and choosing to NOT contact you back?

 

You really do not know what is going on in their marriage. You have no idea what he has or hasn't told her. But if you continue this behavior, you may very well find out by receiving a cease and desist letter or a RO.

 

Ha ha Jane, yep alive and well but definitely still a jerk.

I have appreciated and continue to appreciate everyones advice, support and honesty and I didnt do this to slap anyone in the face.

I'm stuck somewhere where everything reminds me of him, coming here was all about him, perhaps I should've upped and left sooner, but I didn't want to run away like he did, I wanted to stay and face up to the huge mistake I had made. When I was in London and the various times it was 'over' I would go back to my life there, the life that I built and get on with things.

But the reason I'm here was him, and everywhere I look, everything I see and everything I do, reminds me of him. I don't have anyone else here and I'm lonely. So I'm prone to moments of weakness, moments when I just want someone to talk to.

It's not that easy to just cut it all loose when he's everywhere here.

All I can do is take steps to leave. And I have tried to not contact him and forget about him and all of the other things I should do, but when you're completely on your own, it's very difficult.

More difficult than I ever imagined.

 

Leaving is not 'running away'. He has chosen to stay married. Moving on is not running away.

 

I honestly think you would let him back in if you gave you any attention.

 

No one thinks it is easy, but you are picking at a scab and not allowing it to heal. This is not healthy at all for you.

[Steadfast]

If he was in her presence, I doubt he would've had the nerve to read it, he'll be on very thin ice, although having said that, he does have alot of nerve! Just no spine.

 

On the other hand, perhaps it takes genuine 'spine' to recommit to his wife and honor his marriage vows.

 

Do you really believe a life of lying, sneaking and betrayal signifies strength in a man? I mean, that's attractive? That's endearing?

 

The more I read this type of insane reasoning, the more I realize just how twisted the world has become.

Sorry...I do realize my views on this subject are probably not welcome in this forum, but I stumbled upon this post and did not resist responding.

 

Showing myself out...